Dear Mom....

God.  I thought August would never end.  Really, the month in itself passed quickly, but the heat...  The other day I broke out with a rash.  It appears to be some sort of fungus.  It's on the outside of my hip, rather than the inside where the typical summer itch would be.   The whole ordeal has left me in discomfort and quite honestly pissed.  The only comfort is to scratch it and that only awakes a fire that resembles hellfire.  On top of all this it's also taken me back to being a teenager.

During my teen years I played football for Roscommon High.  This mainly consisted of drinking large quantities of Vodka, then smoking a joint and last of all strapping on a bunch of pads and smashing into each other.  Pre-season training began in the heat of summer and under all those pads all you do is sweat.

So I'm sweating my ass off and half way through my 16th summer I develop a god awful rash.  This one was between my legs.  I scratched it and it spread and was a fire that unless you have ever experienced you have no idea.

This probably happens to every teen.  Problem was that I was also having sex that summer.  I was deathly afraid I had contracted an S.T.D. and was scared shitless.  My fear was if I went to the doctor they would tell my parents I had sex and caught some "sex disease".  Being the bright, young 16-year old jock I was, I scratched and burned myself through an entire summer.

That was a long time ago.  However, as I have dealt with this current situation, it took me back to all those years ago.  I'm sure I'm not the only poor bastard who has done the same.  Been scared to death his parents find out he's having sex, so dealt with a burning crotch.  That was a big price to pay for my pleasure.  And looking back, I don't believe it slowed me one bit.  I can only assume my mother will have a fine chuckle as she reads this.

Currently I am a 34 year old man and life isn't so awkward for me anymore.  I phoned home today and spoke to my mom. I told her about my rash.  We are both adults, ironically I am currently not having sex.  Uhh....I do believe my mother knows that. 

My mom is an incredible woman.  I am finally pleased to be at a place in my life where I know I too have become an incredible ass.  I mean incredible person.

It took a long trail of tears to get to this point.  My life has given my mother grey hair and caused her to take up smoking.  I'm pleased she hasn't developed a drinking problem as well.  I say this with the utmost love and respect for a woman who not only loves her children unconditionally, but goes to work every day trying to help other families.  My mother is a social worker and works with the department of children and families.  They commonly get a bad rap when shitty people say all they want to do is take people's children away.

My mother spends her week trying to keep families together.  I believe that is why my being in prison kills my mother so much.  While she spends her life trying to help families stay connected and together, her eldest son is states away and locked in prison.  Today, I sit here and remember being a dumb teenager.  Rebelling against every rule my parents set for me.  Yet loving them enough to not want to break their heart.  Teenagers and prisoners have a lot in common.  The mind is a constant battle ground.

I would like to make a slight modification to a well known country song:

"Momma's, pray your babies do grow up to be cowboys...."

Mom, I love you.  Thank you for the heart you gave me.  Thank you for sticking around long enough to see me use it.  ~ Your Son