35

The other week I spent a three-day weekend visiting the woman who made me. 

J.J. and his momma!

 
Thirty-five years ago this month I was born in a small farm house in southern Indiana.  During my visit with mom she told me the story of the day I was born.

I was born a natural-birth at my parents home.  To this day, my mother remembers every detail and I have her tell me my story every year.  It's a tradition for us.

A lot of water has passed under the bridge in the past 35 years.  Many times I have nearly drowned.  Yet through it all my mother has loved me unconditionally.  I have nothing but respect and love for the woman who gave me life.

We talked about everything from motorcycles and tattoos to children and growing old.  I hate that my mother has to come to this place to see me, but I needed this place to become the man I am today.  Mom know this.  She finally (at my insistence) has quit trying to take the blame for my mistakes in life.  I don't see mistakes, but rather a journey that has shaped the man I am today.  There was a time in my life when I lived to be accepted by my friends.  I did what everyone was doing.  Today, I am firmly rooted and cannot be moved.  I walk my own path and march to my own drum.  Quite often what I find is others following my lead.  This is a blessing and a curse I think.....

Flattering to see some days and yet a constant reminder to watch each step I take.  Through the blog, I have put my life and my journey through prison out there where everyone can watch.  In some way it's become my accountability and my reason to walk the line.  Something we all need at times.

Along the way I see plenty of people who could use a little of this same medicine.  Here I am the prisoner, the convicted felon.  The one everyone want to watch.  Yet when I look at some of my own people, I wish they could find the same peace I have.

I encourage you to watch me.  Especially if you don't like me.  One day I'm going to change your mind about me.  Just remember that I see you too.  Life isn't a one-way street.  I'm still a son and a dad.  On top of that I'm a big brother.  If you're my family then I'm watching you too.....if you're married to my sister, I'm watching you extra close.

I'm not the only one who's accountable here folks.  :)  You are too!

A friend of mine has a tattoo that reads:  "If I know you, I fuck with you.  If I don't know you, then fuck you."

I'm not quite as harsh as my friend is.

Mom, thank you for loving me.  Only a couple more visits and I'll be home.  :)  Four more Thanksgivings and I'll be there with everyone to celebrate.