CHOKE

I read a statistic that states...

"People who read blogs tend to spend 3-5 minutes before they lose interest."

Consequently I began to shorten my speeches.  Still, I must ask...what were you doing prior to reading this?  I hope it wasn't productive....since this won't be! 

There is an ad for Rosetta Stone that states.....

"In the time you spend listening to this ad, you could have learned a new language."

Then the bastards go on to remind you that indeed you did not learn a new language.  And you should consider that possibility in case you want to talk to the guys cutting your grass.  I won't remind you of what you are not doing.  Instead, allow me to say THANKS!  Thank you for giving me three to five minutes of your time.

With reality TV you can actually watch a prisoner's life.  Here, you only read about me.  Then again, who wants to watch a prisoner talk shit and do push-ups for two hours?  Looks like I only have about two more minutes of your time.  I should move on.

Last week I was looking for a way to kill some time.  My buddy suggested we try the library.  We entered the multipurpose building before realizing the library is closed.  Then we discover the exit door is locked.  That's when the music starts, and the choir begins to sing.  My friend's eyes get big and all I can say is "Hallelujah!" That was our first service here and my friend says his last.  

I was surprised to see my name under the schedule to meet with the chaplain this week.  Church last week, now a personal meeting?  Did I piss off God?  So I show up to the meeting....the chaplain does not.  I do the logical thing and slide over to the library to check out new books.  Since I finished Crank, I decided to grab two more.  Books with short titles grab my attention.  Short, simple and to the point.  My new book is Choke.  My next choice wasn't short...How to Kill a Florida Tourist.  And I just had to have this one.  Wouldn't you know it....as I leave the library I see the chaplain finally showed up. 

My choices are to run the other way or face the music.  I walk into his office.  The chaplain wants to know if I am interested in signing up for a faith based prison.  That's what I just left.  So, I look at him to see if he's serious.  Staring at me over the top of his coke bottle glasses, I realize that he is indeed serious.  At which time I drop my latest reading material onto his desk.  I continued to explain to him that my last prison was faith based.  I am not interested in going back.  Would he like me to put that in writing for him?

Was it the book titles strategically facing him?  Perhaps the words CHOKE and KILL stood out.  He reaches into his desk and produces a sign out sheet.  My faith and character have been tested ever since I came to prison.  Ironically, the biggest tests came during my stay at faith and character camps.  All I want to do is catch up on my reading.

Looks like our time is up.  I stretched the three to a five.  You did not learn a new language.  Nor did this accomplish anything productive.  If you have enjoyed doing nothing, then you too may want to check out the book Choke.  Chuck Palahniuk is the author.  You better know him as the author of Fight Club.  Hang on for one wild ride.  As is my life.  Thanks for joining me.         

  

Crank

Flipping through my handheld, portable am-fm radio the other day.....I heard a Pentecostal preacher state "Church!!  You better turn before you burn!"  This made me chuckle.  Then I remembered another familiar quote....something about all these dudes in prison who "all of a sudden turn to Jesus".  And it made me think...."Why is that?"  Well......

Even a nice dog will bite when cornered in an alley.  I assume that a prisoner invites any option when they feel at the dead end of life.  The problem is: once given back his freedom, will he stay rooted in Salvation?   

Perhaps instead of pointing out what a prisoner does when up against a wall....maybe you should consider exploring new and alternative options.  I will assume you're probably a real responsible parent as well.  You want to make sure your child doesn't wind up in prison....deflowering your upstanding family name in the community.  Yet in the process, you have become an unapproachable parent. I hope it's OK if your teen turns to God, when they don't feel like they can turn to you. 

I don't figure you would like to pull into McDonald's and be told there is no longer a menu for you to choose from.  All you can get is a happy meal.  Yeah.....your not gonna be real happy about that.  So you enjoy having some of your own choices don't you?  Yeah....I thought so. 

This is not me throwing a jab at you.  I'm merely encouraging you to be open to options in any form.  I'm currently reading a book called "Crank".  No, it's no about engine parts.  The book is about the drug.  Crank.  Crystal meth.  Ice.  Whatever you want to call it.  One of the only drugs you can shoot, smoke, snort, eat or drink.  The book refers to it as the MONSTER. 

In this book, a teenage girl becomes hooked on the drug.  The young girl knows she has a problem, but isn't able to talk to her parents about it.  i was a young person on drugs, and couldn't turn to my parents. 

My daughter turned 15 just the other day.  When I write to her, I often talk to her about things teenagers face.  Instead of trying to act like bad doesn't exist, I want to discuss it.  I want there to always be open lines of communication. 

Right now I am in prison.  That makes open lines of communication even harder.  So what do I do?  Yeah....I turn to God.  Unfortunately, I didn't do that before prison.  No, I'm the dude who came to prison, but once against the wall, decided I needed some help.  And....in doing so, I believe I have found the answers to become a better person. 

Please don't take away from my experience with your theory on prisoners who find religion.  I didn't find religion....I got saved.  Do you understand the difference?  That's why I'm free even behind this fence. 

If you have a teenager yourself, consider reading the book called "Crank".  Perhaps if will open your eyes.  I'm trying to open your eyes....in the end if may be your teenager who does instead.  My teenager has opened my eyes....perhaps more than anything else in life could.  The other day she turned 15.  Today I believe God gave her to me to forever change my life.  She has made me better.  This year, her birthday marked two years since I smoked.  I'm not going to say "turn before your burn".....but I will say "turn before you hit that tree!"

HA! HA!  Gotcha.