Van Holton's Pickle

(Side note from Brooke: So....J.J. called this evening and said that a conversation among canteen operators was overheard.....about a call from Van Holten's Pickle Company.  I wonder what that could be about??)

What's your claim to fame?  Not that any of us are seeking to rank among the Hollywood elite.  Rather I refer to the things that make us rank above the rest.  Like that lady who brings her famous potato salad to every church pot luck because she has refined the potato salad that most closely resembles manna straight from the heavens.  Perhaps it's the arch you have carefully put on your eyebrow.  Honed, or rather plucked to perfection after years of trial-and-error behind a mirror.  Today the bold statement in question goes to the Van Holten's Pickle Company.

The Van Holten Pickle Company claims that since 1898 they have stocked shelves with a jumbo dill pickle.  These pickles are sold through the prison's commissary.  Over the past year I have seen the quality of this jumbo pickle drop.  Most often the pickle is an ingredient of our prison goulash.  Although it is rumored, there are many uses, I am personally only familiar with it's use in goulash recipes.  However, dare I say the pickle in question would be a complete let down in any application. 

A handful of inmates, including myself, recently wrote letters to Van Holten's Pickle Company.  I had to chuckle at the thought of some PR manager having all these letters come across his/her desk, addressing the size of the pickles they are delivering to the prison system.  I will assume there is a certain level of humor to this whole grievance.  Personally, I wonder if the womens prison has attempted to do the same....

In a perfect world, we should probably never inform Aunt Edith that her broccoli casserole has over time fallen off.  Instead, out of love for the old bag, you should probably take seconds.  Even if they only make it as far as the nearest can.  However, if she shows up and puts a tip jar beside her dish, then you have decisions to make.

Well, folks, as long as Van Holten Pickles claims quality jumbo pickles, and I have to pay for them, I want a pickle that will fill me up!  We boldly proclaim we want more than bite size...we want a mouthful! 

I was honestly surprised to see the participation in this matter.  As inmates, we have a right to grieve rules and stipulations handed down on the institution level.  At times there are consequences, which tend to cause most inmates to never exercise that right.  Instead they sit back and shut up.  Since coming to prison I have been amazed by the number of guys who claim to have been pimps and gangsters on the street.  Now they're afraid to write a grievance.  Guys who will tote a gun and smack a lady, but won't push a pen.

Well....never fear!  Today we are standing up for our pickles!  Maybe tomorrow we will stand up for a full bar of soap instead of only half.  We are moving mountains ladies and gentlemen...one pickle at a time!