Sunday, September 29, 2013
Saturday, September 21, 2013
Good Times vs. Bad Times
Here is a piece of art J.J. drew a few years ago!
The exhaust pipes coming out of the engine turn into prison bars.
His sister, Ester, helped turn this into graphic art for a hoodie one day in the future.
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
Change Has Come
The day we truly believe people can't change is the very day we give up hope for the entire world.
If we give up on change, than we give up on hope. And if nobody can change, then we ourselves are admitting defeat since we would be included as well.
Thank God change is real. Anyone can change. However, like anything else in the life you have to believe. That's what makes the change. Christians put faith in God. When they do, they feel his blessing in their life.
It amazes me when people say change isn't possible for someone. I'm always blessed to hear a victory story from the addict who has remained clean for 10 years now. He will tell you for sure change is real. Quite possibly change has saved his life. Change most certainly saved mine.
Changing is as simple as altering your normal course of direction. Personally I believe most of my changes have come about because I realized my life came up against a wall. The other percentage comes from the haters who stereotype and say I can't.
For this very reason I write. Very openly and even too open, at times, for some people's taste. However, at the end of the day, it's in your face. I invite people to watch me. A big part of change is no doubt accountability. In an attempt to seal the door closed on my past drug use, I have educated my friends and family on my past use. There was a time when I isolated myself so I could use vices without resistance from people who cared. That's before I cared. Today that's all changed....and there's that word again.
If you don't believe in change, then I challenge you to continue following my life.
Perhaps you are that very person who doesn't believe. Maybe you were cheated on by the partner you thought would be your soul mate. Perhaps it's happened more than once and you refuse to give your heart away again.
There are so many reasons people refuse to believe in change. Perhaps you know an addict who has time and time again returned to their vice. Maybe you reached out with your time and money to help them and they turned right around and threw it away.
People go to a church and seek God. Years later they find out the pastor has been having an affair with the deacons wife. If we let these things break us, then we have become defeated. For your sake, I hope you can find change. Sometimes it isn't about others changing. Perhaps it's us who need to change. Maybe our point of view on thing needs to change.
I write to make people think. However, I write about my own life experiences. Change is dear to my heart since it is saving my life. One day at a time. That's what it boils down to. One foot in front of the other.
My changes weren't coming on my own, so I was brought to a place that inspires change. Jonah went into the belly of a whale. Change will find us wherever we are. I'm just saying.....
If we give up on change, than we give up on hope. And if nobody can change, then we ourselves are admitting defeat since we would be included as well.
Thank God change is real. Anyone can change. However, like anything else in the life you have to believe. That's what makes the change. Christians put faith in God. When they do, they feel his blessing in their life.
It amazes me when people say change isn't possible for someone. I'm always blessed to hear a victory story from the addict who has remained clean for 10 years now. He will tell you for sure change is real. Quite possibly change has saved his life. Change most certainly saved mine.
Changing is as simple as altering your normal course of direction. Personally I believe most of my changes have come about because I realized my life came up against a wall. The other percentage comes from the haters who stereotype and say I can't.
For this very reason I write. Very openly and even too open, at times, for some people's taste. However, at the end of the day, it's in your face. I invite people to watch me. A big part of change is no doubt accountability. In an attempt to seal the door closed on my past drug use, I have educated my friends and family on my past use. There was a time when I isolated myself so I could use vices without resistance from people who cared. That's before I cared. Today that's all changed....and there's that word again.
If you don't believe in change, then I challenge you to continue following my life.
Perhaps you are that very person who doesn't believe. Maybe you were cheated on by the partner you thought would be your soul mate. Perhaps it's happened more than once and you refuse to give your heart away again.
There are so many reasons people refuse to believe in change. Perhaps you know an addict who has time and time again returned to their vice. Maybe you reached out with your time and money to help them and they turned right around and threw it away.
People go to a church and seek God. Years later they find out the pastor has been having an affair with the deacons wife. If we let these things break us, then we have become defeated. For your sake, I hope you can find change. Sometimes it isn't about others changing. Perhaps it's us who need to change. Maybe our point of view on thing needs to change.
I write to make people think. However, I write about my own life experiences. Change is dear to my heart since it is saving my life. One day at a time. That's what it boils down to. One foot in front of the other.
My changes weren't coming on my own, so I was brought to a place that inspires change. Jonah went into the belly of a whale. Change will find us wherever we are. I'm just saying.....
Sunday, September 15, 2013
Breaking Stereotypes
One person at a time! Tonight, a beauty queen who is also in the U.S. Army, breaks down the stereotypes of tattoos!
That's right, tonight Miss Kansas Theresa Vail, 22, will proudly stand tall showing off two large tattoos while she participates in as Miss America contestant! (She will be the FIRST contestant to show her tattoos in the history of Miss America!)
We give Miss Kansas a HUGE high-five! What about you?
USA Today reports.....
It's a first for the Miss America pageant. Miss Kansas Theresa Vail, 22, will be proudly sporting two large tattoos during Sunday's contest (ABC, 9 p.m. ET).
She showed them off during Tuesday's preliminary competition in Atlantic City. One of them is a Serenity Prayer on her right side. The other is the insignia of the U.S. Army Dental Corps on her left shoulder.
More: Judge Mario Canton has advice for Miss America
She has stirred up news this week with the revelation. On Friday's Good Morning America, she noted, "Half the girls have tattoos, they just choose to cover them." But she has gotten lots of support. And not just for the tattoos. Vail is also a sergeant in the U.S. Army, only the second contestant ever to be on active duty.
"Nobody expects a soldier to be a beauty queen," Vail told People magazine. "But I'm all about breaking stereotypes."
She added, "My whole platform is empowering women to overcome stereotypes and break barriers. What a hypocrite I would be if I covered my ink," Vail said. "How can I tell other women to be fearless and true to themselves if I can't do the same? I am who I am, tattoos and all."
But wait, there's more. Vail is also an M16 marksman, a bow hunter and a mechanic. The beauty queen idea came just nine months ago on the advice of her commanding officer. One problem: she was told she wouldn't be able to use archery as her talent. No worries; she picked opera.
And how is she stacking up so far? According to Bovada.lv, we should
That's right, tonight Miss Kansas Theresa Vail, 22, will proudly stand tall showing off two large tattoos while she participates in as Miss America contestant! (She will be the FIRST contestant to show her tattoos in the history of Miss America!)
We give Miss Kansas a HUGE high-five! What about you?
USA Today reports.....
She's also in the U.S. Army and can sing opera.
It's a first for the Miss America pageant. Miss Kansas Theresa Vail, 22, will be proudly sporting two large tattoos during Sunday's contest (ABC, 9 p.m. ET).
She showed them off during Tuesday's preliminary competition in Atlantic City. One of them is a Serenity Prayer on her right side. The other is the insignia of the U.S. Army Dental Corps on her left shoulder.
More: Judge Mario Canton has advice for Miss America
She has stirred up news this week with the revelation. On Friday's Good Morning America, she noted, "Half the girls have tattoos, they just choose to cover them." But she has gotten lots of support. And not just for the tattoos. Vail is also a sergeant in the U.S. Army, only the second contestant ever to be on active duty.
"Nobody expects a soldier to be a beauty queen," Vail told People magazine. "But I'm all about breaking stereotypes."
She added, "My whole platform is empowering women to overcome stereotypes and break barriers. What a hypocrite I would be if I covered my ink," Vail said. "How can I tell other women to be fearless and true to themselves if I can't do the same? I am who I am, tattoos and all."
But wait, there's more. Vail is also an M16 marksman, a bow hunter and a mechanic. The beauty queen idea came just nine months ago on the advice of her commanding officer. One problem: she was told she wouldn't be able to use archery as her talent. No worries; she picked opera.
And how is she stacking up so far? According to Bovada.lv, we should
Thursday, September 12, 2013
Sunday, September 8, 2013
Dear Mom....
God. I thought August would never end. Really, the month in itself passed quickly, but the heat... The other day I broke out with a rash. It appears to be some sort of fungus. It's on the outside of my hip, rather than the inside where the typical summer itch would be. The whole ordeal has left me in discomfort and quite honestly pissed. The only comfort is to scratch it and that only awakes a fire that resembles hellfire. On top of all this it's also taken me back to being a teenager.
During my teen years I played football for Roscommon High. This mainly consisted of drinking large quantities of Vodka, then smoking a joint and last of all strapping on a bunch of pads and smashing into each other. Pre-season training began in the heat of summer and under all those pads all you do is sweat.
So I'm sweating my ass off and half way through my 16th summer I develop a god awful rash. This one was between my legs. I scratched it and it spread and was a fire that unless you have ever experienced you have no idea.
This probably happens to every teen. Problem was that I was also having sex that summer. I was deathly afraid I had contracted an S.T.D. and was scared shitless. My fear was if I went to the doctor they would tell my parents I had sex and caught some "sex disease". Being the bright, young 16-year old jock I was, I scratched and burned myself through an entire summer.
That was a long time ago. However, as I have dealt with this current situation, it took me back to all those years ago. I'm sure I'm not the only poor bastard who has done the same. Been scared to death his parents find out he's having sex, so dealt with a burning crotch. That was a big price to pay for my pleasure. And looking back, I don't believe it slowed me one bit. I can only assume my mother will have a fine chuckle as she reads this.
Currently I am a 34 year old man and life isn't so awkward for me anymore. I phoned home today and spoke to my mom. I told her about my rash. We are both adults, ironically I am currently not having sex. Uhh....I do believe my mother knows that.
My mom is an incredible woman. I am finally pleased to be at a place in my life where I know I too have become an incredible ass. I mean incredible person.
It took a long trail of tears to get to this point. My life has given my mother grey hair and caused her to take up smoking. I'm pleased she hasn't developed a drinking problem as well. I say this with the utmost love and respect for a woman who not only loves her children unconditionally, but goes to work every day trying to help other families. My mother is a social worker and works with the department of children and families. They commonly get a bad rap when shitty people say all they want to do is take people's children away.
My mother spends her week trying to keep families together. I believe that is why my being in prison kills my mother so much. While she spends her life trying to help families stay connected and together, her eldest son is states away and locked in prison. Today, I sit here and remember being a dumb teenager. Rebelling against every rule my parents set for me. Yet loving them enough to not want to break their heart. Teenagers and prisoners have a lot in common. The mind is a constant battle ground.
During my teen years I played football for Roscommon High. This mainly consisted of drinking large quantities of Vodka, then smoking a joint and last of all strapping on a bunch of pads and smashing into each other. Pre-season training began in the heat of summer and under all those pads all you do is sweat.
So I'm sweating my ass off and half way through my 16th summer I develop a god awful rash. This one was between my legs. I scratched it and it spread and was a fire that unless you have ever experienced you have no idea.
This probably happens to every teen. Problem was that I was also having sex that summer. I was deathly afraid I had contracted an S.T.D. and was scared shitless. My fear was if I went to the doctor they would tell my parents I had sex and caught some "sex disease". Being the bright, young 16-year old jock I was, I scratched and burned myself through an entire summer.
That was a long time ago. However, as I have dealt with this current situation, it took me back to all those years ago. I'm sure I'm not the only poor bastard who has done the same. Been scared to death his parents find out he's having sex, so dealt with a burning crotch. That was a big price to pay for my pleasure. And looking back, I don't believe it slowed me one bit. I can only assume my mother will have a fine chuckle as she reads this.
Currently I am a 34 year old man and life isn't so awkward for me anymore. I phoned home today and spoke to my mom. I told her about my rash. We are both adults, ironically I am currently not having sex. Uhh....I do believe my mother knows that.
My mom is an incredible woman. I am finally pleased to be at a place in my life where I know I too have become an incredible ass. I mean incredible person.
It took a long trail of tears to get to this point. My life has given my mother grey hair and caused her to take up smoking. I'm pleased she hasn't developed a drinking problem as well. I say this with the utmost love and respect for a woman who not only loves her children unconditionally, but goes to work every day trying to help other families. My mother is a social worker and works with the department of children and families. They commonly get a bad rap when shitty people say all they want to do is take people's children away.
My mother spends her week trying to keep families together. I believe that is why my being in prison kills my mother so much. While she spends her life trying to help families stay connected and together, her eldest son is states away and locked in prison. Today, I sit here and remember being a dumb teenager. Rebelling against every rule my parents set for me. Yet loving them enough to not want to break their heart. Teenagers and prisoners have a lot in common. The mind is a constant battle ground.
I would like to make a slight modification to a well known country song:
"Momma's, pray your babies do grow up to be cowboys...."
Mom, I love you. Thank you for the heart you gave me. Thank you for sticking around long enough to see me use it. ~ Your Son
Monday, September 2, 2013
Collect Calls
August brings the heat. This past several weeks is by far the hottest month of the year. Usually July would have ranked the same. This July wasn't nearly what August was. The month is now over. Just a few more weeks to go before the weather begins to cool off.
Just walking to the reck-yard the other day I passed two black eyes and a nose with stitches. Everywhere you go, you hear arguments that escalate into who's dick is bigger. Tempers are flaring and fuses are short. This happens each year. Small things become big things and before you know it punches are thrown and someone gets their lip split.
One of the biggest fights is over the phones.
A call lasts 15 minutes. Guys watch the clock. They know when you dial and likewise they know when it should be their turn. Problems result when someone dials back. The man on the phone decides to buck the guy behind him and calls his people back for a second call. When next in line realizes this, he confronts the man on the phone about the dial-back. The man on the phone says, "...what you want to do about it?!" Meaning....you think your bad? Then do something. Make me get off.
This presents you with a decision. Somebody has been watching the entire situation unfold. If you just back down and tell him to go ahead, then you have tucked your tail. Here in prison we say that you "bitched up". Anyone who sees this takes it as a sign of weakness on your part. You have established you won't do anything. After all it's your people on that phone line. If you won't stand up for them, you won't stand up for shit. That's how your read here when you back down. Your other option is to react.
Twice when I was presented with this dilemma I reached out and pushed down the receiver on their call. Both times they walked away and did nothing. One other time I had a visit two days later. The dude on the phone had a reputation and I knew he would fight. So, my decision was to let him have that so I wouldn't miss my visit by being in the box for fighting.
A lot of prison life is preventive maintenance. I watch who has the phone in front of me. I don't go after someone I know double dials. Then, I'm not the one presented with a decision about what to do when he dials back. You have to always be ready for anything in here. You have to keep your mind sharp so you don't walk blindly into a bad situation. Then, when faced with a problem consider the outcome. Life here is some smarts, some instinct, some gut feeling, and finding the balance.
They say you know a happy biker by the bugs in his teeth. In prison, you know a scrapper by the lack of his teeth. I still have all mine. My nose is still fairly straight. To date I have found the balance I need to navigate this life.
Our lives are all made up by balance. We need air, water and food to live. In some ways, life back here isn't all that different from life out there. Still, the days can't pass quick enough to bring me home. Until then, I have fifteen minutes calls and will wait in a line for my turn to call the people I love.
Just walking to the reck-yard the other day I passed two black eyes and a nose with stitches. Everywhere you go, you hear arguments that escalate into who's dick is bigger. Tempers are flaring and fuses are short. This happens each year. Small things become big things and before you know it punches are thrown and someone gets their lip split.
One of the biggest fights is over the phones.
A call lasts 15 minutes. Guys watch the clock. They know when you dial and likewise they know when it should be their turn. Problems result when someone dials back. The man on the phone decides to buck the guy behind him and calls his people back for a second call. When next in line realizes this, he confronts the man on the phone about the dial-back. The man on the phone says, "...what you want to do about it?!" Meaning....you think your bad? Then do something. Make me get off.
This presents you with a decision. Somebody has been watching the entire situation unfold. If you just back down and tell him to go ahead, then you have tucked your tail. Here in prison we say that you "bitched up". Anyone who sees this takes it as a sign of weakness on your part. You have established you won't do anything. After all it's your people on that phone line. If you won't stand up for them, you won't stand up for shit. That's how your read here when you back down. Your other option is to react.
Twice when I was presented with this dilemma I reached out and pushed down the receiver on their call. Both times they walked away and did nothing. One other time I had a visit two days later. The dude on the phone had a reputation and I knew he would fight. So, my decision was to let him have that so I wouldn't miss my visit by being in the box for fighting.
A lot of prison life is preventive maintenance. I watch who has the phone in front of me. I don't go after someone I know double dials. Then, I'm not the one presented with a decision about what to do when he dials back. You have to always be ready for anything in here. You have to keep your mind sharp so you don't walk blindly into a bad situation. Then, when faced with a problem consider the outcome. Life here is some smarts, some instinct, some gut feeling, and finding the balance.
They say you know a happy biker by the bugs in his teeth. In prison, you know a scrapper by the lack of his teeth. I still have all mine. My nose is still fairly straight. To date I have found the balance I need to navigate this life.
Our lives are all made up by balance. We need air, water and food to live. In some ways, life back here isn't all that different from life out there. Still, the days can't pass quick enough to bring me home. Until then, I have fifteen minutes calls and will wait in a line for my turn to call the people I love.
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