Reflections of a Baker

Just looking through my rear-view mirror at 2012.  Did it ever fly past.  In the four years I have been in prison, this has been the shortest year yet.  Writing for The Jailbird has helped make my sentence fly by.  All the time spent on my art projects.  The blog has helped me remain productive, though some may question how productive my rants truly are.

I'm basically half way through the sentence handed to me.  Reconnecting with my childhood friend, Brooke, has put a huge smile on my face.  Finding a mutual connection between us has given me many hopes and dreams that await my release.  Making plans for when I am free keeps me from slipping into the depths of prison life.  So I roll on.

The year 2012 has been good to me.  As I watch it come to a close, I hope that 2013 will be as rewarding.  If life is indeed what we make of it, then I have no doubt I will do fine.  A great group of people cheer me on.

I am truly blessed to have the people in my life that choose to stand tall beside me.  Only a couple months ago I was transferred from the Florida panhandle to a central Florida prison.  This prison has turned out to be a true blessing.

My bunkie's name is Rose, my spider's name is Diablo and I sleep in a two-man cell.  Once a week I have music class and get to jam on a guitar.  Even here I have surrounded myself with positive things to fill my day.   Like the candy factory, where we melt and re-shape Jolly Rancher candies into what we call jolly pops.  Since we add a sucker stick which is made from a Q-tip handle (with the fuzz removed) and inserted through the reshaped candy making a lolly pop.  Because it's made from Jolly Ranchers, they have been named "jolly pops".  Because it is something different from what is available at the chow hall and canteen, we sell a lot of them.  We have $.26 invested and sell each unit for $.60.  It's a small profit, but it is productive.  The time spent shaping these suckers is productive.  And when sold in bulk a nice profit is made. 

Our latest venture has been no-bake cookies.  If dried properly, the mix makes granola.  The ingredients are oatmeal, brown sugar, peanut butter and vanilla.  These items are then mixed in a big bag.  A new trash bag to be exact.  The ingredients are considered contraband since the prison system deems anything in an altered state to be contraband.  Once altered, the police can and many times will confiscate the said items.  I like to mix these ingredients in a large bag so that when the police come and our look out warns us of their approach, I can quickly toss this bag into a hiding spot.  Then I grab a rag and some soapy water and pretend to clean my room until the patrol unit passes.

Prison teaches you two lessons on a daily basis: patience being number one for sure.  In close second would be sneaky smart.  I know, that sounds bad.  But come one...who are we hurting making peanut butter cookies?  For real....

I haven't had my momma's cooking in over four year.  So I came up with a way to bring a small taste of home on this side of the fence.  God...it's not like I'm cooking meth.  But you always have some officer who feels differently.  He comes in and confiscates my cookies and then acts as if he busted five pounds of pure fish-scale cocaine. 

We often wonder how the big "cookie bust story" is embellished before it's told to the officer friends back home.  I doubt he's bragging that he kicked the door in on a full-scale bakery.  That he busted a roomful of prisoners making oatmeal cookies.  I'm just saying....

Police on the street take a vow to protect and to serve.  Here they proudly state "never walk alone".  They are definitely not protecting and serving anyone back here!  They're more like a pimple in the side of your butt cheek.

Anyways, it's the holiday and I won't let a little pimple on my ass get me down.  My dilemma now is how to make peanut brittle.  I think if I can place a small burning wick under a soda can I could boil down syrup.  If I add sugar to that refining process, rock candy should be the result.  Add peanuts and that is basically what peanut brittle is.  See what I'm saying?  I came to prison an addicted drug dealer.  I know...that's a mouth full.  When I leave?  I'll be a baker.

My big plan was to open a tattoo shop.  Lately, I've been thinking of a bakery instead.  Rather than sell crack rock, I'll sell rock candy.

Well, I should go.  My look-out informs me a patrol unit is approaching.  No doubt in hot pursuit of someones no-bake cookies to confinscate.  That's why they make the big bucks.  Bust a bakery and earn sergeant status.

Happy Holidays Hooligan Style!   

    

Happy Birthday Mom!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE GREATEST MOM A SON COULD ASK FOR!

I am truly blessed to call you my mom and my friend.

Thank you for your unconditional love.

I love you mom!

Your Son, Michael

Spread Your Wings and Fly

You never know how far you may go or where you may end up until you try!

Copyright Tattoo'd Hooligan 2012.

 

Convict Christmas

Many have heard of the Angel Tree Network, a project that brings gift to the children of incarcerated parents.  I feel honored to bring the voices of those very men back into the homes of their loved ones.  I hope that when you see your loved one here, you will smile.  These are men who I am blessed to have met.  They make the best of their time even in these circumstances.  These are men who love their families and can't wait to get back to the people they love.

Enjoy this and feel free to comment as the comments you leave will be sent in for your loved one to read.  And.....a Merry Christmas to you all!!


  

First and foremost I want to go beyond my family and thank any and everyone who takes the time to send a letter every so often to keep their relationships alive, who drive how ever far on any given weekend for a visit, who keeps money on the phone so their voices are not lost, who sends a little money to try to make these harder times easier....everyone who forgives us and doesn't forget us even though we are incarcerated.  I've been extremely blessed to have a strong family to support me through all of this...mom, papa, Ashley, Linda, Jenny, Keri, Breanne, Taylor, Sylvia, Brett, Randy, and my wonderful son, Hunter.  I love you and miss you all so much.  Without y'all, all of of this would mean nothing....thank you so much for everything.  So, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and let's make 2013 a whole New Year in more ways than one!

~ Scott ~

This place can be miserable at times.  Shakedowns.  What you can and can't do.  Someone telling you what you have to do all day.  Yet it still can't stop my joy.  Nothing can stop God's plan of salvation for my life!! :)  Thank you, Lord, for helping me find myself, and the way to you.  I send this message to everyone.  Trust in the Lord, Jesus Christ.  He died on that cross and what a price He paid because he loved us.  May God bless you all and Happy Holidays!

With Love ~ Juan ~

I love y'all and miss y'all unconditionally.  I hope and wish y'all a wonderful and blessed Christmas and New Year.  Make sure y'all enjoy yourselves and eat enough for myself too.  Sorry that I couldn't be one of y'alls gift under the tree this year, but don't worry.....I'll be this year of 2013.  Merry Christmas to my wifey and my beautiful kids.  Don't worry....daddy will be home soon.  XOXO.  Miss y'all greatly! :(  Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all my lovely loves, family and homies...thank y'all for y'alls loves, care, and support unconditionally.  XOXO XOXO XOXO.

Love ~ Keemone ~

To all my friends and family: Merry Christmas!  Wishing you all the best this holiday season: good food, good times, good friends and family, good presents (I let Santa know that coal wouldn't do for any of you).  Enjoy them and know that I wish I could be there with you.  With a little bit of luck, I will be next year.

I love and miss you all.  Happy New Year!
~ Chris ~

This to shall pass.  Hard times don't last forever.  I know through these years you've miss your little Howard.  Just know God has a plan for all of us and this is a stepping stone to attain greatness.  I know I can't be there physically this Christmas, but I'm there spiritually.  I pray your holidays are merry.  Thank you for loving me.  A special shout-out to my momma.  And all the others....Shea Frazier, Alonzo Mckever, Laquanna Coffie, evangelist Jonny Smith and Jeffrey Richardson.

A very Merry Christmas to you all!  ~ Howard ~

Sending my love to you this holiday season.  To my mom and dad who have been there for me every step of the way.  Where would I be without you?  I love you both!

Your SUN ~ Patrick ~

I would like to wish all of my family and friends a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.  Especially my mom and dad.  I miss you so much dad.  I know you will continue to look over me through my life.  To all my friends: I will see you all soon!  Joyce, Jennifer, Sherry and Warren, Bulch, Barbara, T-2, T-3.

Love ~ Tommy ~

Lynn & Larry:
....for two of the most wonderful parents in the world.  Who this Christmas I can't be there to hold.  I send my best wishes and my love, full of Christmas cheer.  When you see Santa and his deer, tell them you have my love and best holiday wishes this year!  I love and miss you both so very much.  Happy Holidays Mom & Dad.

With eternal love, your son ~ Ran ~

It's Christmas time!!  Merry Christmas mom and dad!  Merry Christmas bro!  Merry Christmas Fuller Family!  Also to my aunts and uncles, cousins, their families and to my grandparents, Merry Christmas!  I would like to tell you all how much I think of you on a daily basis.  I have a lot of regret about all the times I skipped out on family get-togethers, but at no time moreso than during this time of year.  Just as I am missing from there, there is a hole missing for each of you in me.  This is the time where giving to our loved ones and friends swells our hearts.  Being here, I can do very little giving.  My only presents are words and paper....err, computer text in this case.  So, I can only do my best to fill these words with as much love and feeling and sincerity as possible.  The best gift I think I can give you all is to tell you that I feel truly blessed that you are my family and to assure you that I am having a Merry Christmas too.  I love you all very much.  To Cody: I hope someday you will read all I have written to you and know how much I love you. Merry Christmas, son!

~ G ~

Hey baby!  Just giving you and the boys a shout-out.  I wish you guys the best this holiday and a Happy New Year!

Love Your Husband ~ Bae ~

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!  I miss you all and love you tons.  I pray for you daily.  Much love to all the little ones.  I appreciate all you do for me.  Which reminds me....can you shoot me some more pictures and a little more money?  Smile!!  Your boy will be home soon.

XOXO, the "lil Saint".  ~ Anthony ~

I want to thank all the people that's been by my side during my incarceration.  Thank you Barbara, Shoquelle, Angela, Bobby, Kricket and Ashley for everything and not giving up on me.  I know it sucks that I can't be there with you guys/gals in flesh, but I'll be there in spirit.  It won't be long before I'm back home so you all can knock the dust off my chair around the dinner table.  But, I wish you guys/gals a happy holiday and a Happy New Year.  I love you guys.

Sincerely ~ Mel ~ 

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to the people who show me love.  Mom, Uncle Rich, U.T., A.K., Dobbs, and all my cousins.  Betty Boop, Michael, Nakir, and to my beautiful baby girl....Jamie.  Daddy loves and misses you!!

~ James ~

It's been said that grandma got run over by a reindeer, but where I come from it's cornbread and chicken and grandma really got run over by an airboat.  Where I am now, my Christmas tree is made out of cardboard and is 10 inches tall with glitter for the lights and paper boxes as me and my bunkies present.  We try to make it like home, but nothing could really compare: home is where our families and friends are.  Even though I'm not home, all of you are still in my heart.  I'm blessed to have y'all in my life.  This is the second Christmas I've missed, and hopefully the last, but I've learned that it's not about the presents and parties.  It's really about the people who you cherish.  Even though I'm so far away, I'm still having a Merry Christmas knowing that I have great people by my side.  I hope y'all have a Merry Christmas as well.

Love,
~ Forrest Robert ~

To my close family: Hey guys what's up?  Hope that your holidays are going good and all is well.  I just wanna say that I'm glad to have a family like you guys to help me through the good and the bad times.  But this time won't last forvever.  I'll be home next year.  Always know that I love you and miss you like crazy.  This is to you, Charlie, Melissa, Kim, Aunt Judy, Grandma and Aunt Ethel.  Lots and lots of love.

Your hard headed loved one,
~ Blake ~

On this day, I just want all of you to know that at the end of the night, no matter what the storm brought in, we survived.  Things may not be how we want them to be, but we can all look around and be thankful that we can share it all with people that we call family.  I had a rough year and might have many more to go, but even when I can't be there with all of you, I still have my family in blue to share J.T. with.  Lil J.T., Isaiah, Emma, Miss B.B., mother-on-law Barbara, mother-in-law Robyn, mother-in-law Vicki, Trick, E, Buddah, Machine, House, Buck, Shae, Ty, and nephew: I love y'all.  Baby Mommaz, I just wanna take tha tyme to just say thank you for takin care of my kids over the years while I was running the streets and didn't know how to change.  Today is the day that I share forgiveness because I was bitter in my heart cuz y'all left me for dead.  I feel like it's best for things to be as they are and I just want y'all to give your all to the family that surrounds you right now.  You'll never know what it's like to not be there no matter how hard things get because bottom line is you have another day to weather the storm or make things better.

If I had one wish....
~ Steven ~

I'm sending a very Merry Christmas wish to both my mom and dad: love you both!  A special shout-out to my lady Samantha: love you angel!  To all my friends and family: have a great Christmas and a Happy New Year!

~ Shaggy ~

To my loving family this holiday season.  I started this trip 10 years ago and when I was locked up, I found out who really cared about me.  It wasn't my so called friend, it was my family and one family of friends....the Thomas family.  So this year, my final Christmas away from home, I want to send to all of you my love and respect.  Also, my great thanks for all that y'all have done and for the love and support you all showed me.  This has been a real eye opener for me.  It has shown my what's important in my life.  I now want to be a good father to my son, a son to my mom and dad, a brother to my sister and brother, an uncle to my favorite niece and a loyal friend to my true friends. I love you all.  Last, but certainly not least, I want to thank my girl for taking a chance on me when I was at my worst.  You've showed me love and stood strong by me, allowed me into your family and I love you for that.  Thanks for believing in me when most would not.  Also, to Brit, Randy and my little buddy Grayson.  Thanks for allowing me into your lives.  You all have my love, loyalty and respect.  If you ever need me, I'll be there.  Happy Holidays and see y'all February 24th, 2013.

Love,
~ Gator ~   

To Mom, Sonny, Shanda, Sis, and Boy's:
To my loving, wonderful family on this Christmas day.  Here's something from me worth more than money and a present could ever be.  I'm sending you this to show you how much you all mean to me.  To show you how much I appreciate all of you for sticking by me through thick and thin no matter the outcome.  I love you all more than anything in the world and I miss you so deeply.  Have a wonderful Christmas and an even better New Year.  Merry Christmas, your son/brother/uncle.

Love ~ Lawrence ~

Cheers to one less Christmas that I will spend away from my family.  I am learning to see how full the glass is, rather than how empty.  This time of year I like to look back and see how far I have come rather than what is left to go.  Sobriety, mixed with God in my life and the people that love me, gives me a positive outlook.  An old Christmas carol states "peace on Earth"...that's what I wish for, along with knowledge, wisdom and more forgiveness.  A special shout-out to my brothers and sisters.  Along with our parents, the two people that made me possible.  I love you mom!  And to my best friend, Brooke, the lady who makes all this possible.  Thank you for inviting me to be a part of your life.  Your love, friendship, and forgiveness challenge me daily to be all that I can be.

~ Michael ~ 

A Merry Christmas for J.J. : Thank you Lowrider Magazine

That's right!  Lowrider Magazine helped make this a very special holiday season for J.J.  Why?  Because today I received this letter........

Yep, you read that right.  J.J. has another piece of art being published.  This time in Lowrider Magazine!  SA-WEET!  Be sure to pick up the February/March 2013 issue so you can see your jailbird friend's art in this bad-ass publication!

Here is the art that will be published......

 

Judgement Day Street Racing

Enjoy the stunts!!

Merry Go 'Round

Does your life sometimes feel like a merry-go-round?

I heard this song the other day...

"Brothers hooked on Mary Jane, Momma's hooked on Mary Kay and daddy's hooked on Mary two doors down."  (Kasey Musgraves "Merry Go 'Round") 

Sometimes when the radio plays it just fills that void of otherwise empty space in the real estate of my brain.  Once in awhile through something comes through my ear piece that causes me to stop and say, "hmmmm."

When I heard these lyrics come across the tuner, I stopped to pay closer attention.  You live in a house with three people, who sleep in three different rooms, and head three separate ways in three cars after each on eats a different breakfast.  Rushing off to a job you don't like to pay bills at a home that's too small.  You fell into a rut that you motor through on auto pilot day in and day out.  And they say it's the "American Dream".  

You have a house you live in and don't own.  Drive a care that's montly payment covers the interest only.  Fish in a boat you still owe on and this is the big dream?  Some dream.

I live in prison with a large number of men who truly love it here.  They have three meals a day, a bed, and a babysitter to plan their day out for them.  Wait, did I say men?  No, these are not men.  They are juvenile delinquents.  Still, they make part of that merry-go-round sung about in this country song I have been inspired to write about.

Not many families sit down together at the end of the day to enjoy a home cooked meal.  Moms off at work all day herself.  Probably making more than the man does.  On the way home she picks up the kids from aftercare since they spent an hour of their day hanging there after school dismissed them.  Mom feeds them some spaghetti-o's or some other microwavable gourmet dinner from a can.  Then mom feeds herself a tall glass of wine.  Dad's already had one or two in the truck on the way home...

And somebody had the ball to call this the "American Dream".

These days I dream of freedom.  I expect that's also the dream of American.  Sometimes Life puts a stranglehold on you so tight you lose sight of the mission.  This merry-go-round we call life will leave you dizzy and disorientated.  Parents often times think they will make up for the lost time once the kids grow up.  Maybe it's just me, but why don't you try sitting everyone down for dinner one night.  Ask your 5 year old kid to tell you about their day.  See if that isn't some funny shit.

We've all called into work once or twice recovering from a weekend of getting our drink on.  You probably never called in and took your kid fishing instead.  Or how about the person your married to.  Every just clear you schedule to go eat ice cream at the zoo?  Remember we all have a dream.  That little kid that looks up to you has a dream.

Maybe instead of chasing a dream, we could just embrace the life we have.

Like any good country song, play it backwards....

Dad quits visiting Mary two streets down, brother gives up Mary Jane and momma lays off the Mary Kay. 

Live today since it's all you have.  There is no promise for tomorrow.  Something to think about during these hectic holidays.  I'm just keeping it real.

Vultures

Waiting to the catch the bus to the road kill cafe. 

Copyright 2012 by Tattoo'd Hooligan.

Make A Difference In Somebody's Life

Today, J.J. reflected back to this time of year when he was a free man.  A free man on his Harley, loaded with toys for Toys For Tots, taking off for a Toy Run with thousands of other bikers.  He remembered the joy he felt when delivering toys to children that may not have a Christmas.

In the words of J.J. "It was so cool to watch all these bad-ass bikers load up their bikes with huge stuffed animals and other toys.  Then watch their faces glow as they make a difference in children's lives.  God, I can't wait to do that again!"

Don't judge a book by it's cover.  A bad-ass can have a soft heart.

These toys travel from the bike to a child's arm...giving them a very Merry Christmas!  Be sure that you stop and smile.  See the people around you.  Make a difference in somebody's life.  And please, say a prayer for the millions of families that are missing their father/mother, husband/wife, son/daughter, brother/sister, or friend as they are on the other side of the fence.    

 

A Regular Joe

I walked down my hallway to talk on the phone.  While passing the bathroom I caught movement in my peripheral that caused me to quickly glance and catch some dude leaned against the wall jacking off.  After I passed the shooting range I made that phone call.

The call was placed to Brooke where she told me her dog was in the backyard eating another dog's poop.  Sometimes I wonder if my life is super crazy or does everyone have days where it seems your living in a movie?  I'm a regular dude.  I wake up in the morning and tie my shoes just like the next guy.  I then head off to the reck yard where I work out for about one hour.  I then grab an empty vitamin bottle with holes punched into the sides and catch grasshoppers.  They're called "hoppers" because they tend to do just that....hop away from you.

It's quite comical to watch a dude corral grasshoppers I'm sure.  And if you wondering why I do this....I do this for my Diablo, my spider.  He is a Florida Regal.  Most commonly referred to as  the jumping spider.  He eats a grasshopper every other day.  It's my responsibility to capture the food for him.  Then I pull off it's big jumper legs, stick it on the wall and let it walk to its death.  Diablo comes out of his web and handles the rest.

All this seems normal to me.  Then again, if my life was normal, I don't suppose this blog would still be growing every day.

I'm 34 years old.  I hang out on the playground with my friends and catch grasshoppers.  I still think farts are funny, have burping contests, and say "balls on your forehead!"

Most of my life lessons have come through trial and error.  Usually by the error means.  Then again, that's where lasting lessons come from.  I live my life like chicken pox.  Do it once, and it should never happen again....right?

Although there have been cases where the pox hits twice.  Ironically it's usually where the first case was mild and not very extreme.  I was removed from school and placed in a bathtub full of oatmeal for three days unable to swallow.  What's oatmeal have to do with chicken pox anyways?  Was that just my parents genius at work?  "He he....let's put him in here then we'll know where he's at." 

One time I complained of being tired and my mother told me I probably had mono.....the kissing disease.  Her next question was who had I been kissing on.  Moms are super nosy.

I'll never forget the time I came home and she just looked at me, then began to cry.  She then says, "My son...you just gave away the gift you can only give to one woman."  Yes, you may have guessed.  I gave her a special ride on my bicycle.  And how the hell did my mom know?  That was my question.  She'll swear to this day a mother just knows these things.  And I'm screaming...."BULLSHIT!"

If you had any idea how many times I gave that "special gift" away you would have died from a heart attack!!  I'm gonna just guess you couldn't help but catch the glow radiating from me.  The dazed and confused look a man gets just before he passes out to take an after-sex nap.  I know....all you ladies want to do is cuddle.  That's cool....you cuddle while we sleep.