Piranhas Make a Fierce Liking to the Pisces Sign

A Whale Of A Story

There’s a story that I have heard many time over the course of my life.  No, I’m not talking about Humpty Dumpty.  The story I refer to would be Jonah and a Whale.  Not  just any whale, but ‘the’ whale of all whales. 

The story says this dude got a message from God to go take care of some ‘holy’ business.  Jonah was to go witness in a town called Nineveh.  However, Jonah had other plans so he ducked out of town and caught a cruise ship headed the opposite direction. 

God was not pleased to look down and see Jonah on the deck of the ship, sipping a margarita.  So, God sent a whale to gather up Jonah.  The whale swallowed up Jonah and spit him up where God wanted him to be.

Someone will no doubt read this and laugh.  It’s a whale of a story indeed.  Thing is….there’s a moral to this story.  When a higher power requires your attention?  You best ‘pay’ attention.  I don’t care if you pray from a pew, pray with a cap on your head, or kneel on a towel facing east.  When your God tells you to move?  Just do it. 

There may never be a call on your life to head to Nineveh.  Instead, maybe your call is to be a cool parent to some kids...be the loudest one to cheer from the stands and make them feel extra special.  Maybe it’s a little lady you treat like a queen...never letting her lack for anything.  Or, perhaps you are that little lady….trying like hell to keep your man in line.  

The other day during my 15-minute collect phone call to my lady, she told me that she’s proud of me, which made my chest swell up and the grass look two shades greener.  I told her some days I feel like Jonah.  God’s plan for my life was to be a good man, love my family, and rock my lady’s world.  Then, I went and jumped on a cruise ship for a destination of my own.  God looked down at me and said “Hell No!”  I caught a ride in the belly a concrete whale, which is currently where I live.  I am in the belly of the whale. 

When I told my lady this, she said I should write about it.  There comes a point in a man’s life when you begin to listen to your lady.  So, here I am.  Writing about God, a whale, and a man named Jonah.  Perhaps today you find yourself in the belly of a whale.  Maybe there’s some things going on in your life that aren’t what you had planned.  Then again…you could still be on that cruise ship heading the wrong way.  There may still be time for you to change your direction. 

Some people speak in riddles.  God spoke in parables.  I’m not sure what I do.  My lady tells me I’m a bullshitter, yet she liked my Jonah story enough she asked me to tell you all.  So there you have it.  I heard a preacher once say….”You better turn, before you burn!” 

The last thing I plan to do is preach.  People fall asleep in church and try to leave before the offering plate is passed.  I used to be that guy.  Always trying to duck the collection plate and the alter call.  That was before the whale caught up to me. 

Now, this is turning into that whale of a story.  I better duck on out before the alter call comes.  You better take off before I take a collection.  See ya next time!

Tattoo'd Hooligan is Published!!!

Yes, you read that correctly!  Your Jailbird Friend, also known as the Tattoo'd Hooligan had a piece of his art published for the first time in the May 2012 issue of SSB Street Racing!

Wanna know what SSB Magazine looks like?  Here is the magazine cover.....

Wanna see the art that was published?  Here it is......
(The black and white piece published just above the "Gixxer Art Display" with the biker racing down the strip to the finish line.  Unfortunately, you cannot see the Tattoo'd Hooligan signature very well in this post.  You can, however, see it in the magazine, which should be able to be found at a magazine selection near you!)

There are several other publications with art from the Tattoo'd Hooligan, so stay tuned!  We hope to bring more bad-ass news to you soon!

Welcome Aboard!

I asked my friend Brooke to introduce herself on the blog.  She did.  I am proud to welcome her aboard..... 

For the last few months she has managed all the posts you read, and the super fabulous art you view.   She posted her introduction and mailed me a copy so I could read it.  I enjoy her outlook on life.  Brooke takes a more conservative approach on life than I do.  And....she's still on your side of the fence too.  Perhaps there's a lesson to be learned here.

While reading her introduction, I laughed when I read her comment about S'mores, canoe races and campfire songs.  For never being in prison, she has taken time to become educated about life behind bars.  Something many people never do.  Unfortunately, those are the same people who jump to comment on how "easy we have it".

The ironic part is their comments will change tomorrow when their own son/daughter, brother/sister, cousin or friend is convicted and locked away.  Trust me, Karma is a bitch and about the time we feel we have all the answers she shows us differently.  So is life.

That same sheriff that banned mail in the Muskegon jail?  He changes his tune when he has one too many drinks at the local waterhole and hits a pedestrian on his drive home.  He catches a felony-manslaughter charge and is sitting in jail himself.  About that time, he's gonna wish he could get a little more than a postcard from his loved one at mail call.  What?  You think the sheriff is above the law?  Shit happens!

Whether you believe in Karma, Buddah, or God himself....you try to play God?  Prepare to meet him.  While you sit in your lonely cell, you'll have plenty of time to chat with him.

Brooke also stated that she doesn't always agree with me.  No, she doesn't and she tells me when she doesn't. We are both 33 years old, but have lived completely different lives. While she tells me about college, Corporate America and raising kids.......I tell her about stealing cars, selling dope and toting guns.  I smile to meet the woman she became, and the friend who never points a finger in my direction.

The world needs more "Brookes".  I'm proud to have her as my partner on this blog.  I will try hard to not corrupt her in the process. :)  Really, my pieces are less offensive....I think.

Now, the people I offend mostly are in my yoga class.  Yeah.  I say "yoga" and you think I'm in a country club.  In fact, studies show that yoga, church and meditation tend to calm prisoners and cut back on aggression problems.  Yoga is anything but calming to me when I'm tied into a pretzel, then stood on my head.  My stress is relieved in the form of gas....from my ass, and the only people I'm offending are the others in my class.  They finally made me move my mat to the far back corner.  Now, I get a splendid view of a dozen men's asses as they do Sun Salutations in front of me.

Bottom line?  I'm doing something right these days.  On the street I was fired from jobs, late to work, violated my probation, fucked up a marriage and was in and out of jail.  I was far from reliable.  Today, I wake up early every day, keep my family close, draw art, write for a blog, attend classes and I haven't been in any trouble in a long time.

I keep my family close by mail.  Sherriff Postcard, you want to help your community?  Allow the men and women to communicate with friends and family from your jail.  Cut that off?  You cut off a prisoner's life line.  A life line that they need as they work to better themselves!

Allow me to personally thank each and every person who stops to read this blog.  This project is a labor of love.  It runs on donated time.  Something I have plenty of.  Brooke?  Not so much.  We do this not just for me, but to give you something to think about.  I see you.  Thank you for your time!  If you enjoy this, then please "like" us on Facebook.  Share us with a friend. Just come back...ya hear?  HA!HA!

Peace out!   

Dirty South Contest

It's time to pull out your artistic abilities and help complete this new Dirty South art!  Use crayons, colored pencils, markers, a computer.....whatever and add some color to the new art!

Here's the skinny:
1.  Print off the art here.
2.  Color it as you see fit.
3.  Like J.J.'s Facebook account at http://www.facebook.com/pages/Judicious-Jailbird/173197142759205, and upload your completed piece to the Judicious Jailbird Facebook page by
April 30, 2012. 
4.  We will select the TOP THREE pieces by May 4, 2012 (I know...time lapse, right?  But we gotta build time in for snail mail so that J.J. can be a part of selecting the top three!)
5.  The top three pieces will be posted by May 7, 2012.  They will be posted here AND at J.J.'s Facebook page.
6.  Then, YOU get to help choose the winner.  You and your friends can either leave a comment on the blog post with your favorite of the top three, or encourage people to like J.J.'s Facebook page, and "like" their favorite of the three there.  You will have one week to rally up people to help choose the winner.  The winner will be deemed on May 14, 2012.

THE WINNER RECEIVES A TATTOO DESIGN JUST FOR YOU, FROM J.J!!!!!!

OK, get ready......get set......COLOR!

A Change in Perspective

"Objects in the rear-view mirror, appear closer than they are...."

Do they?  If hindsight is 20/20 perhaps what's back there just came into focus.  Just as beauty is in the eye of the beholder, one's perspective varies from person to person. 

I lay my head on a pillow each night.  Then sleep on a thin mattress, covering a steel bunk.  I have slept on bunk 113 for nearly two years now.  However, this is not my home.  Home is where the heart is, and my heart is on the same side of the fence as you find yourself right now.

My reality checks come in all shapes and sizes.  Some days it's my mother.  Other days it's my daughter.  Many times it's my sweet woman.  The other day I was approached by an officer assigned to keep me in line.  He said that when I leave, he hopes to never see me in these parts again.  And, that's my sincere plan.

When your a child your parent tells you to not touch the stove.  Yet you still touch it once.  You get burned.  So is life.  I once saw a beautiful piece of art drawn by a fellow prisoner.  The art depicted God and the devil playing chess.  They are sitting at a table pushing their pieces.  I was touched by this piece because that is my perspective on my life.  There's the good.  The moves that make me proud.  Moves like going back and getting my G.E.D., or reaching out to someone who needs a hand.

Then there's the bad.  The times I hang my head and wish like hell I could undo what I just did.  Like my current situation.  But just like a good chess match, life is also touch and move.  Your next move can work to fix that last poor move, but you may not go back and take it back.  In other words, you may not pass jail and collect $200. OH WAIT!  I'm getting my games crossed here.

Some days we need a swift kick in the ass.  Other days we need a pat on the back.  I get regular kicks in my ass.  So when a person in authority over me stated I could do better than this life, I was touched.  That's not the regular job description of a correctional officer.  Once again, I was given  yet another reality check.  Don't judge a book by its cover.

Many prisoners view life back here as "us against them".  Those are the same people who feel at home when their head hits the pillow.  They are also the very ones who will come back to Hotel-6.  Not only was I reminded I could do more with my life, but I again saw that good people are everywhere.  Sometimes we allow ourselves to be jaded.

As long as I don't feel at home when my head hits this pillow, and as long as a good man can see some good in me?  Then I suppose I'm doing just fine.  And really...that makes me sleep easier no matter where I rest my head.

  

A New Tattoo

So, J.J. has a new client!  A Samurai mask with a skeleton face was requested.  I (Brooke) sent the following pictures to J.J.......

Here is the final piece, created by J.J....aka The Tattood Hooligan.......

Keep the Tattood Hooligan in mind for your tattoo design needs! :)

Scorpio

Stay tuned for your Zodiac sign!

Hello, My Name Is.....

Brooke. 

I work, pay bills, run errands, and....put on my pants the same you do.  There is nothing extraordinarily special about me.  I am a loyal friend, a loving sister and a mother of two beautiful children.  I am a childhood friend of J.J. and now a proud blogger.  Or....typist...that seems more appropriate being that these posts are J.J.'s thoughts.  Not mine.

Let me take you for a fast ride down memory lane.  20 years ago, I use to run through the woods with J.J. after church.  Engage in snowball fights, build forts, play tag and take dog sled rides with my friend, who now calls himself J.J.  Today, we write.

Many, many years went by since we have talked.  I heard stories about J.J.  Living a colorful life.  Living big.  Living on the edge.  But, through all the years, I have always considered him my friend.  I have always kept him in my prayers.  Then, one year ago I heard about a blog named Judicious Jailbird.

I checked it out.  Like J.J., I grew up in a conservative Christian home.  Unlike, J.J. I never dreamed of trying the things he did.  I remember thinking, "Really? You turned your closet into a grow room?"  when I read Growing Up.  I remember holding my breath when I read the series My Life.  I remember my heart sinking when I read Dark Days.

Last summer, once I caught up on my friend's life, we started to write.  We have laughed about childhood memories.  We share our ups and downs.  We travel the world together as we write about the adventures we hope to experience one day.  And, we challenge each other to new thoughts and opinions.

Last summer, I was also surprised by a news story that explained the Muskegon County Jail (in West Michigan) was changing the inmate mail policy.  The new policy outlines that inmates can no longer receive incoming letters, but are now restricted to postcards from their loved ones.  I read strings of comments in support of the new policy.  Some comparing the jail/prison system to summer camps.  I have never been to jail/prison, but I am pretty sure that they do not have canoe trips, campfires with S'mores, and sing Kumbaya.  I thought about my friend J.J.  I thought about the people he writes, and how he feels a part of their lives.  I thought about the time he spends writing posts and drawing art for this project, and how this helps him do his time in a positive and productive way.  I thought about how incredibly important these things are to J.J. as he spends his time bettering himself.  I was disappointed to read what others wrote in support of taking away inmate's mail.  I am disappointed in society's harsh judgements.  Inmates are already being punished. Who are we to continue to punish them?

Moved by my disappointment, I wrote to J.J. and told him that I would be happy to help him if I could.  Now, I am proud to be the childhood friend that shares J.J.'s stories and talents with you.

I believe that it is important for inmates to stay connected to life on the other side of the fence.  It is important for them to stay in contact with family and friends.  And, I believe that this is a positive and productive project for J.J. to have in his life.  (Right, I know.  You may read some things and think "Productive?"  But c'mon.....think about it......he is hanging on his bunk writing and drawing rather than gambling or doing drugs, among many other choices that are presented on a daily basis.) 

Prison doesn't rehabilitate inmates.  Inmates choose to rehabilitate themselves.  I believe that J.J. has chosen to better himself.  And, I know that this project plays a large role in his quest for a better life.

It is quite likely that you do not always agree with him.  That's OK.  I don't either.  I am not here because these are my opinions or thoughts.  I am here because he is my friend.