We put the 'ass' in class....

So, I'm trippin' out here.  It really blows my mind to hear the songs I grew up with are being introduced as classic rock.  Stone Temple Pilots?  Classic?  That makes me feel old. 

A car becomes a classic after like 20 years.  So am I a classic?  I don't want to be a classic.  Now, referring to my pecker as a classic makes me laugh.  Kind of makes me proud.  That's nearly bragging rights.  But me?  I'm not digging that too much.

Classic cars are missing parts.  They have holes in the floor boards and they leak fluids.  They are not reliable.  I don't like the sound of that.  Yet here I am listening to the classic rock station introducing Alice and Chains. 

Classic Rock!

This can't be right.  Seems I heard a saying about the older the berry the sweeter the juice.  Come to think of it...the saying goes "the blacker the berry...."  Well, just wait till they're calling Marilyn Manson 'classic rock'.  And why doesn't this apply to rap music?  Why only rock n' roll?  I have yet to hear of the 'classic' rap station.  As far as I know, they place Tupac long side with Little Wayne.  I mean....Jay Z has been around for like 30 years.  So has NAS.  The DJ isn't introducing these guys as classics.  "Here's another oldie but a goodie....a classic rap by Snoop Dog."

What about Easy-E?  Dude ran shit with N.W.A. That pimp would jump out da grave and pop-a-cap in yo ass for calling him a classic.  B.B. King may smile.  :)

'Classic' must be a 'white thing'.  White dudes restores a classic car and goes 'original'.  Mexicans restore a classic and installs hydrolics, a chain steering wheel and spokes.  A black dude jacks it up, puts it on 26's with bass in the trunk, T.V.s in the headrest and Louis Vuitton interrior. 
So, my question is.....what is a classic?

A car and a song becomes a classic at 20, but a person can't even buy a beer at 20.  Look back at the hair bands of the 80s.  I mean Poison, Motley Crue, Cinderella.....yep, all classic now.  I can see why Kiss would be considered a classic.  Just look at Gene Simmons.  All that paint did something to that face. 

What paint?

Yes.  Missing parts, bondo and leadking fluids all come to mind when I think Kiss.    

Should we address Bret Michaels?  Have you ever seen him without the bandana?  What's going on up there anyways?  My dad once had a ballcap that had a ponytail sewed onto the back of it.  When I see old Bret and his bandana collection, I can't help but wonder if the hair extensions are attached to his head, or the rag.  Whatever.  Even his lip-pucker-smile seems fake to me.

The bandana.  The lip-pucker-smile.

*GASP*  Bret with no bandana!  (I imagine J.J. will be pleased.)

For what it's worth, I hope to age peacefully.  I don't smoke, use drugs or even drink.  That should help.  And, if all else fails, I'll invest in the hat with ponytail. 

In case of a major overhaul, I would like to become a mexican lowrider.  In part to the Lowrider song from Cheech and Chong...but mainly because I love those little chain sterring wheels.



Can you see the little chain steering wheel he loves to much?

Then, if I could just get one of those little Taco Bell dogs to look out the back window.  Can everyone say, "Hot Chalupa?!" 

Ok.  I'm done here.