I realize there are some things I say that might be offensive. But in the end, it’s those very things that have painted me so “real.” People I’ve never met can write to me and talk to me like they’ve known me for years. …Blows my mind.
Too many people go through life trying to paint a pretty picture of their life. Why? Because somebody said that’s what you’re supposed to do? What the hell?
We all fart, our shit stinks, we make mistakes, bad decisions, piss people off, and unless you’re a square – masturbate.
Yeah, I know that’s not politically correct to talk about, but fuck it! I just did.
I just talk about this stuff openly. Why not? I think it causes people to realize it’s OK. It’s OK to be you.
I have tried to make myself look like a really great guy (and that was back when I was a piece of shit!).
When I met people, I was young, good-looking, successful, had a house, a car, a truck, a motorcycle… Life was good, right?
No! I snorted Oxys off my dresser at 4:30 a.m. to wake up, drank G.H.B. all day, and smoked both heroin and crack. Oh, she’s your girlfriend? Leave her around me and I’m sure to fuck her. Don’t like it? Well, fuck you too!
I have spent nearly all my life as a huge piece of shit who painted whatever picture I needed to get ahead. …Whether ‘ahead’ was making money, taking advantage of you, or getting some pussy. I lied my ass off. I was a straight up con-man. Anyone who knew me called me the used-car-salesman. I was scum.
Today, I have changed all of that. Here I am, trying to help myself…yes! But not at your expense.
Biggest difference is that along with helping myself become a better man, I want to help you too. No, I’m not asking you for money – this isn’t about money. If you like my art, please feel free to buy a shirt from Miss Ester Jean. Or don’t. I don’t care. Stick around and enter a contest and maybe we’ll give you one for free!
…Cause that’s how we do it.
Matter of fact, we are now looking for a way to lower the prices on the shirts so more people can get one without digging too deep in anybody’s wallet.
Some of the art looks great on a shirt, but those Zazzle price-tags? Not so nice! I feel ya! It’s one thing to spend $15 or $20 on a shirt you’re gonna love. However, $30 is a tank of gas (note from Ester: remember he hasn’t bought gas in a long time…), dinner for two, or some hot lingerie for your lady. OK, I take that back… unless you’re shopping at Wal-Mart, $30 isn’t going to get you much….
And now I’m getting side-tracked J
Wow, I need to get laid! (Who said that?)
Ester wanted to be the all-American girl (buying American-made apparel). Well, nice guy finishes last, sissy. So we are now looking at Chinese sweat-shop shirts. Nice, huh? Your shirt will now come packaged with love by a 6-year-old. When you see “Made in China” stamped on the tag, just remember all the money you saved. That money you saved will buy you a Happy Meal from McDonald’s on your way home today.
Don’t question us!! Just support your local felon. Come on, be a Hooligan! I know, you’re pissed off. That wasn’t cool, and you don’t want a child-labor-manufactured-special-edition Hooligan shirt. God, you sound just like my sister! It’s OK. You women always win, don’t you? It’s just not fair, I say!
OK, so maybe we can accommodate you. We can have your shirt made in America by some pissed-off, underpaid, middle-aged American who hates his job and had a hang-over from drinking 6 too many Milwaukee’s Best the night before.
Jeez, why can’t I just make the shirts? Can’t I just make a cardboard-cutout stencil and spray-paint the shirts? That should bring the price down! Plus, what says “Hooligan” more than that? Some felon, spray-painting t-shirts in an alley somewhere. …Might as well do some graffiti on the nearby walls while I’m at it! Fuck yeah! Now we’re talking Hooligan language!
Now I should stop. If this is supposed to be a form of advertisement, then I just failed miserably.
Like I said, whether you buy a shirt or not, doesn’t matter. However, the prices still need to fall. Isn’t that the Wal-Mart slogan? Something about their prices are falling all the time? Then again, see what sweat-shop labor will get you? Mmm hmm….
You know, I have this blog I write for every day, but I have never seen it. I know the general lay-out, thanks to Ester’s updates and description. Ester’s last update shows we hit 15,000!! My first goal for J.J. was 500. I don’t screw around, so my goal after that was 10,000. Well, I just set my new goal. You ready? Well, are you READY? It’s you – yeah, Y-O-U who can make this a reality: 50,000.
Yeah, so call your cousin, call your friend, tell them about the jack-ass yelling shit from his prison cell.
Looks like the West Coast is beginning to pick up. Very nice! Ester sends the print-out of our map, which shows where people are signing on J I laughed when I saw a reader sign in from a no-name place in Africa. No – for real! The town was called “No Name.” I was laughing as I pictured 6 black dudes hovered around a lap-top in a grass hut…. Saying, “Look what the crazy American is up to now.”
Hey, Ester! Can we send them some Jailbird mugs?
Ohhhh yes, I can see it now. They are all standing around the lap-top with “Support Your Local Felon” coffee mugs! Beautiful!!
OK, right, time to stop the madness. I’m out – peace!!
Much love,
The Hooligan
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