Hey Mom

Smashing Pumpkins has a song that states...."Today is the greatest."

I'm not sure what today holds for me, but I'm ready.

Today, I'm headed to the law library to get a motion to once again file in the courts asking why they haven't ruled on my previous motion yet.  A 3.850 motion that was filed two years ago in April.

My class song was the Smashing Pumpkins.  Had I graduated with my class.  I did not.  However, I did go back and catch the G.E.D. wagon about two years later.  So, here I am...once again looking toward the future.  My future.

I had to decide one day that at the least I wanted my G.E.D.  The rest of my brothers and sisters all graduated.  So I went in partially to make my momma proud.  Then look where I wound up.

Today, I am seeking freedom for everyone who loves me.  Not to mention myself.

However, I called mom the other day.

She asked me to be home in time for my little sisters wedding.  Well, my sisters wedding is in one year.  I still have five years left.  You do the math.  Only way I can possibly make that is if I can get the courts off their ass.  Which means I will have to get off mine.  And, so I did.

On June 18, 2012, I filed a motion to hear and rule.  Asking the courts to please rule on a motion I originally filed on April 12, 2011.  Today I filed another motion on my last motion to rule on the original motion.

Did I just lose you?  Yeah.  Some days I'm lost myself.  I came into prison having no clue what a "motion" was.  I had no idea what an "evidential" hearing was for.  Now, I'm well-schooled in the appeals process.  And all the legal jargon surrounding it.  Only time will tell if I'll make it to my sisters wedding.  However, by then I may be a tattooing lawyer.  I'll most certainly be a heavily tattooed baker and jolly pop manufacturer.

Mom, I don't know if I'll be home in a year.  That's out of my control.  But, just like I went back and got my G.E.D. I'm also going to fight for my freedom.  Either way I know you will be proud of me.

These days my fighting has mostly turned to noble ventures.  I could go lay back and do nothing.  Just accept what life offers me.  You raised me better than that.  Have I told you that lately?

This is my call home to tell you that the older I get the smarter you get.  You told me as a kid that I could become whatever I wanted to be.  Right now today I'm just ready to be free again.  I'm looking for my second chance in life.

I hope that I didn't cash that option in already.  I know I've burned some bridges, and I hope none was my exit.  For now I'll just keep cruisin' along. 

A Change in Perspective

"Objects in the rear-view mirror, appear closer than they are...."

Do they?  If hindsight is 20/20 perhaps what's back there just came into focus.  Just as beauty is in the eye of the beholder, one's perspective varies from person to person. 

I lay my head on a pillow each night.  Then sleep on a thin mattress, covering a steel bunk.  I have slept on bunk 113 for nearly two years now.  However, this is not my home.  Home is where the heart is, and my heart is on the same side of the fence as you find yourself right now.

My reality checks come in all shapes and sizes.  Some days it's my mother.  Other days it's my daughter.  Many times it's my sweet woman.  The other day I was approached by an officer assigned to keep me in line.  He said that when I leave, he hopes to never see me in these parts again.  And, that's my sincere plan.

When your a child your parent tells you to not touch the stove.  Yet you still touch it once.  You get burned.  So is life.  I once saw a beautiful piece of art drawn by a fellow prisoner.  The art depicted God and the devil playing chess.  They are sitting at a table pushing their pieces.  I was touched by this piece because that is my perspective on my life.  There's the good.  The moves that make me proud.  Moves like going back and getting my G.E.D., or reaching out to someone who needs a hand.

Then there's the bad.  The times I hang my head and wish like hell I could undo what I just did.  Like my current situation.  But just like a good chess match, life is also touch and move.  Your next move can work to fix that last poor move, but you may not go back and take it back.  In other words, you may not pass jail and collect $200. OH WAIT!  I'm getting my games crossed here.

Some days we need a swift kick in the ass.  Other days we need a pat on the back.  I get regular kicks in my ass.  So when a person in authority over me stated I could do better than this life, I was touched.  That's not the regular job description of a correctional officer.  Once again, I was given  yet another reality check.  Don't judge a book by its cover.

Many prisoners view life back here as "us against them".  Those are the same people who feel at home when their head hits the pillow.  They are also the very ones who will come back to Hotel-6.  Not only was I reminded I could do more with my life, but I again saw that good people are everywhere.  Sometimes we allow ourselves to be jaded.

As long as I don't feel at home when my head hits this pillow, and as long as a good man can see some good in me?  Then I suppose I'm doing just fine.  And really...that makes me sleep easier no matter where I rest my head.