From that farmhouse, we moved several hours north to a small town in Michigan. My dad bought an old school bus, packed our things, and moved us to the very place my mother still lives today. There was no house there nearly 25 years ago when we moved North. My dad built the house while we lived in that school bus. Those too, were some simple times.
During my teenage years we moved to yet another small town nearby. I went to the local high school, hunted deer, fished nearly every bit of water in that area, and in the winter raced sled dogs. ...And then life became complicated for me. You can read it. The 'My Life' series you see on Jailbird began.
I'm about to spend yet one more birthday in prison. This year I will turn 33 years old. And I am looking back. ...Catching a glimpse of a blonde hair, blue eyed little boy. A boy who was happy. Then I see that boy grew up. Turning into a chunky teenager with bad acne. Struggling to pass classes, beginning to notice girls, and being a teenager. Tough times...tough times.
If I could go back, there's a couple things I would change. Then again, those are the very scars I see, and remind me of who I am. Who knows just how many more birthdays I will spend back here. Time will tell.
As a kid you get excited about gifts you'll get. As an adult, well, you just say..."Damn! One year closer to 40!" Really, come on 40! I'll turn 40 out there. That's the best part about me reaching 40. I'll be a free man. This year I hope to give a gift back to my family. That would be me.
I wasn't born in a hospital. No, my dad delivered me in that simple little farmhouse, 33 years ago. Just me, my mom, my dad, and God. To hear my mom tell it, God was right there. And tell it mom does.
That's our yearly tradition. My mom tells me about that day. The day she had her son. I've heard this story every year. I can recite it word for word. Doesn't matter...every year I ask mom to tell me 'my' story. And she does. As if I've never heard it before. As if it's the very first time. This year I will call my momma. She'll tell me Happy Birthday. We will visit. We will chat. And mom will wait...
She will wait on me to ask..."Mom, will you tell me about the day I was born?" I will hear her smile over the phone. She will smile with pride, as if I've never made a mistake in my life. As if I'm still her little angel. She will smile. And say, "Of course, son." And she will begin...
"Well, Michael, I woke up that day and I knew...I knew this was the day you would be born."
I will be quiet and I will listen. I will try not to let mom hear the tears that slide down my cheek. But I can picture my mother. The woman who brought me into this world. Sitting on the other end of the phone line. Pride and love in her voice as she tells me once again the story of me.
It won't matter that I'm in prison. ...Broke the law all my life. Hurt people. No, my mother will smile and swear I'm still her little blonde hair, blue eyed boy. Chasing chickens in the yard. And I will be real quiet. Because for that minute in time that's exactly who I am. A little boy who needs his mom to love him. Take his side and hold him.
So mom, you know I'll be calling. 33 years have went by. Do you think I'm tired of hearing my story? Not a chance. Matter of fact, every year it becomes more important to me. So, when you hear me get real quiet, just keep on going. I'm right here. And, in some crazy way you're right here with me.
It won't be much longer mom...I'll be coming up the back trail. I still have the blonde hair and blue eyes. That little boy grew up, but the man turned out OK. Diamonds in the rough...
The 14th is on a Monday this year. I'll call you between 8 and 9 mom. We'll do that thing we do. Hey! I love you!
Aaron, Abigail, Ester, Grace and Phil...your big brother loves you. All I want this year on my birthday is for each one of you to call mom and tell her you love. Do that for me. That's all folks.
Much Love.
8 comments:
I am waiting for my phone to ring, with the tears running down my face. You will always be my little boy.
The MOM
Well "MOM," I too have tears and he's not my son, nor am I waiting on his birthday phone call. I can only imagine how this post tugged at your heartstrings.
I once heard tears referred to as, liquid love. I imagine they could also be called, liquid hurt. But damn if this post didn't let some liquid love flow on some mom's faces. -- "I will hear her smile over the phone." -- Isn't that phenomenon just the coolest thing?! I love when that happens. :)
This is beautiful, Mike. You painted an especially sweet and very touching story with your words and heartfelt sentiments. While it's true you must spend one more birthday in prison, this birthday brings you one year closer to that day you will "be coming up the back trail," and for that I am sure you and your mother are most grateful.
I will be thinking about you and your mom on Monday morning. I will be imagining just the scene that you described so beautifully. I will imagine that unbreakable bond and deep connection ... regardless of the years past, regardless of the mistakes made and regardless of the miles between ... as you hear your mother smile while she remembers the birth of her little blonde hair, blue eyed boy. Just as your mom said, Mike, you will always be her little boy. Even in the years to come when that blonde hair turns to gray and that sparkle of youth fades from those blue eyes, you will STILL be her little boy ... because that's just how moms roll ... no matter what. :)
Heres to another year of self-discovery ... another year of learning ... another year closer to the man you strive to be ... another year closer to the day you come walking up that back trail ... another year of living and loving. HAPPY BIRTHDAY and much love to my favorite tattooed hooligan.
That's the funny thing about becoming a parent .... you always love your child.
You watch them make mistakes and screw up (sometimes big!), but you never lose faith in them and certainly not the love!
Happy Birthday Michael ... celebrate the LIFE!
Michael, Happy Birthday to you! This is beautiful...so is your heart. You ARE loved! I hope that you feel surrounded by love today, this next year, and forever.
Here's to clicking the time away, and making dreams come true.
~ Forever Yours ~
Thinking of you big bro, today & every day, I love you very much.
Thinking of you big bro, today & every day, I love you very much.
that's a great picture of you with Teal. it made me smile. happy birthday (yesterday). late, as usual.
So the phone call was all we could expect and more. Amazing memories of Lawrenceport, Indiana and childhood of my oldest. Thank you to the readers of JJ who sent their words of encouragement to this mom on my son's birthday. It is amazing to think about the readers of JJ being so supportive and truely understanding the impact of all of this on our lives. It is humbling to know you care and wish to be supportive. And then there are the siblings of this Hooligan. If a mother is ever blessed it is when her children love each other. That was my deepest desire when I started having children and will be forever thankful to have seen it happen. So amidst the pain---life is good and I can smile. My sincerest thanks to each of you. And I pray I have many more birthday celebrations with my children.
The MOM
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