Independence Day

Taking a walk back down the trail of my life.  Last year at this same time I was working in the kitchen at Wakulla Correctional Institute.

My shift started at 3 a.m.  I had been working for nearly four and a half hours behind a dishwasher in a steam-room.  I turned around to a officer who directed me to place my wrists into her cuffs.  As I did so she told me I was going to jail.  I didn't figure she had anything kinky in mind, but I'm glad she cleared that up for me.

She walked me to confinement as I squished my way along in a pair of knee-high rubber boots.  Pretty bad when even a trip to confinement looks better than your job.  I was informed along the way that it was this very blog, The Judicious Jailbird, that I was being arrested for.  In fact, I was being placed under investigation while they had a look-see over the blog and Facebook.

I still remember my thoughts as they led me away.  Only days prior a trailer had backed up to the prison and unloaded hundreds of vine-ripe watermelons.  Every day I came into work we saw those watermelons.  They were for lunch on the 4th of July.  I hijacked one of those melons with a couple of my compadres.  We cut it and ate it behind the dishwasher before any guards could become the wiser.  It was then that I tasted the melons and knew I would enjoy their ripeness on the Fourth.

Those were my thoughts as I was cuffed and led to confinement.  Not at all about how miserable confinement is......No, I was wondering if they serve watermelon in the box and thinking probably not.

Last year I missed watermelon and also barbequed chicken because I was locked up....all because of this blog.  That's the closest I ever came to hating this blog.

The investigation was completed a couple weeks later.  They let me go since there were no rules being broken.  My loved ones run Jailbird, not me.  I just go to the box and sit in solitary over the thing. 

Well, I'm free this year so perhaps I'll get to have that slice of goodness this time.  This prison already locked me up and did their investigation.  I guess I can look forward to that each time I transfer.  I don't think there's any problem with it now.  Although.....an officer did pass me the other day and called me the "dumb ass with a webpage."  This made me smile.  Clearly he has given me a nickname.  He also raised the stats on this very blog since he became a statistic as well. 

I shall stop now so I'm not locked up again and miss my watermelon.  That would be a shame.  Where are the Ghost Busters when you need them! 

Dad always said fireworks were a waste of money.  I still bought theme each year up til prison.  And I'll drive a state away to buy the good ones.  If dad only knew.  Not only did I spend hundreds on the fireworks themselves.....but I drove all the way to Georgia to buy them! 

Then an hour into lighting them off, my house is surrounded by the swat team. I have all the lights shut off and have ran inside and hid behind a couch.  You can't buy memories like these.  You can't plan them out.  They just happen.

Dad has trophy deer heads on a wall to remind him of the hunt.  I have road trips to Georgia, a trunk filled with T.N.T. and the house surrounded by Orlando S.W.A.T.  You tell me what sounds like a wild time.  Hope you had a Happy 4th of July!