Skin Deep

Prison is a world full of pimps, gangsters, thugs and nearly any other occupation you can think of.  Somewhere behind this fence you will find it.  There are a lot of heartless bastards who show no emotion.  People who do time by harassing others.  There are some who work out every day.  There are others who live indoors and don't go outside unless they have a call-out.  There are men here who are 30 and look like they are 70.  There are 70-year old men here who are in the shape of a 20-year old.  It's all here in one big melting pot, and I know men in each categories I just mentioned.  

The other day a man asked me if I could have my people relay a message to his.  Let them know his phone was restricted and he needed some money put on the account so he could call.  So I did.  His people sent a text back to my people stating...."we will put money on the phone as soon as possible.  Right now we are in the hospital with his Uncle who is passing."

That was the message.  My lady said to me that she didn't know if I should pass the whole message.  Instead, perhaps, I should just tell the guy his people will fix the phone when they get home.  I saw it different.  This man rarely shows emotion unless it's anger.  I opt to just tell him the message.  So, I tell him...."your mom is at the hospital with your uncle who is passing.  She said she will put money on the phone once she's home."  The guy sits down and tears begin to stream down his face.  Of all the possible reaction, I did not expect this one.  Just goes to show you can not judge a books by its cover.   

I sat down and he went on to explain to me that his uncle was on life support.  The family decided to pull the plug and let him go in peace.  As tears flowed down his face, he told me the uncle was his mom's brother.  His main concern was his mother and that she could handle his passing. 

I sat there and listened.  What do you way?  Sometimes people just need to talk.  I felt good to know this man saw me as a man he could show emotion in front of.  This is prison.  You come here and become whatever you have to so you can survive.  I was reminded it's important to never judge someone by their looks.  Or even by the air you see around them.  I'm just blessed to be a man someone feels comfortable showing emotion in front of.  Reminds me of how far I have come as a person.  Makes me proud to be the man I am.

Years back when the Jailbird began, I felt compelled to bring society a real life story.  Not some reality show you view on your TV. Some days I write funny and witty.  Other days it's serious and heartfelt like this.  The blog represents my emotions.

People are quick to say once a criminal, always a criminal.  That doesn't sit well with me and I wanted to show people a changed man.  I'm not the man I was five years ago when I came here.

One man's pain taught me something about myself.  Reminded me of who I'm trying to be.  Always better.

Another man came before my time to teach the world a lesson about change, forgiveness and love.  But that's another story for another time.  What's your compassion like?  You just took time to sit here and listen to me, perhaps there's hope for us all.  I believe there is.

See you next time!

Happy Father's Day

Second chances.  I wonder how many fathers wish at some point in life they could have one.  Happy Father's Day to the man who made my life possible.  The man who comes to this prison and stands in a line to visit his boy.  I can't begin to imagine how that feels, but I do know a little about second chances.

At the age of 19, I gave my little baby girl over through adoption to a family who I knew could provide her with the love and care she would need to become a great woman.  You see, event at 19 I wished that for my little girl.

I went on to live life for myself.  The more time that went by the more I have thought about the little girl I made.  Nearly four years ago I was given a second chance to once again become a part of this special little girls life.  There was a stipulation from her mother.  I would need to decide whether I would stay this time.  No more coming and going.  The decision to stay forever changed my life.

This August my little girl turns 16.  On that same day I also celebrated three years without a cigarette.  I made that choice for the both of us.  She helped me keep that decision.  She has saved my life in more ways than one.

I made a great little girl and I hope to one day become a great dad.  I love you little lady.

Happy Father's Day, Dad!  Happy Father's Day to all the men out there who never give up on their kid.  It must be hard to pull up to a prison to visit your boy.  God bless the children who never give up on their parents.  Who look past all their faults and shortcomings and love.  After all, its because of the kids that we have a Father's day.

To my dad, the music man!

Larry,

This Father's Day I want to wish you the very best and thank you for being more of a father than I could ask for.  Over the years, you've been my dad, best friend, mentor, provider and most of all....my father!  You've been there when I've needed you.  Stood by my side and gave me love even when at times I didn't deserve it.  I couldn't have made it without you and I appreciate all you've done not just for me, but for mom too!  I can't really express my gratitude enough, however, I can dedicate this day to the best father in the world....YOU!  Thank you for being my father.  I love you and miss you so much.  Happy Father's Day Larry!

With Love, Your Son, Ran

Keep on Truckin'!

  

This year, I would like to wish a few important people a happy father's day starting with my dad, Richard; my brother, Jerry and my two brother-in-laws, Eric Ledferd and Scott Mathews.  I hope all of you have a great Father's Day.  This will be my second father's day away from my daughter, Kelsey.  I have one more father's day to go.  I can't put in to words what it will mean to me to come home and try to make up for all the family times I have missed.  I know it won't be easy but with a little luck and God willing I will be home in 16 months.  Then I can start fresh and become  the dad I started out as.  Well, I'll see you all soon.  Thanks for every thing y'all do for me in here.  Love ya!  Ricky