Thursday, September 12, 2013

Gone Fishing

Gone Fishing provided to you by a guest artist....the one and only....The Rabbi.

Sunday, September 8, 2013

Dear Mom....

God.  I thought August would never end.  Really, the month in itself passed quickly, but the heat...  The other day I broke out with a rash.  It appears to be some sort of fungus.  It's on the outside of my hip, rather than the inside where the typical summer itch would be.   The whole ordeal has left me in discomfort and quite honestly pissed.  The only comfort is to scratch it and that only awakes a fire that resembles hellfire.  On top of all this it's also taken me back to being a teenager.

During my teen years I played football for Roscommon High.  This mainly consisted of drinking large quantities of Vodka, then smoking a joint and last of all strapping on a bunch of pads and smashing into each other.  Pre-season training began in the heat of summer and under all those pads all you do is sweat.

So I'm sweating my ass off and half way through my 16th summer I develop a god awful rash.  This one was between my legs.  I scratched it and it spread and was a fire that unless you have ever experienced you have no idea.

This probably happens to every teen.  Problem was that I was also having sex that summer.  I was deathly afraid I had contracted an S.T.D. and was scared shitless.  My fear was if I went to the doctor they would tell my parents I had sex and caught some "sex disease".  Being the bright, young 16-year old jock I was, I scratched and burned myself through an entire summer.

That was a long time ago.  However, as I have dealt with this current situation, it took me back to all those years ago.  I'm sure I'm not the only poor bastard who has done the same.  Been scared to death his parents find out he's having sex, so dealt with a burning crotch.  That was a big price to pay for my pleasure.  And looking back, I don't believe it slowed me one bit.  I can only assume my mother will have a fine chuckle as she reads this.

Currently I am a 34 year old man and life isn't so awkward for me anymore.  I phoned home today and spoke to my mom. I told her about my rash.  We are both adults, ironically I am currently not having sex.  Uhh....I do believe my mother knows that. 

My mom is an incredible woman.  I am finally pleased to be at a place in my life where I know I too have become an incredible ass.  I mean incredible person.

It took a long trail of tears to get to this point.  My life has given my mother grey hair and caused her to take up smoking.  I'm pleased she hasn't developed a drinking problem as well.  I say this with the utmost love and respect for a woman who not only loves her children unconditionally, but goes to work every day trying to help other families.  My mother is a social worker and works with the department of children and families.  They commonly get a bad rap when shitty people say all they want to do is take people's children away.

My mother spends her week trying to keep families together.  I believe that is why my being in prison kills my mother so much.  While she spends her life trying to help families stay connected and together, her eldest son is states away and locked in prison.  Today, I sit here and remember being a dumb teenager.  Rebelling against every rule my parents set for me.  Yet loving them enough to not want to break their heart.  Teenagers and prisoners have a lot in common.  The mind is a constant battle ground.

I would like to make a slight modification to a well known country song:
"Momma's, pray your babies do grow up to be cowboys...."

Mom, I love you.  Thank you for the heart you gave me.  Thank you for sticking around long enough to see me use it.  ~ Your Son

Monday, September 2, 2013

Collect Calls

August brings the heat.  This past several weeks is by far the hottest month of the year.  Usually July would have ranked the same.  This July wasn't nearly what August was.  The month is now over.  Just a few more weeks to go before the weather begins to cool off. 

Just walking to the reck-yard the other day I passed two black eyes and a nose with stitches.  Everywhere you go, you hear arguments that escalate into who's dick is bigger.  Tempers are flaring and fuses are short.  This happens each year.  Small things become big things and before you know it punches are thrown and someone gets their lip split.

One of the biggest fights is over the phones.

A call lasts 15 minutes.  Guys watch the clock.  They know when you dial and likewise they know when it should be their turn.  Problems result when someone dials back.  The man on the phone decides to buck the guy behind him and calls his people back for a second call.  When next in line realizes this, he confronts the man on the phone about the dial-back.  The man on the phone says, "...what you want to do about it?!"  Meaning....you think your bad?  Then do something.  Make me get off.

This presents you with a decision.  Somebody has been watching the entire situation unfold.  If you just back down and tell him to go ahead, then you have tucked your tail.  Here in prison we say that you "bitched up".  Anyone who sees this takes it as a sign of weakness on your part.  You have established you won't do anything.  After all it's your people on that phone line.  If you won't stand up for them, you won't stand up for shit.  That's how your read here when you back down.  Your other option is to react.

Twice when I was presented with this dilemma I reached out and pushed down the receiver on their call.  Both times they walked away and did nothing.  One other time I had a visit two days later.  The dude on the phone had a reputation and I knew he would fight. So, my decision was to let him have that so I wouldn't miss my visit by being in the box for fighting.

A lot of prison life is preventive maintenance.  I watch who has the phone in front of me.  I don't go after someone I know double dials.  Then, I'm not the one presented with a decision about what to do when he dials back.  You have to always be ready for anything in here.  You have to keep your mind sharp so you don't walk blindly into a bad situation.  Then, when faced with a problem consider the outcome.  Life here is some smarts, some instinct, some gut feeling, and finding the balance.

They say you know a happy biker by the bugs in his teeth.  In prison, you know a scrapper by the lack of his teeth.  I still have all mine.  My nose is still fairly straight.  To date I have found the balance I need to navigate this life.  

Our lives are all made up by balance.  We need air, water and food to live.  In some ways, life back here isn't all that different from life out there.  Still, the days can't pass quick enough to bring me home.  Until then, I have fifteen minutes calls and will wait in a line for my turn to call the people I love.

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Unforgiven

I've been spending a lot of time enjoying Spanish culture.  
I have noticed this is a recurring theme.  Here is my rendition of some Spanish art. 

Tattoo'd Hooligan Copyright 2013

Saturday, August 24, 2013

Prison 101

Prison rape.  One of the top fears a new prisoner has to deal with. 

People make jokes...."Don't drop the soap in the shower."  But for many it is no laughing matter.  Last week the administration showed a video on this very topic.  There is a rape hotline where inmates can report an assault.  The problem is many times if goes unnoticed. The violated is shamed and on top of that is many times threatened into not telling.

Doing time has changed over the years.  Prison at one time had weight cages where guys could pump iron.  Inmates got huge and put down on the smaller guys.  That's why there are weapons in prison.  So the small guy can go back and stab the big guy wen he falls asleep.

These muscled prisoners soon began to scare guards who tend to be over weight and out of shape.  Instead of hiring in shape male guards, it was easier to remove the weights from the prison.  On the other end of this spectrum is guys coming to prison that resemble Harry Potter.  Guys who can't defend themselves so they have to pay for protection.  This where things get complicated.  Most people have heard of a con-man.  Well, one of those cons is called a two-man con.  Meaning two cons work together to pull the job off.

One example is that someone comes and robs you of all your canteen.  Perhaps they come and take your canteen, then give you a list for another $100 that they say you owe them.  If you Harry Potter then get scared.  You wonder what to do.  You can barely sleep.

They let you ponder this.  Lose some sleep.  You begin to get ate up with fear.  Once they figure your ripe to pick, the second guy comes into your life.  He tells you he hears you were robbed.  Then you learn he's ironically from the same town your from.  All of a sudden your chatting and find you have things in common.   You think you have mad a new friend who cares for you.  He's even going to look out for you.  Nobody will rob you anymore.  You're OK now.

What you did was meet the other side of the two-man con.

Prison is complicated like this.  Before you know it your all wrapped up into someting you never saw coming.  In the old days guys just took your shit.  They robbed you and if you they wanted, raped you.

These days prison still has a few of them left, but for the most part it's full of hustlers and con-men.  Before long, Harry Potter is paying some man $50 a week for protection.  A month later he's giving him a blow job as well.

We call it extortion.  Happens in prison every day.  Before long Harry doesn't even realize he's being violated.  He just accepts this as his life.  Back here we say Harry has been "aired out".  Harry will transfer one day to a different prison.  Instead of get robbed, he just goes and immediately finds what we call a "war daddy"....a man who looks out for him in exchange for canteen and piece of ass. 

The prison rape video was educational, but I think it's time they update it.  People about to enter prison need to be educated on the con-man.  Rule number one.....

Nothing is free in prison.  What seems free, you will pay for later.  

Did you just drop your soap? 

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Evil Inside

I am surrounded by evil.  I live in a place with bad men.  I believe, to some extent, that evil lives in each of us.  It's our burden to learn how to understand and deal with it accordingly.  The picture portrays the evil that lies within one's self.  I was asked to draw this piece for someone's tattoo, and this was the outcome of many hours work.  

 

Friday, August 16, 2013

Skin Deep

Prison is a world full of pimps, gangsters, thugs and nearly any other occupation you can think of.  Somewhere behind this fence you will find it.  There are a lot of heartless bastards who show no emotion.  People who do time by harassing others.  There are some who work out every day.  There are others who live indoors and don't go outside unless they have a call-out.  There are men here who are 30 and look like they are 70.  There are 70-year old men here who are in the shape of a 20-year old.  It's all here in one big melting pot, and I know men in each categories I just mentioned.  

The other day a man asked me if I could have my people relay a message to his.  Let them know his phone was restricted and he needed some money put on the account so he could call.  So I did.  His people sent a text back to my people stating...."we will put money on the phone as soon as possible.  Right now we are in the hospital with his Uncle who is passing."

That was the message.  My lady said to me that she didn't know if I should pass the whole message.  Instead, perhaps, I should just tell the guy his people will fix the phone when they get home.  I saw it different.  This man rarely shows emotion unless it's anger.  I opt to just tell him the message.  So, I tell him...."your mom is at the hospital with your uncle who is passing.  She said she will put money on the phone once she's home."  The guy sits down and tears begin to stream down his face.  Of all the possible reaction, I did not expect this one.  Just goes to show you can not judge a books by its cover.   

I sat down and he went on to explain to me that his uncle was on life support.  The family decided to pull the plug and let him go in peace.  As tears flowed down his face, he told me the uncle was his mom's brother.  His main concern was his mother and that she could handle his passing. 

I sat there and listened.  What do you way?  Sometimes people just need to talk.  I felt good to know this man saw me as a man he could show emotion in front of.  This is prison.  You come here and become whatever you have to so you can survive.  I was reminded it's important to never judge someone by their looks.  Or even by the air you see around them.  I'm just blessed to be a man someone feels comfortable showing emotion in front of.  Reminds me of how far I have come as a person.  Makes me proud to be the man I am.

Years back when the Jailbird began, I felt compelled to bring society a real life story.  Not some reality show you view on your TV. Some days I write funny and witty.  Other days it's serious and heartfelt like this.  The blog represents my emotions.

People are quick to say once a criminal, always a criminal.  That doesn't sit well with me and I wanted to show people a changed man.  I'm not the man I was five years ago when I came here.

One man's pain taught me something about myself.  Reminded me of who I'm trying to be.  Always better.

Another man came before my time to teach the world a lesson about change, forgiveness and love.  But that's another story for another time.  What's your compassion like?  You just took time to sit here and listen to me, perhaps there's hope for us all.  I believe there is.

See you next time!

Friday, August 9, 2013

Bumper Sticker History

My girl and I recently had a discussion about the changes in society.  Long gone are the days of tossing your keys on the floorboard of your unlocked care while you run into the store for a soda.  Nobody even picks up hitchhikers anymore.  Danger lurks at every corner.  Well, this is how I see life. 

This topic is heavily debated between my lady and I since she sees the world through her bubble.  I say that with all due respect.  It's things like this that make us such an awesome couple.  She is sweet, nice and would give you the shirt off her back.  I believe the nice guy finishes last and that only the strong will survive.  If you can't hang with the big dogs, then stay on the porch.  You can't have my shirt either, go buy your own. 

Somewhere in the middle my lady and I laugh, and agree to disagree.  Then I tell her "hell no, you can't pick up that hitchhiker!!  Are you crazy?!"  You can follow the downfall and dangers in society through any history book.  Here's a new one...

Try reading bumber stickers.  Bumper stickers used to have smiley faces and say "Have A Nice Day". 



Stuff like "Save the Earth". 



There was an entire era of people claiming "dazed and confused".  Times change and it's "NO FEAR" 



 and "If you don't like my driving, call 1-800-EATSHIT".


No more Mr. Nice guy.  History plays itself out on the rear bumper of the car in front of you.  It's a fact.  Just like parents can decide not to have that talk with little Johnny about the facts of life.  Instead, Johnny's friends and the television can educate him.  That's the problem I'm addressing here.  Everybody putting responsibility off on someone else.  That's why you can't leave your keys in your car anymore.  Little Johnny will jack your ride to go....who knows what with who knows who.

And you thought he didn't have a clue.  I personally know a little dude who can use a string of four-letter-words in their correct grammar and put pirates to shame.  I also know his mother isn't teaching him those words.  He's probably friend little Johnny.   Really, he's probably just reading the stickers on the ass-end of the car in front of the school bus.

I remember being young.  The car in front of ours had a little hand that waved back and forth when they hit the bump in the road.  Now, the waving hand has been replaced with a middle finger.  Everybody runs around pissed off.

Truly, I admire the happy place my lady has painted around herself.  You had to be just a tad gullable to end up with me.....right?  I kid....

My lady still thinks there is hope for me.  She's one of the sadly mistaken women who thinks she can change her man.  And she's totally smiling as she reads this.  she knows full well she already has.  That's why I talk all my shit to you.....she tells me to shut up.

Just one last thing honey...do not pick up that hitchhiker!!   

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Feeling Excited, Encouraged & Supported!


Yesterday I had the pleasure to speak to the American Civil Liberty Union (ACLU) and the Florida Justice Institute.  It was refreshing to hear passion to fight for J.J. and all the other men and women on the inside!  Together, the organizations already a response to the Florida DOC in regards to the proposed revisions of Chapter 33 Rule #33-602.208 titled Inmate Internet Presence. 

WE CAN HELP!

The best way that we can help is to send a letter to the Florida DOC outlining your concern of how inmates and their families will be affected by the proposed revisions.  To take away a safe outlet of communication is a concern about the rehabilitation of the men and women on the other side of the fence, which affects the prevention of institutionalization. 

Below is a sample letter that you can use to send in!  If you enjoy this blog, if you care about the rehabilitation of inmates, if you care about the importance of keeping families connected, PLEASE take a minute to send a letter in.  (Letters sent asap that will reach Ms. Fleckenstein by Monday will be VERY HELPFUL to encourage that the proposed revisions be revised.  BUT, a letter sent will be helpful if she receives it after Monday too!)

THANK YOU FOR TAKING A STAND!

SAMPLE LETTER

LaDawna Fleckenstein
501 South Calhoun Street
Tallahassee, Florida 32399

August 6, 2013

Dear Ms. Fleckenstein,

This is a letter of concern regarding the proposed revisions to Chapter 33: Rule #33-602.208, titled Inmate Internet Presence.

I read a blog that tells the story of prison life through a friend's eyes. It is eye-opening to see how the men and women change over the years of their sentences. Furthermore, I have witnessed how my friend has stayed connected to the outside through his writing and art.

I firmly believe that the blog, where his stories and art are shared by the choice of a loved one, is an outlet to help keep friend connected to family and friends, and the outside world, which has played a critical role in helping him on his journey of rehabilitation while doing his sentence, and preventing institutionalization.

The proposed revisions creates a concern that the healthy, productive and rehabilitating benefits that my friend currently experiences will be greatly limited.

Again, this letter is my statement to oppose the proposed revisions to Chapter 33: Rule #33-602.208. I appreciate your time and your consideration to review these concerns!

Sunday, August 4, 2013

Inmate Internet Presence: proposed revisions that could affect this blog!

So, I have recently learned about proposed revision to Chapter 33 (the guide/rules for inmates).  There are several revisions proposed.  A few that I am concerned about.  This one, however....Rule NO. 33-602-208 very much concerns me! 

There need to be rules for security.  That is certainly understood and respected.  However, this seems to be a violation to freedom of speech (it appears per the way it is written that family and friends are not allowed to CHOOSE to write about their loved ones!).

Please take a moment to read this proposal.  If you care about inmates staying connected to their loved ones, if you care about preventing institutionalization which helps prevent recidivism (repeat offenses) PLEASE take a minute to read this and voice your concern! 


July 29, 2013

NOTICE OF RULE DEVELOPMENT
DEPARTMENT OF CORRECTIONS
RULE NO.: 33-602.208
RULE TITLE: Inmate Internet Presence

PURPOSE AND EFFECT: The purpose and effect of the proposed rule is to expressly disallow inmates from establishing or maintaining an internet presence on any wesbite.

SUBJECT AREA TO BE ADDRESSED: Inmate Internet Presence
RULEMAKING AUTHORITY: 944.09 FS
LAW IMPLEMENTED: 944.09 FS

IF REQUESTED IN WRITING AND NOT DEEMED UNNECESSARY BY THE AGENCY HEAD, A RULE DEVELOPMENT WORKSHOP WILL BE NOTICED IN THE NEXT AVAILABLE FLORIDA ADMINISTRATIVE REGISTER.  THE PERSON TO BE CONTACTED REGARDING THE PROPOSED RULE DEVELOPMENT AND A COPY OF THE PRELIMINARY DRAFT, IF AVAILABLE, IS: LaDawna Fleckenstein, 501 South Calhoun Street, Tallahassee, Florida 32399.

THE PRELIMINARY TEXT OF THE PROPOSED RULE DEVELOPMENT IS:
33-602.208 Inmate Internet Presence.

(1) Establishment of accounts or presence on internet websites by inmates.
     (a) Inmates are prohibited from establishing or maintaining an account, or any other presence, on    any internet website.
     (b) Internet website means an internet-based website that has any of the following capabilities:

1. Allows users to create web pages or profiles about themselves, including dedicated websites, blogs, or other online communities, that are available to the general public or to any other users.

2. Offers a mechanism for communication among users, including but not limited to directory, forum, chat room, electronic mail, or instant messaging.
2
(c) Account or presence means the inmate has an actual account in their name which is created and maintained either by the inmate or by a proxy whereby information is posted about the inmate.

(d) Inmates who create an internet account or have a presence created with the assistance of another person shall be subject to disciplinary action in accordance with Rules 33-601.301-.314, F.A.C. If an inmate alleges that an account or presence was created without his assistance or permission or that the account or presence was created before this restriction became effective, it is the responsibility of the inmate to request that the account or presence be removed by submitting a written request, within 10 days, to the owner, operator, or administrator of the site if it is reasonably possible for the Department to identify the physical address of such entity. No inmate shall be subject to discipline if the account or presence is not removed subsequent to submission of the written request. If it is not reasonably possible for the Department to identify the physical address of the owner, operator, or administrator of the site in which the account or presence is located, the inmate must submit Form DC6-236, Inmate Request, to the warden indicating that the account or presence was created without the inmate’s knowledge or consent or that it was placed prior to this restriction. The inmate shall be subject to disciplinary action only if it is discovered that the inmate solicited the creation of the account or presence and that it was created subsequent to this restriction. Form DC6-236,
Inmate Request, is incorporated by reference in Rule 33-103.005, F.A.C.

(e) Inmates who post information to the internet or have information posted with the assistance of another person shall be subject to disciplinary action in accordance with Rules 33-601.301-.314, F.A.C. If an inmate alleges that information was posted without his assistance or permission or that the information was posted before this restriction became effective, it is the responsibility of the inmate to request that the information be removed by submitting a written request, within 10 days, to the owner, operator, or administrator of the site in which the information is located if it is reasonably possible for the Department to identify the physical address of such entity. No inmate shall be subject to discipline if the information is not removed subsequent to submission of the written request. If it is not reasonably possible for the Department to identify the physical address of the owner, operator, or administrator of the site in which the information is located, the inmate must submit Form DC6-236, Inmate Request, to the warden indicating that the information was posted without the inmate’s knowledge or consent or that it was posted prior to this restriction. The inmate shall be subject to disciplinary action only if it is discovered that the inmate solicited the posting of the information and that it was posted subsequent to this restriction.

Rulemaking Authority 944.09 FS. Law Implemented 944.09 FS. History–New, .