Today is Monday. The day I go to A.A.
This was my third week in the meeting and I feel it has already helped me. Sometimes it's good to hear form people who have it worse than you do. Other times, it's just talking about a topic that clears things up for me. At times, I find the very answer I was struggling to come to terms with.
We need to talk. When we do, we like someone to listen. Last week went good for me.
I applied some of what I learned in group to my life. When presented with a problem, I addressed that problem rather than let it grow into a mountain that slowly pushed me out of character.
It amazes me how many people are here in prison that don't use their voice. They sit down, shut up and just digest the constant pile of shit they are fed. We are supposedly criminals. Gangsters who broke the law for one reason or another. Yet all of a sudden here we become someone who forgets there is a set of nuts that hangs between our legs. Perhaps those nuts have puckered up and crawled into the ass. Like a dog with his tail between his legs.
Prison is a dog-eat-dog environment and you better believe that when you sit down on your bunk and squat to pee, these men notice. In my attempt at becoming a man who can stay sober, then lead my family....I need to make sure I have a set of balls between my legs.
Often times I tell my lady we are in the hardest part of our relationship. If this life of separation doesn't break us and pull us apart, then neither will the free world. Most people go through the honeymoon stage and after a few years push comes to shove and two people who started a life together fall apart. If you can stand together through a fence and the miles that separate, then you can stand through life. This is what I tell my lady.
Likewise, if in this world of gangsters and big dogs you can hold your own. If you can stand tall and not be moved. If you can hold fast to everything you live in here. Then you will be a success on the street in the real world.
This is what I have taken from my short time in A.A.
No, I'm not using drugs. I am clean. But I'm realizing there are many other fates a man can encounter other than drugs. My life will be a struggle. As an addict I caused my brain to demand drugs. I altered my state of mind and now I will walk through life having to keep a close eye on things that could become a trigger and cause me to relapse. That small problem, that goes unaddressed, becomes a mountain could soon enough cause me to slip and fall. So, I'm learning to stand up and hold fast to what I love.
Not only do I want to stay clean, I want to love and lead my family. In order to do that, I have to put life in perspective. I'm sure A.A. meetings take on different meaning for every man that attends.
Drugs steal your pride, your dignity and the balls that hang between your legs. You live a life of shame. Being a slave to a vice sucks. I'm proud to be a leader. A man who my lady can look to for advice and my mother can be proud to have as a son.
My life will have struggles, but I know how to handle them as well. It's this very thing that causes me to live life as if there could be no tomorrow. Perhaps you should do the same.
Monday, October 21, 2013
Thursday, October 17, 2013
The Rabbi's Unpleasant Day at the Visiting Park
A guest post from The Rabbi:
Recently I had the uncomfortable and unpleasant experience of going to the visiting park with my family during one of the department's "brain child" ideas on how to get involved with kids who have an incarcerated parent.
First, a mandatory viewing of the Sesame Street video that all inmates had to watch was played. Now at first glance one might say "WOW!". A huge non-profit organization like Sesame Street is involved....it's got to be positive, right? Well, read on and you be the judge of the first-hand experience I had.
It started as soon as visitor's pulled into the compound. The suited stiff's were there to meet and greet our loved ones. People our loved ones would generally never see or talk to (especially if it involved the well being of said incarcerated parent). Our loved ones were in the visiting park before 8 a.m., which never happens! Once everyone was filed in, they forced you to listen to someone you didn't know, talk about their "free" family, and how they really cared for family of inmates while camera flashes were non stop! Catching all the suited higher ups in all their glory! (Can you say PHOTO OPP!)
Because that is what this amounted to....they forced our families, some of whom traveled miles to see their loved one. They robbed us of our time together. Then, once they finished that they played the video for the children to watch.....further trying to lure away the kids from the only real time they spend with their incarcerated parent.
At one point, the warden himself came to our table and asked if my stepdaughter wanted to go up front and watch the movie. When she said no (she's 5 years old), he looked genuinely puzzled and confused until I explained to him that she is scared of Sesame Street characters.
See....even though I'm incarcerated I make it my business to know thing about my kids. Their likes and dislikes. So how is someone in a suit up in Tallahassee going to tell me more about my kids than me? I was disappointed with the whole ordeal and pissed that my family was subjected to this against their will.
If the department really wants to do something to make it easier on kids who have a parent in prison, how about also making a friendlier child environment both in and on the outside. The issue is that the parent is in prison, right? So...when a child comes to visit, an innocent child, you have to ask yourself do you really want to taint your child's mind with information that when the time is right he/she will ask about anyways? Isn't that the point of the Sesame Street program? That when your child is asking questions, there is a program in place to help if you see fit?
Maybe it's me, but when I see this issue, I see it through all perspectives. Not just through an office window. I mean as it stands, the department expects you (the reader) and me (the parent) to believe that they want to help the children of those who are incarcerated. If the department of corrections really wants to help the children of those who are incarcerated, they might consider providing hands-on job training and job placement upon release instead of 50 bucks and a boot in the ass as you go out the door. (And simply using the Sesame Street program for a big photo opp!)
I'm insulted and I feel as thought they have insulted your intelligence by exposing you to this.
Recently I had the uncomfortable and unpleasant experience of going to the visiting park with my family during one of the department's "brain child" ideas on how to get involved with kids who have an incarcerated parent.
First, a mandatory viewing of the Sesame Street video that all inmates had to watch was played. Now at first glance one might say "WOW!". A huge non-profit organization like Sesame Street is involved....it's got to be positive, right? Well, read on and you be the judge of the first-hand experience I had.
It started as soon as visitor's pulled into the compound. The suited stiff's were there to meet and greet our loved ones. People our loved ones would generally never see or talk to (especially if it involved the well being of said incarcerated parent). Our loved ones were in the visiting park before 8 a.m., which never happens! Once everyone was filed in, they forced you to listen to someone you didn't know, talk about their "free" family, and how they really cared for family of inmates while camera flashes were non stop! Catching all the suited higher ups in all their glory! (Can you say PHOTO OPP!)
Because that is what this amounted to....they forced our families, some of whom traveled miles to see their loved one. They robbed us of our time together. Then, once they finished that they played the video for the children to watch.....further trying to lure away the kids from the only real time they spend with their incarcerated parent.
At one point, the warden himself came to our table and asked if my stepdaughter wanted to go up front and watch the movie. When she said no (she's 5 years old), he looked genuinely puzzled and confused until I explained to him that she is scared of Sesame Street characters.
See....even though I'm incarcerated I make it my business to know thing about my kids. Their likes and dislikes. So how is someone in a suit up in Tallahassee going to tell me more about my kids than me? I was disappointed with the whole ordeal and pissed that my family was subjected to this against their will.
If the department really wants to do something to make it easier on kids who have a parent in prison, how about also making a friendlier child environment both in and on the outside. The issue is that the parent is in prison, right? So...when a child comes to visit, an innocent child, you have to ask yourself do you really want to taint your child's mind with information that when the time is right he/she will ask about anyways? Isn't that the point of the Sesame Street program? That when your child is asking questions, there is a program in place to help if you see fit?
Maybe it's me, but when I see this issue, I see it through all perspectives. Not just through an office window. I mean as it stands, the department expects you (the reader) and me (the parent) to believe that they want to help the children of those who are incarcerated. If the department of corrections really wants to help the children of those who are incarcerated, they might consider providing hands-on job training and job placement upon release instead of 50 bucks and a boot in the ass as you go out the door. (And simply using the Sesame Street program for a big photo opp!)
I'm insulted and I feel as thought they have insulted your intelligence by exposing you to this.
Monday, October 14, 2013
Lucky 13
Here's a hip piece of art featuring a motorcycle sprocket.
An interesting piece with a little splash.
Thursday, October 10, 2013
J.J. Meets Big Bird
The other day J.J.'s dad came to visit. Here they are.....taking their photo with Big Bird, Cookie Monster, Grover and the gang.
Why is J.J. on Sesame Street? Because Sesame Street recently created a new character named Alex who talks about the stigma of having a parent in jail. Along with this new character, they have a tool kit for families to use to help their children coping with a parent incarcerated.
A few weeks ago, J.J.'s friend The Rabbi experience first-hand how D.O.C. used the Sesame Street program to engage with families. Stay tuned for his story next week!
Today, enjoy this gangster hangin' with his dad and Big Bird....in his new Reeboks!
Why is J.J. on Sesame Street? Because Sesame Street recently created a new character named Alex who talks about the stigma of having a parent in jail. Along with this new character, they have a tool kit for families to use to help their children coping with a parent incarcerated.
A few weeks ago, J.J.'s friend The Rabbi experience first-hand how D.O.C. used the Sesame Street program to engage with families. Stay tuned for his story next week!
Today, enjoy this gangster hangin' with his dad and Big Bird....in his new Reeboks!
Sunday, October 6, 2013
How Should An Inmate Be Treated?
"Some individuals might say that these inmates deserve this treatment
because they are criminals, and society continually shames criminals,
and teaches us to outcast them. But many individuals within the United
States justice system, are behind bars because they have committed non-violent crimes. Does the senseless attack on them seem justified? Individuals in prison are already receiving their punishment for having committed any previous crime,
arbitrary attacks (considering the illegality) should not be tolerated,
the actions should be treated for the assault that they are."
The above is an excerpt from "Exposing The Truth: Prison Guards Repeatedly Abuse Inmates".
Read the entire story at http://www.exposingthetruth.co/prison-guards-repeatedly-abuse-inmates/#axzz2gxlLJW8M.
Do you wonder how often this happens? If these are the reported stories, how many others go unreported?
What do YOU think?
Are these sorts of attacks justified? Is shaming criminals justified?
Or might we strive to encourage rehabilitation and help make the world a better place for all of us?
The above is an excerpt from "Exposing The Truth: Prison Guards Repeatedly Abuse Inmates".
Read the entire story at http://www.exposingthetruth.co/prison-guards-repeatedly-abuse-inmates/#axzz2gxlLJW8M.
Do you wonder how often this happens? If these are the reported stories, how many others go unreported?
What do YOU think?
Are these sorts of attacks justified? Is shaming criminals justified?
Or might we strive to encourage rehabilitation and help make the world a better place for all of us?
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
Shiny Red Car
Mean people suck. A phrase I have seen on bumpers of cars many time over the years.
Bumper stickers on your ride may be out of style, but mean people still suck. There are certain deductions in life you can make. Although the man in the shiny red sports car may not be compensating for a small penis, many times I suppose they are. And when one person stands in a group talking much louder than needed, what he's saying is probably unimportant. Since when what you say (if it's important) will demand one's attention. We all know empty cans rattle the most....and do they ever.
So what about these mean people? Perhaps someone is mad that his penis is small and he can't afford the shiny red car. That would make a guy mad I suppose. A stupid man can seem smart until he opens his mouth and proves otherwise. Maybe the guy with the small member should keep pants on? That way only he will know the caliber of his gun.
Guys are lucky in that way. Nobody can see the engine if you keep the hood closed. Imagine if we were more like women and had to wear our pecker on our chest. Oral sex wouldn't be a problem anymore, but your produce is in the center aisle. Then again, women found a way to transform the itty bitty titty....thank God for push ups! They have always been the smarter sex. It was probably a woman who opened the hood, saw the small radiator hose and quickly invented the penis pump. Not only do they try to change our bad habits, get us to put the seat down, but now they want to pump on our pecker to make it larger.
So back to mean people. They are here in prison and they are out there too. I saw the news of people fighting each other to be at the front of the line to buy their new Apple smart phone. I thought to myself, "Dear God. What has the world come to?" They're fighting in here to be the first in line to get two pieces of bologna and a scoop of cheese grits and their parents are out there fighting over a telephone.
I hope I don't sound like the pissed off person. Really, I'm not. What I am is observant. What I see is really dumb people. They tell me here that next year they will change the format for the G.E.D. test. By next year the test will be harder to pass. It's working though. Because now dudes are rushing to sign up to take the test while it's still easier. I don't know why when all your life consists of is the size of the rims on your car and what carat your chain is. As far as I can tell the man with the most toys when he dies, is still dead. Maybe it truly does boil down to the shiny red sports car and a penis pump. Who knows.
I've been in here for five years. Only five left. I remind myself of this often. Some days I see myself as nearly there. Other days five seems a looooong way of still. Those days most often come due to mean people, cutting in the line to get their bologna. What I would like to do is steal your rims for my boat anchor. Right after I key the paint on your red car, then shove that penis pump up your ass.
But I'm not mad. I'm just sayin'.....
Bumper stickers on your ride may be out of style, but mean people still suck. There are certain deductions in life you can make. Although the man in the shiny red sports car may not be compensating for a small penis, many times I suppose they are. And when one person stands in a group talking much louder than needed, what he's saying is probably unimportant. Since when what you say (if it's important) will demand one's attention. We all know empty cans rattle the most....and do they ever.
So what about these mean people? Perhaps someone is mad that his penis is small and he can't afford the shiny red car. That would make a guy mad I suppose. A stupid man can seem smart until he opens his mouth and proves otherwise. Maybe the guy with the small member should keep pants on? That way only he will know the caliber of his gun.
Guys are lucky in that way. Nobody can see the engine if you keep the hood closed. Imagine if we were more like women and had to wear our pecker on our chest. Oral sex wouldn't be a problem anymore, but your produce is in the center aisle. Then again, women found a way to transform the itty bitty titty....thank God for push ups! They have always been the smarter sex. It was probably a woman who opened the hood, saw the small radiator hose and quickly invented the penis pump. Not only do they try to change our bad habits, get us to put the seat down, but now they want to pump on our pecker to make it larger.
So back to mean people. They are here in prison and they are out there too. I saw the news of people fighting each other to be at the front of the line to buy their new Apple smart phone. I thought to myself, "Dear God. What has the world come to?" They're fighting in here to be the first in line to get two pieces of bologna and a scoop of cheese grits and their parents are out there fighting over a telephone.
I hope I don't sound like the pissed off person. Really, I'm not. What I am is observant. What I see is really dumb people. They tell me here that next year they will change the format for the G.E.D. test. By next year the test will be harder to pass. It's working though. Because now dudes are rushing to sign up to take the test while it's still easier. I don't know why when all your life consists of is the size of the rims on your car and what carat your chain is. As far as I can tell the man with the most toys when he dies, is still dead. Maybe it truly does boil down to the shiny red sports car and a penis pump. Who knows.
I've been in here for five years. Only five left. I remind myself of this often. Some days I see myself as nearly there. Other days five seems a looooong way of still. Those days most often come due to mean people, cutting in the line to get their bologna. What I would like to do is steal your rims for my boat anchor. Right after I key the paint on your red car, then shove that penis pump up your ass.
But I'm not mad. I'm just sayin'.....
Sunday, September 29, 2013
Saturday, September 21, 2013
Good Times vs. Bad Times
Here is a piece of art J.J. drew a few years ago!
The exhaust pipes coming out of the engine turn into prison bars.
His sister, Ester, helped turn this into graphic art for a hoodie one day in the future.
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
Change Has Come
The day we truly believe people can't change is the very day we give up hope for the entire world.
If we give up on change, than we give up on hope. And if nobody can change, then we ourselves are admitting defeat since we would be included as well.
Thank God change is real. Anyone can change. However, like anything else in the life you have to believe. That's what makes the change. Christians put faith in God. When they do, they feel his blessing in their life.
It amazes me when people say change isn't possible for someone. I'm always blessed to hear a victory story from the addict who has remained clean for 10 years now. He will tell you for sure change is real. Quite possibly change has saved his life. Change most certainly saved mine.
Changing is as simple as altering your normal course of direction. Personally I believe most of my changes have come about because I realized my life came up against a wall. The other percentage comes from the haters who stereotype and say I can't.
For this very reason I write. Very openly and even too open, at times, for some people's taste. However, at the end of the day, it's in your face. I invite people to watch me. A big part of change is no doubt accountability. In an attempt to seal the door closed on my past drug use, I have educated my friends and family on my past use. There was a time when I isolated myself so I could use vices without resistance from people who cared. That's before I cared. Today that's all changed....and there's that word again.
If you don't believe in change, then I challenge you to continue following my life.
Perhaps you are that very person who doesn't believe. Maybe you were cheated on by the partner you thought would be your soul mate. Perhaps it's happened more than once and you refuse to give your heart away again.
There are so many reasons people refuse to believe in change. Perhaps you know an addict who has time and time again returned to their vice. Maybe you reached out with your time and money to help them and they turned right around and threw it away.
People go to a church and seek God. Years later they find out the pastor has been having an affair with the deacons wife. If we let these things break us, then we have become defeated. For your sake, I hope you can find change. Sometimes it isn't about others changing. Perhaps it's us who need to change. Maybe our point of view on thing needs to change.
I write to make people think. However, I write about my own life experiences. Change is dear to my heart since it is saving my life. One day at a time. That's what it boils down to. One foot in front of the other.
My changes weren't coming on my own, so I was brought to a place that inspires change. Jonah went into the belly of a whale. Change will find us wherever we are. I'm just saying.....
If we give up on change, than we give up on hope. And if nobody can change, then we ourselves are admitting defeat since we would be included as well.
Thank God change is real. Anyone can change. However, like anything else in the life you have to believe. That's what makes the change. Christians put faith in God. When they do, they feel his blessing in their life.
It amazes me when people say change isn't possible for someone. I'm always blessed to hear a victory story from the addict who has remained clean for 10 years now. He will tell you for sure change is real. Quite possibly change has saved his life. Change most certainly saved mine.
Changing is as simple as altering your normal course of direction. Personally I believe most of my changes have come about because I realized my life came up against a wall. The other percentage comes from the haters who stereotype and say I can't.
For this very reason I write. Very openly and even too open, at times, for some people's taste. However, at the end of the day, it's in your face. I invite people to watch me. A big part of change is no doubt accountability. In an attempt to seal the door closed on my past drug use, I have educated my friends and family on my past use. There was a time when I isolated myself so I could use vices without resistance from people who cared. That's before I cared. Today that's all changed....and there's that word again.
If you don't believe in change, then I challenge you to continue following my life.
Perhaps you are that very person who doesn't believe. Maybe you were cheated on by the partner you thought would be your soul mate. Perhaps it's happened more than once and you refuse to give your heart away again.
There are so many reasons people refuse to believe in change. Perhaps you know an addict who has time and time again returned to their vice. Maybe you reached out with your time and money to help them and they turned right around and threw it away.
People go to a church and seek God. Years later they find out the pastor has been having an affair with the deacons wife. If we let these things break us, then we have become defeated. For your sake, I hope you can find change. Sometimes it isn't about others changing. Perhaps it's us who need to change. Maybe our point of view on thing needs to change.
I write to make people think. However, I write about my own life experiences. Change is dear to my heart since it is saving my life. One day at a time. That's what it boils down to. One foot in front of the other.
My changes weren't coming on my own, so I was brought to a place that inspires change. Jonah went into the belly of a whale. Change will find us wherever we are. I'm just saying.....
Sunday, September 15, 2013
Breaking Stereotypes
One person at a time! Tonight, a beauty queen who is also in the U.S. Army, breaks down the stereotypes of tattoos!
That's right, tonight Miss Kansas Theresa Vail, 22, will proudly stand tall showing off two large tattoos while she participates in as Miss America contestant! (She will be the FIRST contestant to show her tattoos in the history of Miss America!)
We give Miss Kansas a HUGE high-five! What about you?
USA Today reports.....
It's a first for the Miss America pageant. Miss Kansas Theresa Vail, 22, will be proudly sporting two large tattoos during Sunday's contest (ABC, 9 p.m. ET).
She showed them off during Tuesday's preliminary competition in Atlantic City. One of them is a Serenity Prayer on her right side. The other is the insignia of the U.S. Army Dental Corps on her left shoulder.
More: Judge Mario Canton has advice for Miss America
She has stirred up news this week with the revelation. On Friday's Good Morning America, she noted, "Half the girls have tattoos, they just choose to cover them." But she has gotten lots of support. And not just for the tattoos. Vail is also a sergeant in the U.S. Army, only the second contestant ever to be on active duty.
"Nobody expects a soldier to be a beauty queen," Vail told People magazine. "But I'm all about breaking stereotypes."
She added, "My whole platform is empowering women to overcome stereotypes and break barriers. What a hypocrite I would be if I covered my ink," Vail said. "How can I tell other women to be fearless and true to themselves if I can't do the same? I am who I am, tattoos and all."
But wait, there's more. Vail is also an M16 marksman, a bow hunter and a mechanic. The beauty queen idea came just nine months ago on the advice of her commanding officer. One problem: she was told she wouldn't be able to use archery as her talent. No worries; she picked opera.
And how is she stacking up so far? According to Bovada.lv, we should
That's right, tonight Miss Kansas Theresa Vail, 22, will proudly stand tall showing off two large tattoos while she participates in as Miss America contestant! (She will be the FIRST contestant to show her tattoos in the history of Miss America!)
We give Miss Kansas a HUGE high-five! What about you?
USA Today reports.....
She's also in the U.S. Army and can sing opera.
It's a first for the Miss America pageant. Miss Kansas Theresa Vail, 22, will be proudly sporting two large tattoos during Sunday's contest (ABC, 9 p.m. ET).
She showed them off during Tuesday's preliminary competition in Atlantic City. One of them is a Serenity Prayer on her right side. The other is the insignia of the U.S. Army Dental Corps on her left shoulder.
More: Judge Mario Canton has advice for Miss America
She has stirred up news this week with the revelation. On Friday's Good Morning America, she noted, "Half the girls have tattoos, they just choose to cover them." But she has gotten lots of support. And not just for the tattoos. Vail is also a sergeant in the U.S. Army, only the second contestant ever to be on active duty.
"Nobody expects a soldier to be a beauty queen," Vail told People magazine. "But I'm all about breaking stereotypes."
She added, "My whole platform is empowering women to overcome stereotypes and break barriers. What a hypocrite I would be if I covered my ink," Vail said. "How can I tell other women to be fearless and true to themselves if I can't do the same? I am who I am, tattoos and all."
But wait, there's more. Vail is also an M16 marksman, a bow hunter and a mechanic. The beauty queen idea came just nine months ago on the advice of her commanding officer. One problem: she was told she wouldn't be able to use archery as her talent. No worries; she picked opera.
And how is she stacking up so far? According to Bovada.lv, we should
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