“This is amazing!
My sister wrote me today. I am about to address a whole pile of stuff, so sit back, buckle up, and for the love of god, keep your hands inside at all times!
Both of the art winners should have their art. The sailboat picture just popped in my head. I went to the library (our prison library – duh!) and looked at some sailing books to get an accurate feel for the boats and nautical charts.
Next, our other request was to draw a piece for a tattoo. Not a problem. …A tattoo of a 35 mm camera. Well, this is a first. I have never drawn a camera in my life! That’s OK. I got this!
My mind was drawing a blank. This one was my big challenge. So I think about it and I begin to see some cool ideas. The idea that I had was to throw a small section of the strip-film used in old-school cameras into the art piece. So I did. Then I need some filler. How about stars?
I send this to Ester yesterday and her update comes today. Ester says, “Angie said you could use either film strips or stars as fill.” Well, little lady, today it seems you and I are on the same page! As you look at your art, know it was drawn before I got those last instructions from Ester. I hope you like it!
Something I want to point out: I plan to open my own tattoo studio when I get out. I hope to see some of you come by so I can hook you up. I did this art thing because I wanted the challenge of drawing you a custom piece that you don’t just like, but that you LOVE. Don’t get a tattoo unless you LOVE it. So, Angie, I hope I brought you a piece that you will love.
One part of Ester’s updates is ‘Search Keywords’ (terms somebody typed in to Google which resulted in them clicking on a Jailbird link).
(Here's a sample, in case you couldn't imagine it)
That should be self-explanatory. I tend to cruise over this section. Sometimes there are some funny ones, like a while back, somebody typed in “prison-sex-shower-scenes.” PERV!
HA! But the funny part is that it sent them to this site, so who is the real perv? My question was, ‘I wonder if that was a guy or girl?’
Well, this update had a few more:
1. 1. How to take sex prison photos
2. 2. I want to fuck Michigan strippers
Seems there are at least two people out there who want the low-down on prison sex and how to photograph it. You can’t have a camera in prison. My best advice to you? Go rent Butt Buddies and use your imagination.
And now to address this other ‘gent.’
…So you want to fuck Michigan strippers? My first reaction was to laugh out loud. No, really! Everyone looked over at me wanting to know what was so funny. Your secret is safe with me. What kind of douche-nozzle looks for these instructions on the internet? Tell you what, go rent Butt Buddies and you can kill two birds with one stone. Oh man, don’t tell me you typed in those other key words too! Oh, shit! Now I’m really laughing!
OK, let me be serious. You want to catch you a real, live, Michigan stripper? Go to Wal-Mart at 3 a.m. Hell, K-Mart should do just as well. For real, dude. You’ll just lose all your dollars at the strip-club anyway. Save your money and pick her up at her home away from home. Just look for the chick who is wearing sweat pants, flip-flops, and pushing a cart with two little kids in it.
(Will it look something like this?)
You can buy her and her kids Happy Meals at the McDonalds, conveniently located in the front of the store. Then pick up one of those boxes of wine and have a party!
…For the rest of you…
If this just went over your head, then don’t worry about it. However, I know for a fact that there are a few working girls on here. Right now, you’re going, “Mother fucker….”
Yeah, I just put your ass on front street! You can take this one of two ways. Actually, I can think of three ways you could take this, but right now I’m trying to help out this other guy.
I know I just offended you. Get over it! When this homely little dork sees you in Wal-Mart, do what you do! Take him for every dollar he’s worth. See, I’m actually helping you!
Dude, if you have to look for instructions, then you are out of your league. These women are lean, mean, hustling machines. Go find a nice girl, bro. Those girls learn to hustle top-notch within three weeks of stepping in the strip club.
You need to be at the local dive bar at closing time. Look for the chick that’s stumbling across the parking lot. That’s a little more your speed."
1 comment:
So, as I start reading this post I'm thinking about how I'd like to comment and tell Mike just how much I LOVE my drawing- it is PERFECT, and so much more amazing than I ever imagined receiving. My husband shows it off to our friends as much, if not more than I do. As soon as the walls in my office are painted, it will be getting framed and hung near my desk (I'll send Ester a photo once it happens). Then I read the rest of the post and was laughing so loudly at my computer that I had to make something up to explain to my daughter what was so funny. The emotions you evoke with your stories, words and thoughts are incredible- not too many blogs do that for me. Finding out that there's a new post is always a moment of excitement in my day. Thank you (BOTH) for sharing so much with all of us. If there's ever anything I can do to return the favor, please don't hesitate to ask.
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