A Whale Of A Story

There’s a story that I have heard many time over the course of my life.  No, I’m not talking about Humpty Dumpty.  The story I refer to would be Jonah and a Whale.  Not  just any whale, but ‘the’ whale of all whales. 

The story says this dude got a message from God to go take care of some ‘holy’ business.  Jonah was to go witness in a town called Nineveh.  However, Jonah had other plans so he ducked out of town and caught a cruise ship headed the opposite direction. 

God was not pleased to look down and see Jonah on the deck of the ship, sipping a margarita.  So, God sent a whale to gather up Jonah.  The whale swallowed up Jonah and spit him up where God wanted him to be.

Someone will no doubt read this and laugh.  It’s a whale of a story indeed.  Thing is….there’s a moral to this story.  When a higher power requires your attention?  You best ‘pay’ attention.  I don’t care if you pray from a pew, pray with a cap on your head, or kneel on a towel facing east.  When your God tells you to move?  Just do it. 

There may never be a call on your life to head to Nineveh.  Instead, maybe your call is to be a cool parent to some kids...be the loudest one to cheer from the stands and make them feel extra special.  Maybe it’s a little lady you treat like a queen...never letting her lack for anything.  Or, perhaps you are that little lady….trying like hell to keep your man in line.  

The other day during my 15-minute collect phone call to my lady, she told me that she’s proud of me, which made my chest swell up and the grass look two shades greener.  I told her some days I feel like Jonah.  God’s plan for my life was to be a good man, love my family, and rock my lady’s world.  Then, I went and jumped on a cruise ship for a destination of my own.  God looked down at me and said “Hell No!”  I caught a ride in the belly a concrete whale, which is currently where I live.  I am in the belly of the whale. 

When I told my lady this, she said I should write about it.  There comes a point in a man’s life when you begin to listen to your lady.  So, here I am.  Writing about God, a whale, and a man named Jonah.  Perhaps today you find yourself in the belly of a whale.  Maybe there’s some things going on in your life that aren’t what you had planned.  Then again…you could still be on that cruise ship heading the wrong way.  There may still be time for you to change your direction. 

Some people speak in riddles.  God spoke in parables.  I’m not sure what I do.  My lady tells me I’m a bullshitter, yet she liked my Jonah story enough she asked me to tell you all.  So there you have it.  I heard a preacher once say….”You better turn, before you burn!” 

The last thing I plan to do is preach.  People fall asleep in church and try to leave before the offering plate is passed.  I used to be that guy.  Always trying to duck the collection plate and the alter call.  That was before the whale caught up to me. 

Now, this is turning into that whale of a story.  I better duck on out before the alter call comes.  You better take off before I take a collection.  See ya next time!