The Horse

Today I was sitting here reading the January issue of The Horse Magazine.

The reason I'm reading a back issue is because the Florida literary review committee has deemed them a threat to the well being and security of inmates.  Therefore, have rejected my last three issues.

The thing that amazes me is that we are in a men's prison.  Not the boy scouts.  Every man here is over 18.  We can fight for our country, give our life on a front line, buy beer and cigarettes, but all the music you purchase on your MP3 player will be completely edited.  Recently it's been the publications.  My Men's Health was rejected because it taught you how to tie a knot.

You learn how to tie your shoes at like 5.  It's a milestone in a boys life.  If you don't know how to tie a knot and you are currently old enough to do time in a men's prison, then you're two fries short of a happy meal.  If this is the case, than clearly you need to learn to tie one.  Did the prison stop to consider this would be a good thing?  

If you're over 18 and can't tie a knot you need to learn.  And you'll no doubt be so proud of yourself, the last thing on your mind would be a noose to hang yourself with.  That's the only threat I can think of.  Other than that, not much else would constitute a knot as a threat.

So what's the problem with The Horse Magazine?  Before prison, I was a terrible drug addict.  I was fortunate to be a drug addict with a motorcycle.  I dated a woman in my late teen years who owned a Harley Davidson Sportster 1200.  After riding it for nearly a year, I purchased my own.  I went for a 1997 Road King with the quick detach saddlebags and windshield.  This way I could quickly transform a touring bike into a sleek old girl with curves to kill.

Riding that bike was the only time I was free from the prison addiction placed on my life.  So today, in my current prison, I enjoy revisiting that freedom.  And I do that when I sit down and read The Horse.  Notice I didn't mention that other biker magazine?  Although it's wonderful to see half dressed women draped on motorcycles, I like to see bikes that even I could afford.  If you'll turn with me to page 32 of The Horse issue #126, you will see an article written by a dude called Mudd.  An underground chopper story called Nikki.

If you consider your relationship with your bike a love affair, you need to read this man's article.  Brilliant.  I do a little writing myself, and was moved to tears to see a man as passionate about his bike as I am.  This magazine is tasteful and even a conservative woman like my own is not put off my the women featured.  It's obvious to see that The Horse is a magazine about the bikes, the men who build them, and then actually ride what they build.  When the prison rejects my magazines I take option number two and send them home.

Home is where my wonderful lady patiently awaits my return.  While she waits, she can read my rejected issues of The Horse.

Crank

Flipping through my handheld, portable am-fm radio the other day.....I heard a Pentecostal preacher state "Church!!  You better turn before you burn!"  This made me chuckle.  Then I remembered another familiar quote....something about all these dudes in prison who "all of a sudden turn to Jesus".  And it made me think...."Why is that?"  Well......

Even a nice dog will bite when cornered in an alley.  I assume that a prisoner invites any option when they feel at the dead end of life.  The problem is: once given back his freedom, will he stay rooted in Salvation?   

Perhaps instead of pointing out what a prisoner does when up against a wall....maybe you should consider exploring new and alternative options.  I will assume you're probably a real responsible parent as well.  You want to make sure your child doesn't wind up in prison....deflowering your upstanding family name in the community.  Yet in the process, you have become an unapproachable parent. I hope it's OK if your teen turns to God, when they don't feel like they can turn to you. 

I don't figure you would like to pull into McDonald's and be told there is no longer a menu for you to choose from.  All you can get is a happy meal.  Yeah.....your not gonna be real happy about that.  So you enjoy having some of your own choices don't you?  Yeah....I thought so. 

This is not me throwing a jab at you.  I'm merely encouraging you to be open to options in any form.  I'm currently reading a book called "Crank".  No, it's no about engine parts.  The book is about the drug.  Crank.  Crystal meth.  Ice.  Whatever you want to call it.  One of the only drugs you can shoot, smoke, snort, eat or drink.  The book refers to it as the MONSTER. 

In this book, a teenage girl becomes hooked on the drug.  The young girl knows she has a problem, but isn't able to talk to her parents about it.  i was a young person on drugs, and couldn't turn to my parents. 

My daughter turned 15 just the other day.  When I write to her, I often talk to her about things teenagers face.  Instead of trying to act like bad doesn't exist, I want to discuss it.  I want there to always be open lines of communication. 

Right now I am in prison.  That makes open lines of communication even harder.  So what do I do?  Yeah....I turn to God.  Unfortunately, I didn't do that before prison.  No, I'm the dude who came to prison, but once against the wall, decided I needed some help.  And....in doing so, I believe I have found the answers to become a better person. 

Please don't take away from my experience with your theory on prisoners who find religion.  I didn't find religion....I got saved.  Do you understand the difference?  That's why I'm free even behind this fence. 

If you have a teenager yourself, consider reading the book called "Crank".  Perhaps if will open your eyes.  I'm trying to open your eyes....in the end if may be your teenager who does instead.  My teenager has opened my eyes....perhaps more than anything else in life could.  The other day she turned 15.  Today I believe God gave her to me to forever change my life.  She has made me better.  This year, her birthday marked two years since I smoked.  I'm not going to say "turn before your burn".....but I will say "turn before you hit that tree!"

HA! HA!  Gotcha.

Along Came A Spider

With my new job in food service came a new dorm, a new bunk, new neighbors, and a new view out a different window.  Then, along came a spider that has given me an even better view than that window provided. 

Living in this window, not fourteen inches from my head, is a Brown Recluse spider.  I assume a completely sane person would remove the spider and tear down the web.  Thing is...the spider was there before me and nobody has been rushed to the hospital from a spider bite.  This logic may seem odd to you.  However, we ride man-made roller-coasters that can fail at any time.  We attend happy hour where we drink one too many and then drive home, putting not only our lives, but the lives of others on the line.  And this all seems completely sane to us.  Really it's all a matter of perspective I suppose.

I doubt this spider knows his own power.  His life consists of catching flies and the occasional moth.   Somewhere in society is a person who would like nothing more than to step on me and tear down my web.  So the spider can live in my window.  We are two rebels that deserve to live. 

I don't expect you to agree with me.  Case in point....

I have a toxic spider living inches from my head.  A spider that sticks to his web.  Coming out only at night to repair his web and collect his meal.  Two years ago my sister began a blog as a way for people to follow my life both before and during my incarceration in D.O.C.  As a reader you have watched that journey take place.  Within my first year imprisoned, my direct appeal was denied.  Fifteen months ago I asked the courts to again review my case.  A few weeks ago I filed a motion asking the courts to show cause and rule on that motion.

I let my family know what I was doing.  My woman asked if I was nervous.  I realized that in fact, I am not.  I'm just ready to know the courts decision.  Some things are out of our hands.  I did ask my lady if she could handle six more years if they again deny me.  My lady laughs and says, "Oh, Michael....you're a silly boy!!"  God bless the ladies in my life who see past my many faults and choose to love me unconditionally. 

Unconditional love brings me back to the spider.  Somewhere he probably has a mother who doesn't care that he is poisonous.  She loves him for who he is.  I'm just saying....

Society as a whole has begun to change the way they view people.  The older generation of conservatives is slowly being replaced by a more liberal group.  So even though I can't flip burgers at McDonald's, I can marry another man if that's what I choose.  There was a time being labeled a convicted felon excluded you from many jobs.  Although that is changing also,  it is ironic that it never seemed to exclude us from cleaning your pool or carpet, picking up your trash, changing the oil in your car, mowing your grass, or building your home.  For that matter, the logic behind some people's thought process amazes me.  And you thought I'm crazy because a spider lives in my window.

Today the number of felons has sky-rocketed.  More than likely you know one, if not have one directly in your family.  Perhaps you are one.  Do you ever feel like that spider?  Wishing you could just maintain your web and catch a few flies without some sorry-ass prick coming by to tear down your web?

Keep reading this blog.  It's like finding Waldo with a twist!  What's that Tattoo'd Hooligan up to today?  I'm somewhere within the parameters of this chain-length fence.  Whether I'm marching in a formed line or spraying food off cafeteria trays...I'm in here.  Be happy that you are out there.