Hard Life. Hard Decisions.

Have you ever had a day you wish would never end?  A perfect day.  You're on the beach, sun is shining, birds are flying overhead, and you wish time could stand still....

I've been there. 

Perhaps watching your children grow up.  Wishing you could keep them at a tender age.  Before they grow into teens that want money and try to sneak out at night.  It's been a long time since I thought that way. 

Seems that most of my time is spent trying to kill time rather than freezing it.  What can I do to make a day pass quicker.  Lately I make jolly pop suckers, granola bars, work out, and draw.  Anything to keep my hand busy.  Anything to bring the next day.  I don't get excited about the holidays.  What I'm excited about is the New Year.  Welcoming the year 2013.  Another year down.

I filed papers in the courts nearly two years ago to seek some relief.  The law states they have a reasonable amount of time to respond to me.  If you place them behind this fence, then I'm sure they would figure a reasonable amount of time has passed.  I do believe we are at an unreasonable amount of time.  So I have options....

I can file more papers stating it has been long enough, which brings my next dilemma....do I want to enter a New Year being shot down and locked into this prison sentence?  Or do I continue each day with a spark of hope that I may find some relief in the courts?  Screw it...that's why I make jolly pops.  My life back here consists of landmines I dance around each day.  Not only is my own future in the balance, but anyone who loves me and wishes I could come home to them.  Do I wish to have them enter their holidays with the news I was rejected?  That I will indeed do six more years back here?  Definitely not.

So, do I file papers requesting an immediate answer and if it's bad news, then wear that myself?  Or can I just go make some suckers and hide under a rock?  Right now I'm thinking out loud.  Since I don't know what I'm going to do.  Maybe if I do nothing, it will just go away.  Probably not....

What if the judge is in Christmas cheer and says I should get second chance?  I doubt it. 

The inn was full so Mary and Joseph had Jesus in the barn.  And in the end Pilot may have washed His hands, but they still hung Him to die on a cross. Even the people we love let us down.  Sometimes the worst since we expect so much from them.  Lord knows that's how I've lived half my life. 

Let us not live in the rear view.  These days I want to shift to overdrive.  Put this bitch in passing gear and ride out.  If life's a highway and I can ride it all night long, my only question is what's the speed limit around here?