A Convict Christmas

I am blessed to do my time alongside the men you see listed on this shout out.  To the parents and spouses of these men, I hope you are proud of your loved one.  These are the men making the choice to change their lives for the better.  Your loved one took the time to do this especially for you this year.  Merry Christmas!  

We may wear the blues, be we don't feel them!  Please scroll down and find your loved one and their shout out! 

Dad & Terry,

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!!  I just want to say thank you for being there for me.  I've done a lot of bad things over the years that have hurt you both.  It's time for me to break out the first aid kit to clean the wounds so they can heal.  Most importantly, I am healing myself by keeping my relationship with God and making it better and better every day.  Love you both.

Your Son, James

Lynne, Larry & Terri,

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year that's filled with holiday cheer!  Since I couldn't be home to give gifts and pretty glitter, I'll send something that will last forever....X's and O's, which don't need bows, and all my love.  I miss and love you all so much.  It's your hearts filled with joy I hope to touch.  I couldn't do this without all of you!  Thank you each for everything.

With Love, Ran

Dear Mom & Pop

The holidays are here and even though I'm not able to be home, I thought I would take this time to tell you that I appreciate everything you do.  We have been through a lot and the holidays don't make it any easier.  Holidays are rough, but should be filled with joy and happiness and the love of our family.  I love you both with all my heart and thank you both for being here for me through this holiday.  I will be home soon.  Merry Christmas!

Love, Joey

Mom, Merry Christmas.  To my three sisters and three brothers, I wish each of you much happiness.  I have missed the last six, but I'll be there in four more!  Thank you all for making this journey with me.  Dad, happy birthday and Merry Christmas.  Two birds, one stone.  :)  Last, but not least, my lady, I am a better man because of you.  You complete me.  I am blessed you can watch from a safe distance and I can correct my wrongs.  I love you all.

Hugs & Kisses, Michael

Hey Ma,

Just wanted to wish you, Kevin and the rest of the family a Merry Christmas.  I wanted to thank you for never giving up on me no matter how bad I screwed up.  Ma, you're my rock and I love you very much.   To my brothers and sisters, I love you and miss you guys.  Dawn & Rick, even though I know you hate me for what I've done, I love you anyways and miss my big siss.  Maybe one day you can find it in your hearts to forgive me.  I'm truly sorry.  Tell Matt I'm proud of him.  Katie, congrats and wish her well and thank God she didn't marry some guy like her uncle!  And tell Yon thanks for the Mountain Dew, hot food and the showers!  Thank you to Megan too!  Murph, love you bro and hope Jen is feeling better.  Marc, Erin and Tara, love you guys and drop me a line if you're so inclined.  Marc saw a picture of you and Bradley with the Mountain in the back...man you gotta take me fishing there!  Kevin, thank you for always taking the time to help me with my van or working on anything really.  You've always been a good dad and grandad.  I love you all and hope to hear from you.  Try not to kill each other at Christmas dinner!!  And, of course, "poop" you're my number one son.  I love you!

To Kim,

I know you wish we could just be together this Christmas, but just know I love you and I will be thinking of you.  Just think of all the nights we kept each other warm and know I'll be home soon.  Just keep the faith. Thank you for loving me when I didn't love myself.  I will always keep you close to my heart.  I know these next few years will be tough, but love is eternal.  (Corinthians 13:4-8)  I love you and hope this makes you smile.

Love Always, Pat

Well.....the high holidays are here once again.  A time that should be shared and spent with family and friends.  While that may sound easy for some it's definitely not the case for all (myself included).  Mom, no matter what you might think of me, you will always be my hero!!!  I love you and wish you a happy holiday.  Jennifer....wow!!  What can I say?  All these years and you chose to stay by my side....actions, baby, always were louder than words to me.  :)  Thanks!  It seems like only yesterday you were knocking on my door with your suitcases.  The love I had in my heart for you then has grown into something words on paper can't describe.  Now, love, trust and respect are key elements that has helped form our relationship.  I'm proud of you baby girl.  Keep on keeping it real!!!  And, of course, to all of you who keep this site up and running....much love and Happy Holidays!  To you and yours, thank you Michael and Brooke for making this possible for guys like me that just don't want the ones we love to forget.  Because being incarcerated does not have to mean that we are lost and without love.

Always, The Rabbi
P.S. Today's Mitzvot {Psalm 25}

Dana & Cloud,

I wanted to take this time to wish you a very happy holiday and a bright New Year!  You are doing such a great job with our daughter and I am very proud of you.  To my little princess, Cloud, I want to tell you how much I love our phone conversations and how sweet of a little person you are.  I love you very much.  Keep up the great work in this upcoming year!!

Your friend and father, Benoit
XXXOOOXOOXX

To my sister Sandy,

Thank you for always being here for me and your shoulder I'm always leaning on.  You are an awesome mom to your kids, daughter to our dad and to me the best sister ever.  I love you and will be coming home soon!

Your brother, Benoit
XXXOOO  

Mom,

I want to thank you for all you have done for me!  Others I want to bring in a New Year and tell ya, I'll be home soon.  To ease your stress and burdens and I love you very much.  Hope we spend many more years together,

Love your son, Dave

Susan,

I want to wish you a Merry Christmas!  I hope you got all that you wished for this morning as you opened your presents.  I love you and I thank you for all that you do for me.

Love you everyday, Randy

I want to wish my family a Merry Christmas and let you all know what you mean to me.  It's not easy to show someone you care when you can't see them.  Thankfully this will be the last Christmas without you.  My daughter Kelsey, if you somehow see this, I know we haven't talked in a few years.  There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of you and miss you.  I can't wait to see how big you are.  Happy holidays to Rave Fields.  Thanks for being there for me and I hope everyone has a safe holiday season.  I will be home soon.  Leave a light on...

Love, Ricky

Hey Mom,

Merry Christmas!  This hasn't been a great year for the family.  Too many deaths.  First Tony, then grandpa, even the damn family cat.  All of them were much too young to leave us.  Let's hope that next year will be brighter.  It WILL be brighter because I have only one more Christmas and one more birthday away from the family and then I'm home!!!  It's hard to believe it's been so long already.  Merry Christmas, happy holidays and here's to a great New Year!

Love, Jay

Grammy, Aunty, Mom, Dad, Chad, Kirt, Derike, Keven, Katy, Jonny, Jodi, Jecht, McKayla, Stan & Jaydi,

I miss you and love you all!  Wish I could be there for the holidays. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

God Bless, Craig

Dear World,

I would like to say I love you and wish each and every one of you a very Merry Christmas.  To my son, Brandon, enjoy everything.  To my heart, Linda and Grandma, I thank God for you two.  To Flaca, Tia Barbie, And, Mindy, Steven, Andrew, Chris Raymond, Tim, Cindy, Euos, Aunt Liz, Denice, my brother Derek, Joey, my momma, Nate, Beth, Courtney, Charlotte, Coto, my son's, momma Lauren and her husband Jesse, their kids, Ms. Andrea, Walter, Preston, Aunty Momma n grandma, Eno's girl Tara what up in Oregon, the homie Zay and his fam in Alaska, Aunt girl Sam, my homegirl Sam and if I forgot anyone I love ya'll!  Anyway, la reina at Wakulla, the big homie "Fred" and el negrito little Eddie, everyone, I love ya'll.  Feliz Navidad y Happy New Year!

~ Anthony

To  my beautiful wife Meleah,

I know this is our first Christmas we must spend apart, and time is our only enemy, with this we have to pass.  Then once again we will walk hand-in-hand, while we make a fresh new start.  Where love and faithfulness shall surely meet and forever you will always be....my true and loyal heart.

I'm so proud of you bae, Merry Christmas darlin'. Thank you for all your support.  Just hold on, I'll be home soon.

Love always, James

To my beautiful wife,

Thank you for being my wife, my partner, my friend, my yes when everything else is no.  I'm sorry we can't be together physically, but you will be in my heart on Christmas just like you are on every other day .  If a snowflake fell everytime I thought of you and our angels, what a white Christmas we'd have. I love you now and always.  Merry Christmas!

Truly Spoken, Yo Terry

To my family and friends,

I give my thanks to God first for putting you all in my life whether past or present.  Second, I give my thanks to you who is reading this.  For giving me hope and inspiration, also for allowing me to be apart of your lives.  Still even with the distances and fences between us love and friendship knows no boundaries.  Mom and Bill, you guys are my backbone when everyone else has gone MIA.  You're always there for me.  You ALL are in my thoughts and prayers.  Some more than you may realize.  Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!  ~Phillip

Howdy,

Warm thoughts, loving memories and huge smiles are the emotions I have when thinking of my family and circle of friends.  You all are wonderful.  Your love and support is unconditional for which I greatly accept as everlasting.  May your holidays be joyful and merry.  Be safe.  God Bless and stay cool.  I love you all.

Merry Christmas, Johnny

First and foremost, I wanna thank my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ for allowing me to wake up this day. I pray for those that are lost and can't find their way.  God promised He will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert (Isaiah 43:19).  To my precious mother who has been our foundation, the back bone of our household, thank you mom for there are no words to describe our endless love, respect and honor that you deserve.  To my brothers and sisters, thank you Anthony, Audy, Nini, Gabby, Wilson.  Boy our mother did a great job!  I am so grateful that our mother taught us how to stay together.  If I could have chosen any brothers and sisters, I would have chosen you!  I love you guys.  Saludes a titi Carmen, Juan, Anthony y familia.  ~Alex

To my family and friends,

I want to start by thanking my mom.  Mom, you are the only one that has been there for me from day one.  You have drove or flown from Grand Rapids all the way to Tampa at least once a year to come visit and you have done everything you can to make sure the phone is on and I have everything I need.   Thanks mom, you truly are the world.  Now I want to thank my brother and sisters for what they have done.  It really means a lot to me that you are there for me when needed.  Cuzo, I want to say that I'm sorry.  I ask you and Uncle Harold both for forgiveness.  You took me in when I had nowhere else to go and I let you both down.  For that I am ashamed, but I love and miss you both.  Bubba, it's been awhile since I heard from ya.  Hit me up.  You know where I am.  Let me know what's up with the girls.  Lorin, if you read this, I want you to know that daddy loves you.  I am so sorry that I haven't been there.  I have tried to write, but your mom says no.  Another year and I'll be there.  Until then, I love and miss you baby.  To everyone else, I love you and miss you all.  See you in 2015.  Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to everybody.

~Jeffrey

The worst mistakes we can make in life are those that we don't learn from.  I've had 12 years to learn from mine.  It will soon be time to let me go so that I can begin putting the pieces back together.  The boy who was locked up has become a man.  Foolish ways are no more. I know many trials and tribulations await my return and I look forward to each one.  These are the weights that now strengthen me.  The puddle of mud that was incarcerated 12 years ago had been hardened by the pressures of this environment into a durable rock.  The integrity, strength and determination of this stone makes it insurmountable.  All I have to give is all that I am.  So I have become all that a man could possibly be.  My prayer is that I may now be a light unto the darkness I once caused. ~Shawn

To all my family and friends,

Have a Merry Christmas and a great start to the New Year!  Going back to court soon, so please keep my in your prayers.  Hopefully this is the last holiday season away from the ones I love!  I have a great woman that has stood by me through all of this, and I owe her the world.  I love you Amanda and can't wait to grow old together!  To my girls, Astrid and Nessa, daddy K will be home soon and be good for mommy!  Thanks for everything mom and dad, without ya'll's support and love, this place would be worse that it is!  You're my best friend mom, I owe you more than is imaginable, but I'll start by changing my life around and making you proud to be my mom!  Wak, thanks for forgiving me and understanding that family's should stand by each other no matter what.  I know I've mad some horrible choices in life, but you live and learn and inside I'm a really great person and grown up a lot.  I love you big sis.  Jordo and Clay, keep up the good work and stay out of trouble.  Trust me, you don't want to end up in my shoes.  This is no place for our family!  Uncle K will be out soon.  And to my boys, Noah and Avery, I'm sorry I've missed so much precious time, but please know that your daddy loves you and thinks of you all the time!

Love your husband, son, brother, uncle father and daddy K, XOXOXOXO

To my family and friends,

I'd like to take this opportunity to thank all of you for your love and support over the years.  It doesn't go unnoticed.  Thank you.  I wish my family and friends great health and good times through the holidays and may 2014 be better than 2013 was.

To Brittney and Roni, my daughter's who have been there every step of the way, I will always love ya'z!  Love, daddy

~Ronald




For most people the holiday season is about celebrating time spent with friends and family and only lasts for a few weeks each year.  Then it is back to business as usual and most don't realize how precious it is to be able to spend time with those they love.  Once that is taken away from you, then you realize how truly precious it is.  My holidays must last all year long because I celebrate every day the little time I am able to talk or visit with my friends and family.  So mom, Jenna, Alex, Alley, Brittany, Jo, Mimi, The Sajjadis and Jacksons, and whoever else I missed:  Merry Christmas!  Although we may not be together, know that I am with you in my heart.  Know that I can't wait to see you or talk to you on the phone.  Hopefully this is the last year we are apart, but if not, we will celebrate together soon.  I love and miss you all.  Happy New Year!

~Chris

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Christmas Angel

Glass House

My whole world took a flip.  How did all this stuff happen?  Five and a half years ago I was a selfish dude who cared only about myself.  You and your feelings rated a big 0 on my meter.  My life was a kill-zone where I was the victim.  Self-medicating had me by the balls. Then bang!!

A judge sentenced me to prison and slingshots me into another world.  I'm still trippin'.  I mean....the world is full of haters who haven't even met me but don't like me.  "Innocent" until proven guilty is a myth.  That shit don't exist.  So I'm glad there are so many people out there playing God.  I used to smoke rocks, now I'm ducking trying not to get knocked the fuck out. 

Somebody must be looking out for me.  I mean my old crew from the street is still using dope, just like they were when I left five years ago.  Some really fell on bad times and are currently pushing daisies. 

Me?  I got a second chance.  The opportunity to get clean and repair all the shit I broke.  And I messed up a super-sized bunch of shit.  Don't think for a second I don't think about it either.  Not a day goes past when I'm not reminded of the skeletons in my closet.

Sobriety is both a blessing and a curse.  The curse being that until you address and begin to repair your faults, there is a lot of guilt.  After all, your not self-medicating and that shit hurts.  Unless your just a piece of shit and don't care.  In which case you probably won't stay sober long, cause sobriety is as much for the people who love you as it is for yourself.  Yeah, think about that.  

So here I was last week, playing my guitar and singing.  I stepped up to the microphone and looked out at nearly 300 prisoners.  Then, setting on the front row was the warden, the head of classification and a handful of officers.  This was the first time I have performed sober and the first time in five years I have played and sang. 

I needed to do this.  For me.  There will come a day that I am free.  Another day after that I will face some hurdle that in the moment will seem to big to cross.  On that day, I will remember me, an acoustic guitar and the day I stood tall.  The day I stood alone. 

I will smile, realizing whatever silly thing I'm up against isn't' shit compared to what I've been through in my life.  The thing that didn't kill me did indeed make me stronger.

David defeated Goliath with just one stone.  However, David had the power of God behind his sling.  I can't help but believe there is a greater purpose to my life.  I'm blessed.  You're reading a blog that is made possible because of you, the reader, and the people who believe in me. 

After my performance last week I felt exhilarated.  My level of confidence in myself has grown.  The other day I was asked to teach in the next music class.  My confidence was noticed and opened a door for me.

Over my lifetime I have seen many doors close.  Quite amazing to now see them opening.  Perhaps God is behind my sling as well.  As long as hes' not behind the rocks being thrown at me, I'll be plenty happy.

Blog Tips from your Jailbird Friend

I think a blog is a lot like a bird feeder. 

It takes time to establish your feeder. 

If you run out of seed the birds find a new place to dine.  

Once they find a new feeder it takes time to bring them back to yours.

The more activity at your feeder lets the other birds know that you have a great menu.  

Could I interest you in some bird seed?    

Sacred Heart

Copyright Tattoo'd Hooligan 2013

35

The other week I spent a three-day weekend visiting the woman who made me. 

J.J. and his momma!

 
Thirty-five years ago this month I was born in a small farm house in southern Indiana.  During my visit with mom she told me the story of the day I was born.

I was born a natural-birth at my parents home.  To this day, my mother remembers every detail and I have her tell me my story every year.  It's a tradition for us.

A lot of water has passed under the bridge in the past 35 years.  Many times I have nearly drowned.  Yet through it all my mother has loved me unconditionally.  I have nothing but respect and love for the woman who gave me life.

We talked about everything from motorcycles and tattoos to children and growing old.  I hate that my mother has to come to this place to see me, but I needed this place to become the man I am today.  Mom know this.  She finally (at my insistence) has quit trying to take the blame for my mistakes in life.  I don't see mistakes, but rather a journey that has shaped the man I am today.  There was a time in my life when I lived to be accepted by my friends.  I did what everyone was doing.  Today, I am firmly rooted and cannot be moved.  I walk my own path and march to my own drum.  Quite often what I find is others following my lead.  This is a blessing and a curse I think.....

Flattering to see some days and yet a constant reminder to watch each step I take.  Through the blog, I have put my life and my journey through prison out there where everyone can watch.  In some way it's become my accountability and my reason to walk the line.  Something we all need at times.

Along the way I see plenty of people who could use a little of this same medicine.  Here I am the prisoner, the convicted felon.  The one everyone want to watch.  Yet when I look at some of my own people, I wish they could find the same peace I have.

I encourage you to watch me.  Especially if you don't like me.  One day I'm going to change your mind about me.  Just remember that I see you too.  Life isn't a one-way street.  I'm still a son and a dad.  On top of that I'm a big brother.  If you're my family then I'm watching you too.....if you're married to my sister, I'm watching you extra close.

I'm not the only one who's accountable here folks.  :)  You are too!

A friend of mine has a tattoo that reads:  "If I know you, I fuck with you.  If I don't know you, then fuck you."

I'm not quite as harsh as my friend is.

Mom, thank you for loving me.  Only a couple more visits and I'll be home.  :)  Four more Thanksgivings and I'll be there with everyone to celebrate.   

From our side of the fence to yours.....

Skull & Feathers

Trademark Tattoo'd Hooligan 2013

Razor Wire

I had plans today to spend time working out.  Then, to my dismay they closed the reck-yard early.  Word is they were performing a mock escape to check their response system.  They take an inmate and have him head off through the woods.  As some point they release the blood hounds on him and track him down.

Dogs are kept on every compound that are trained to track humans.  From time-to-time they put together these mock escapes to see what their reaction time is.  Just like fire-drills and such.  Just another aspect of prison life. 

So reck was closed early to allow the staff to be involved in this training exercise.  This made me chuckle.  Why go over the fence when Florida Department of Corrections is letting them right out the front gate? 

Just a few weeks ago Florida made major news headlines when they mistakenly released two prisoners who forged documents stating they were free to go.  (Click the link to read the story from CNN.)  Among the bogus signatures used was Judge Belvin Perry's signature, the head circuit court judge from Orange County Florida.  The same judge who found Casey Anthony not guilty of the murder of her young child.  Ironically the same judge who sentenced me to my current prison sentence. 

The general public probably doesn't have much idea the intricate fence system that surrounds this establishment.  If you could sell all the steel for scrap metal that hangs on posts around here you would be set for life.  Most people have seen the barbs that are on typical barbed wire.  Most farms have it and if you have ever been tangled in it then you know it's good for a small prick and tearing your clothes up.  Prisons use razor wire.  Little razors stuck every six inches along the main coil. 

There are rolls and rolls of this wire stretched to overlap the next that surround the entire prison.  If you ever managed to get over the fence, you would bleed out within twenty or thirty feet of the fence. 

No dogs needed to track that.  You just follow the blood trail.

There was a time when I fist came to prison that the fence was all I saw.  I never saw it as a possible escape.  Instead you see no hope.  There is no hope of going over that thing.  Once you've done some time, that fence becomes nothing more than the horizon.  It's like walking past the mailbox at the end of your drive.  It's there, but it's nothing other than a fixture in this landscape.

My grandad use to tell me good fences make good neighbors.  He didn't have any fences.  Then again he also owned the 20-acres that surrounded his home.  I haven't decided my final thoughts on fences yet.  It's still an open topic for me.  I'll probably do like grandpa and buy the 20 acres that surround me.

In some way or another we all have fences in our lives.  Some keep people in, some keep people out.  Of course, not all fences are made of metal either.

Off The Wall

J.J. recently was inspired by a new book: Graffiti World (Updated Edition): Street Art from Five Continents.

Here is his first piece of graffiti-styled art, featuring his original signature MS for Michael Smith.  Two years ago, Tattoo'd Hooligan became his registered trademark that he now uses as his signature. 

Trademarked 2013 Tattoo'd Hooligan

Your Privacy At Stake

I live in a world with no privacy.  I dream of freedom and the right to privacy.  The below excerpt from TechDirt is more than disturbing. 


If you don't watch the video, Rogers basically asks all three panelists if they think it's okay to do the kind of business records search that's currently done, and the two intelligence community apologists on the panel immediately agree. Vladeck suggests that there are caveats, and Rogers attacks him for equivocating, misattributing a quote about "give me a one-armed economist" (it was Harry Truman, but Rogers gives credit to Ronald Reagan). Vladeck again points out that the specifics matter, and notes that it's possible to agree with the concept of a program, but not the implementation of the program -- using the death penalty as a comparison. Rogers gets upset at this (bizarrely appearing to totally not comprehend the point Vladeck is making) and then finally Vladeck again points out that the process matters, and it's ridiculous to answer a substantive question about whether the concept makes sense without discussing the process, leading to the following, in which Rogers suggests there are no process questions because no one has complained:

Rogers: I would argue the fact that we haven't had any complaints come forward with any specificity arguing that their privacy has been violated, clearly indicates, in ten years, clearly indicates that something must be doing right. Somebody must be doing something exactly right.

Vladeck: But who would be complaining?

Rogers: Somebody who's privacy was violated. You can't have your privacy violated if you don't know your privacy is violated.

Vladeck: I disagree with that. If a tree falls in the forest, it makes a noise whether you're there to see it or not.

Rogers (astounded): Well that's a new interesting standard in the law. We're going to have this conversation... but we're going to have wine, because that's going to get a lot more interesting...

This is kind of astounding. According to Mike Rogers, you can apparently violate his privacy, so long as he doesn't know about it. How is it that such a person is supposedly in charge of oversight of the intelligence community? He honestly believes that as long as the NSA spies on people privately, their privacy isn't violated?

I believe that when a girl is being violated, but she is passed out, she is being raped.  I agree with Vladeck, that when a tree falls in the forest and nobody is there to hear it, it still makes a sound.  I'm suggesting that we all head to Colorado and enjoy a weekend of drone hunting since it's a new passed law that drones can legally be shot down.

Mr. Rogers, with all due respect, you might want to rethink your previous statement. 

 

Happy Halloween!

Trademarked Tattoo'd Halloween 2013

Popeye: A Bad-Ass Old Man

Copyright Tattoo'd Hooligan 2013

My Experience at Alcholics Anonymous

Today is Monday.  The day I go to A.A.

This was my third week in the meeting and I feel it has already helped me.  Sometimes it's good to hear form people who have it worse than you do.  Other times, it's just talking about a topic that clears things up for me.  At times, I find the very answer I was struggling to come to terms with. 

We need to talk.  When we do, we like someone to listen.  Last week went good for me. 

I applied some of what I learned in group to my life.  When presented with a problem, I addressed that problem rather than let it grow into a mountain that slowly pushed me out of character. 

It amazes me how many people are here in prison that don't use their voice.  They sit down, shut up and just digest the constant pile of shit they are fed.  We are supposedly criminals.  Gangsters who broke the law for one reason or another.  Yet all of a sudden here we become someone who forgets there is a set of nuts that hangs between our legs.  Perhaps those nuts have puckered up and crawled into the ass.  Like a dog with his tail between his legs. 

Prison is a dog-eat-dog environment and you better believe that when you sit down on your bunk and squat to pee, these men notice.  In my attempt at becoming a man who can stay sober, then lead my family....I need to make sure I have a set of balls between my legs. 

Often times I tell my lady we are in the hardest part of our relationship.  If this life of separation doesn't break us and pull us apart, then neither will the free world.  Most people go through the honeymoon stage and after a few years push comes to shove and two people who started a life together fall apart.  If you can stand together through a fence and the miles that separate, then you can stand through life.  This is what I tell my lady. 

Likewise, if in this world of gangsters and big dogs you can hold your own.  If you can stand tall and not be moved.  If you can hold fast to everything you live in here.  Then you will be a success on the street in the real world. 

This is what I have taken from my short time in A.A. 

No, I'm not using drugs.  I am clean.  But I'm realizing there are many other fates a man can encounter other than drugs.  My life will be a struggle.  As an addict I caused my brain to demand drugs.  I altered my state of mind and now I will walk through life having to keep a close eye on things that could become a trigger and cause me to relapse.  That small problem, that goes  unaddressed, becomes a mountain could soon enough cause me to slip and fall.  So, I'm learning to stand up and hold fast to what I love. 

Not only do I want to stay clean, I want to love and lead my family.  In order to do that, I have to put life in perspective.  I'm sure A.A. meetings take on different meaning for every man that attends. 
Drugs steal your pride, your dignity and the balls that hang between your legs.  You live a life of shame.  Being a slave to a vice sucks.  I'm proud to be a leader.  A man who my lady can look to for advice and my mother can be proud to have as a son. 

My life will have struggles, but I know how to handle them as well.  It's this very thing that causes me to live life as if there could be no tomorrow.  Perhaps you should do the same.

The Rabbi's Unpleasant Day at the Visiting Park

A guest post from The Rabbi:

Recently I had the uncomfortable and unpleasant experience of going to the visiting park with my family during one of the department's "brain child" ideas on how to get involved with kids who have an incarcerated parent.

First, a mandatory viewing of the Sesame Street video that all inmates had to watch was played.  Now at first glance one might say "WOW!".  A huge non-profit organization like Sesame Street is involved....it's got to be positive, right?   Well, read on and you be the judge of the first-hand experience I had.

It started as soon as visitor's pulled into the compound.  The suited stiff's were there to meet and greet our loved ones.  People our loved ones would generally never see or talk to (especially if it involved the well being of said incarcerated parent).  Our loved ones were in the visiting park before 8 a.m., which never happens!  Once everyone was filed in, they forced you to listen to someone you didn't know, talk about their "free" family, and how they really cared for family of inmates while camera flashes were non stop!  Catching all the suited higher ups in all their glory!  (Can you say PHOTO OPP!)

Because that is what this amounted to....they forced our families, some of whom traveled miles to see their loved one.  They robbed us of our time together.  Then, once they finished that they played the video for the children to watch.....further trying to lure away the kids from the only real time they spend with their incarcerated parent.

At one point, the warden himself came to our table and asked if my stepdaughter wanted to go up front and watch the movie.  When she said no (she's 5 years old), he looked genuinely puzzled and confused until I explained to him that she is scared of Sesame Street characters.

See....even though I'm incarcerated I make it my business to know thing about my kids.  Their likes and dislikes.  So how is someone in a suit up in Tallahassee going to tell me more about my kids than me?  I was disappointed with the whole ordeal and pissed that my family was subjected to this against their will.

If the department really wants to do something to make it easier on kids who have a parent in prison, how about also making a friendlier child environment both in and on the outside.  The issue is that the parent is in prison, right?  So...when a child comes to visit, an innocent child, you have to ask yourself do you really want to taint your child's mind with information that when the time is right he/she will ask about anyways?  Isn't that the point of the Sesame Street program?  That when your child is asking questions, there is a program in place to help if you see fit?   

Maybe it's me, but when I see this issue, I see it through all perspectives.  Not just through an office window.   I mean as it stands, the department expects you (the reader) and me (the parent) to believe that they want to help the children of those who are incarcerated.  If the department of corrections really wants to help the children of those who are incarcerated, they might consider providing hands-on job training and job placement upon release instead of 50 bucks and a boot in the ass as you go out the door.  (And simply using the Sesame Street program for a big photo opp!)

I'm insulted and I feel as thought they have insulted your intelligence by exposing you to this. 

Lucky 13

Here's a hip piece of art featuring a motorcycle sprocket.

An interesting piece with a little splash.

J.J. Meets Big Bird

The other day J.J.'s dad came to visit.  Here they are.....taking their photo with Big Bird, Cookie Monster, Grover and the gang.

Why is J.J. on Sesame Street?  Because Sesame Street recently created a new character named Alex who talks about the stigma of having a parent in jail.  Along with this new character, they have a tool kit for families to use to help their children coping with a parent incarcerated.  

A few weeks ago, J.J.'s friend The Rabbi experience first-hand how D.O.C. used the Sesame Street program to engage with families.  Stay tuned for his story next week!

Today, enjoy this gangster hangin' with his dad and Big Bird....in his new Reeboks! 

How Should An Inmate Be Treated?

"Some individuals might say that these inmates deserve this treatment because they are criminals, and society continually shames criminals, and teaches us to outcast them. But many individuals within the United States justice system, are behind bars because they have committed non-violent crimes. Does the senseless attack on them seem justified? Individuals in prison are already receiving their punishment for having committed any previous crime, arbitrary attacks (considering the illegality) should not be tolerated, the actions should be treated for the assault that they are."

The above is an excerpt from "Exposing The Truth: Prison Guards Repeatedly Abuse Inmates".

Read the entire story at http://www.exposingthetruth.co/prison-guards-repeatedly-abuse-inmates/#axzz2gxlLJW8M.

Do you wonder how often this happens?  If these are the reported stories, how many others go unreported?  

What do YOU think?  

Are these sorts of attacks justified?  Is shaming criminals justified? 

Or might we strive to encourage rehabilitation and help make the world a better place for all of us? 

 

Shiny Red Car

Mean people suck.  A phrase I have seen on bumpers of cars many time over the years.

Bumper stickers on your ride may be out of style, but mean people still suck.  There are certain deductions in life you can make.  Although the man in the shiny red sports car may not be compensating for a small penis, many times I suppose they are.  And when one person stands in a group talking much louder than needed, what he's saying is probably unimportant.  Since when what you say (if it's important) will demand one's attention.  We all know empty cans rattle the most....and do they ever.

So what about these mean people?  Perhaps someone is mad that his penis is small and he can't afford the shiny red car.  That would make a guy mad I suppose.  A stupid man can seem smart until he opens his mouth and proves otherwise.  Maybe the guy with the small member should keep pants on?  That way only he will know the caliber of his gun.

Guys are lucky in that way.  Nobody can see the engine if you keep the hood closed.  Imagine if we were more like women and had to wear our pecker on our chest.  Oral sex wouldn't be a problem anymore, but your produce is in the center aisle.  Then again, women found a way to transform the itty bitty titty....thank God for push ups!  They have always been the smarter sex.  It was probably a woman who opened the hood, saw the small radiator hose and quickly invented the penis pump.  Not only do they try to change our bad habits, get us to put the seat down, but now they want to pump on our pecker to make it larger.

So back to mean people.  They are here in prison and they are out there too.  I saw the news of people fighting each other to be at the front of the line to buy their new Apple smart phone.  I thought to myself, "Dear God.  What has the world come to?"  They're fighting in here to be the first in line to get two pieces of bologna and a scoop of cheese grits and their parents are out there fighting over a telephone.

I hope I don't sound like the pissed off person.  Really, I'm not.  What I am is observant.  What I see is really dumb people.  They tell me here that next year they will change the format for the G.E.D. test.  By next year the test will be harder to pass.  It's working though.  Because now dudes are rushing to sign up to take the test while it's still easier.  I don't know why when all your life consists of is the size of the rims on your car and what carat your chain is.  As far as I can tell the man with the most toys when he dies, is still dead.  Maybe it truly does boil down to the shiny red sports car and a penis pump.  Who knows.

I've been in here for five years.  Only five left.  I remind myself of this often.  Some days I see myself as nearly there.  Other days five seems a looooong way of still.  Those days most often come due to mean people, cutting in the line to get their bologna.  What I would like to do is steal your rims for my boat anchor.  Right after I key the paint on your red car, then shove that penis pump up your ass.

But I'm not mad.  I'm just sayin'.....

Lucky 13

Good Times vs. Bad Times

Here is a piece of art J.J. drew a few years ago!  

The exhaust pipes coming out of the engine turn into prison bars. 

His sister, Ester, helped turn this into graphic art for a hoodie one day in the future.

 

Change Has Come

The day we truly believe people can't change is the very day we give up hope for the entire world.

If we give up on change, than we give up on hope.  And if nobody can change, then we ourselves are admitting defeat since we would be included as well.

Thank God change is real.  Anyone can change.  However, like anything else in the life you have to believe.  That's what makes the change.  Christians put faith in God.  When they do, they feel his blessing in their life. 

It amazes me when people say change isn't possible for someone.  I'm always blessed to hear a victory story from the addict who has remained clean for 10 years now.  He will tell you for sure change is real.  Quite possibly change has saved his life.  Change most certainly saved mine. 

Changing is as simple as altering your normal course of direction.  Personally I believe most of my changes have come about because I realized my life came up against a wall.  The other percentage comes from the haters who stereotype and say I can't.

For this very reason I write.  Very openly and even too open, at times, for some people's taste.  However, at the end of the day, it's in your face.  I invite people to watch me.  A big part of change is no doubt accountability.  In an attempt to seal the door closed on my past drug use, I have educated my friends and family on my past use.  There was a time when I isolated myself so I could use vices without resistance from people who cared.  That's before I cared.  Today that's all changed....and there's that word again. 

If you don't believe in change, then I challenge you to continue following my life.

Perhaps you are that very person who doesn't believe.  Maybe you were cheated on by the partner you thought would be your soul mate.  Perhaps it's happened more than once and you refuse to give your heart away again.

There are so many reasons people refuse to believe in change.  Perhaps you know an addict who has time and time again returned to their vice.  Maybe you reached out with your time and money to help them and they turned right around and threw it away.

People go to a church and seek God.  Years later they find out the pastor has been having an affair with the deacons wife.  If we let these things break us, then we have become defeated.  For your sake, I hope you can find change.  Sometimes it isn't about others changing.  Perhaps it's us who need to change.  Maybe our point of view on thing needs to change.

I write to make people think.  However, I write about my own life experiences.  Change is dear to my heart since it is saving my life.  One day at a time.  That's what it boils down to.  One foot in front of the other.

My changes weren't coming on my own, so I was brought to a place that inspires change.  Jonah went into the belly of a whale.  Change will find us wherever we are.  I'm just saying.....   

Breaking Stereotypes

One person at a time!  Tonight, a beauty queen who is also in the U.S. Army, breaks down the stereotypes of tattoos! 

That's right, tonight  Miss Kansas Theresa Vail, 22, will proudly stand tall  showing off two large tattoos while she participates in as  Miss America contestant!  (She will be the FIRST contestant to show her tattoos in the history of Miss America!)

We give Miss Kansas a HUGE high-five!  What about you?  

USA Today reports.....

Miss America contestant shows her tattoos

Ann Oldenburg, USA TODAY 11:18 a.m. EDT September 13, 2013

She's also in the U.S. Army and can sing opera.

(Photo: Edward Lea, AP)

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It's a first for the Miss America pageant. Miss Kansas Theresa Vail, 22, will be proudly sporting two large tattoos during Sunday's contest (ABC, 9 p.m. ET).

She showed them off during Tuesday's preliminary competition in Atlantic City.  One of them is a Serenity Prayer on her right side. The other is the insignia of the U.S. Army Dental Corps on her left shoulder.

More: Judge Mario Canton has advice for Miss America

She has stirred up news this week with the revelation. On Friday's Good Morning America, she noted, "Half the girls have tattoos, they just choose to cover them." But she has gotten lots of support. And not just for the tattoos. Vail is also a sergeant in the U.S. Army, only the second contestant ever to be on active duty.

"Nobody expects a soldier to be a beauty queen," Vail told People magazine. "But I'm all about breaking stereotypes."

She added, "My whole platform is empowering women to overcome stereotypes and break barriers. What a hypocrite I would be if I covered my ink," Vail said. "How can I tell other women to be fearless and true to themselves if I can't do the same? I am who I am, tattoos and all."

But wait, there's more. Vail is also an M16 marksman, a bow hunter and a mechanic. The beauty queen idea came just nine months ago on the advice of her commanding officer. One problem: she was told she wouldn't be able to use archery as her talent. No worries; she picked opera.
And how is she stacking up so far? According to Bovada.lv, we should

Gone Fishing

Gone Fishing provided to you by a guest artist....the one and only....The Rabbi.

Dear Mom....

God.  I thought August would never end.  Really, the month in itself passed quickly, but the heat...  The other day I broke out with a rash.  It appears to be some sort of fungus.  It's on the outside of my hip, rather than the inside where the typical summer itch would be.   The whole ordeal has left me in discomfort and quite honestly pissed.  The only comfort is to scratch it and that only awakes a fire that resembles hellfire.  On top of all this it's also taken me back to being a teenager.

During my teen years I played football for Roscommon High.  This mainly consisted of drinking large quantities of Vodka, then smoking a joint and last of all strapping on a bunch of pads and smashing into each other.  Pre-season training began in the heat of summer and under all those pads all you do is sweat.

So I'm sweating my ass off and half way through my 16th summer I develop a god awful rash.  This one was between my legs.  I scratched it and it spread and was a fire that unless you have ever experienced you have no idea.

This probably happens to every teen.  Problem was that I was also having sex that summer.  I was deathly afraid I had contracted an S.T.D. and was scared shitless.  My fear was if I went to the doctor they would tell my parents I had sex and caught some "sex disease".  Being the bright, young 16-year old jock I was, I scratched and burned myself through an entire summer.

That was a long time ago.  However, as I have dealt with this current situation, it took me back to all those years ago.  I'm sure I'm not the only poor bastard who has done the same.  Been scared to death his parents find out he's having sex, so dealt with a burning crotch.  That was a big price to pay for my pleasure.  And looking back, I don't believe it slowed me one bit.  I can only assume my mother will have a fine chuckle as she reads this.

Currently I am a 34 year old man and life isn't so awkward for me anymore.  I phoned home today and spoke to my mom. I told her about my rash.  We are both adults, ironically I am currently not having sex.  Uhh....I do believe my mother knows that. 

My mom is an incredible woman.  I am finally pleased to be at a place in my life where I know I too have become an incredible ass.  I mean incredible person.

It took a long trail of tears to get to this point.  My life has given my mother grey hair and caused her to take up smoking.  I'm pleased she hasn't developed a drinking problem as well.  I say this with the utmost love and respect for a woman who not only loves her children unconditionally, but goes to work every day trying to help other families.  My mother is a social worker and works with the department of children and families.  They commonly get a bad rap when shitty people say all they want to do is take people's children away.

My mother spends her week trying to keep families together.  I believe that is why my being in prison kills my mother so much.  While she spends her life trying to help families stay connected and together, her eldest son is states away and locked in prison.  Today, I sit here and remember being a dumb teenager.  Rebelling against every rule my parents set for me.  Yet loving them enough to not want to break their heart.  Teenagers and prisoners have a lot in common.  The mind is a constant battle ground.

I would like to make a slight modification to a well known country song:

"Momma's, pray your babies do grow up to be cowboys...."

Mom, I love you.  Thank you for the heart you gave me.  Thank you for sticking around long enough to see me use it.  ~ Your Son

Collect Calls

August brings the heat.  This past several weeks is by far the hottest month of the year.  Usually July would have ranked the same.  This July wasn't nearly what August was.  The month is now over.  Just a few more weeks to go before the weather begins to cool off. 

Just walking to the reck-yard the other day I passed two black eyes and a nose with stitches.  Everywhere you go, you hear arguments that escalate into who's dick is bigger.  Tempers are flaring and fuses are short.  This happens each year.  Small things become big things and before you know it punches are thrown and someone gets their lip split.

One of the biggest fights is over the phones.

A call lasts 15 minutes.  Guys watch the clock.  They know when you dial and likewise they know when it should be their turn.  Problems result when someone dials back.  The man on the phone decides to buck the guy behind him and calls his people back for a second call.  When next in line realizes this, he confronts the man on the phone about the dial-back.  The man on the phone says, "...what you want to do about it?!"  Meaning....you think your bad?  Then do something.  Make me get off.

This presents you with a decision.  Somebody has been watching the entire situation unfold.  If you just back down and tell him to go ahead, then you have tucked your tail.  Here in prison we say that you "bitched up".  Anyone who sees this takes it as a sign of weakness on your part.  You have established you won't do anything.  After all it's your people on that phone line.  If you won't stand up for them, you won't stand up for shit.  That's how your read here when you back down.  Your other option is to react.

Twice when I was presented with this dilemma I reached out and pushed down the receiver on their call.  Both times they walked away and did nothing.  One other time I had a visit two days later.  The dude on the phone had a reputation and I knew he would fight. So, my decision was to let him have that so I wouldn't miss my visit by being in the box for fighting.

A lot of prison life is preventive maintenance.  I watch who has the phone in front of me.  I don't go after someone I know double dials.  Then, I'm not the one presented with a decision about what to do when he dials back.  You have to always be ready for anything in here.  You have to keep your mind sharp so you don't walk blindly into a bad situation.  Then, when faced with a problem consider the outcome.  Life here is some smarts, some instinct, some gut feeling, and finding the balance.

They say you know a happy biker by the bugs in his teeth.  In prison, you know a scrapper by the lack of his teeth.  I still have all mine.  My nose is still fairly straight.  To date I have found the balance I need to navigate this life.  

Our lives are all made up by balance.  We need air, water and food to live.  In some ways, life back here isn't all that different from life out there.  Still, the days can't pass quick enough to bring me home.  Until then, I have fifteen minutes calls and will wait in a line for my turn to call the people I love.

Unforgiven

I've been spending a lot of time enjoying Spanish culture.  

I have noticed this is a recurring theme.  Here is my rendition of some Spanish art. 

Tattoo'd Hooligan Copyright 2013

Prison 101

Prison rape.  One of the top fears a new prisoner has to deal with. 

People make jokes...."Don't drop the soap in the shower."  But for many it is no laughing matter.  Last week the administration showed a video on this very topic.  There is a rape hotline where inmates can report an assault.  The problem is many times if goes unnoticed. The violated is shamed and on top of that is many times threatened into not telling.

Doing time has changed over the years.  Prison at one time had weight cages where guys could pump iron.  Inmates got huge and put down on the smaller guys.  That's why there are weapons in prison.  So the small guy can go back and stab the big guy wen he falls asleep.

These muscled prisoners soon began to scare guards who tend to be over weight and out of shape.  Instead of hiring in shape male guards, it was easier to remove the weights from the prison.  On the other end of this spectrum is guys coming to prison that resemble Harry Potter.  Guys who can't defend themselves so they have to pay for protection.  This where things get complicated.  Most people have heard of a con-man.  Well, one of those cons is called a two-man con.  Meaning two cons work together to pull the job off.

One example is that someone comes and robs you of all your canteen.  Perhaps they come and take your canteen, then give you a list for another $100 that they say you owe them.  If you Harry Potter then get scared.  You wonder what to do.  You can barely sleep.

They let you ponder this.  Lose some sleep.  You begin to get ate up with fear.  Once they figure your ripe to pick, the second guy comes into your life.  He tells you he hears you were robbed.  Then you learn he's ironically from the same town your from.  All of a sudden your chatting and find you have things in common.   You think you have mad a new friend who cares for you.  He's even going to look out for you.  Nobody will rob you anymore.  You're OK now.

What you did was meet the other side of the two-man con.

Prison is complicated like this.  Before you know it your all wrapped up into someting you never saw coming.  In the old days guys just took your shit.  They robbed you and if you they wanted, raped you.

These days prison still has a few of them left, but for the most part it's full of hustlers and con-men.  Before long, Harry Potter is paying some man $50 a week for protection.  A month later he's giving him a blow job as well.

We call it extortion.  Happens in prison every day.  Before long Harry doesn't even realize he's being violated.  He just accepts this as his life.  Back here we say Harry has been "aired out".  Harry will transfer one day to a different prison.  Instead of get robbed, he just goes and immediately finds what we call a "war daddy"....a man who looks out for him in exchange for canteen and piece of ass. 

The prison rape video was educational, but I think it's time they update it.  People about to enter prison need to be educated on the con-man.  Rule number one.....

Nothing is free in prison.  What seems free, you will pay for later.  

Did you just drop your soap?