From day one of this blog project, I have covered literally dozens of topics. Love, lust, romance, hurt, pain and betrayal. There have been more posts than I can truly remember.
Not long ago I wrote about my own break down. A day I was overcome with emotion because I thought too hard about life out there. I talk about myself. But what about the people who love me? What about my brothers and sisters? What about my mother? What about my woman? My woman quietly told me today that she feels alone. Most days I have a quick response. Seems I can pull a spontaneous response out of thin air. But today? Not so much.
Many of my buddies from back here have their wives, mothers and girlfriends reading this blog. You are a quiet bunch. But today I'm thinking of you. Do you have a loved one behind bars? Do you miss them? Do you wish you could talk to someone about it, but you find people are so judgmental you find it easier to keep it to yourself?
When my lady told me she felt alone today, my heart fell. I'm doing my part...this isn't about me not loving her best. No, this is about the lack of support she receives from the people out there. And, this is what breaks my heart.
When I came to prison, the dozens of people I called 'friend' fell to one, maybe two. I had to realize they were not my true friends. It used to bother me, but now I see it differently. They were not true friends.
Here in prison we have a crew of guys called Forever Brothers. My brother Scott who went home is my forever brother. My lady asked me the other day what we are. She asked if we were a gang of some kind. This made me laugh. I'm not in a gang. So, I explained to her what we are to each other. One day I may get into a jam. A tight spot. I love my blood brothers more than anything. So if things ever were to get dirty, I would send them home. Where they are safe. And then I would call my 'forever' brothers and we would handle the shit. That's what Forever Brothers are. Rock solid friendships emerge out of this bad situation we find ourselves in.
Today, my lady, my Queen, feels alone because people can't understand why she wakes up every day and chooses a man who lives on the other side of a fence from her. I can't lie...I wonder the same some days. But that's me. I'm the guy with his hand on the glass. What's your excuse?
When you take someone as a friend, do you draw lines? Like...I'll be your friend under 'normal' circumstances....we can shop, do happy hour, and take our kids to the pool. BUT!! I don't do high stress situations...no deaths, divorces and absolutely no incarcerations. That's no friend. To you ladies who have a man behind bars, keep your chin up. If you decide to stay beside your man, God bless you. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. And if they do? Seriously weigh the value of them in your life.
A woman who stands beside her man gets my full respect. A fair-weather friend gets no respect from me. You ladies should form an alliance....Forever Sisters. There's a saying...."Blood is thicker than water." Is sure is. But, that doesn't mean shit. Blood also clots, congeals, and in time scabs up. Unlike water, which looks for the path of least resistance, and gets going. When the going gets tough, the tough get going....they don't scab up.
Brothers and sisters is not about race or religion, it's a state of mind. Where are you?
5 comments:
Profound Wisdom! Judgemental society? It is what it is! Easy? I don't think so. What doesn't kill us will make us stonger? That bond of friendship through life, blood or not is comforting. Ya rise and fall with the waters, "ridin the storm out", and "Here comes the sun", most is said in music somewhere. "keep the faith".
Da Dumb Ass
I know too the pain, heartache and the suffering that J J is feeling as I too felt it myself for 10 long years. Friends? Few and far between, they dwindled down to 1 or 2 while I was gone. Good riddens to the ones that left because they showed thier true colors. My woman also felt the ridicule and torment that came from her friends and family for sticking with me during that horrible time. We've gone past all that now and our bond together is stronger than steel! There is life after prison and while yes it is difficult at times I breathe the fresh air of freedom every day and I'm thankful for it. Prison didn't rehabilitate me I DID! I also have my forever brothers and I'm thankful for them too. I wouldn't trade 1 of them for 1000 of the jerks I used to call my friends! An old timer used to tell me almost daily " keep ypur eye on the prize" and he was absolutely right. You too can get through this and remember " keep your eye on the prize"
"gonealongtime", I am the friend that helps bring J.J.'s stories to you. I was able to talk to J.J. tonight and read your comment to him. He was touched. And said, "Thank you! Much love to you brother!"
To "Da Dumb Ass", thank you for you continued support! YES! What doesn't kill us WILL make us stronger! Indeed!!
"I don't do high stress situations...no deaths, divorces and absolutely no incarcerations." -- this made me laugh out loud.
It makes me ashamed to remember how easy it was when I first started working on J.J. with my brother that I could say to anybody, "My brother is in prison, and we are working on a blog project together." I remember realizing that it couldn't be that easy for everybody - people with careers, with families, with other things at stake. You don't have the luxury of broadcasting your love for an inmate the same way I did.
I'm ashamed that I didn't at least stick close by to make sure the family members and loved ones visiting J.J. felt like they had support. I don't know how to offer my support except to say I am thinking about you today. You might feel alone, but you're not alone!
I am dealing with this alone feeling also. Some days are fine...Some are just unbearable...A smell, a song, the air outside...everything reminds me of him. I choose to stand by my man and support him. He IS the only one I can talk to. I hope he truly knows I am his forever. Or his ride or die as I usually put it! I will ALWAYS be there when everyone else gives up. This blog gets better and better! Thanks for this post Mike.
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