A Favor from J.J.

OK, slackers.

This is your courtesy announcement.  Don't forget your lady on Valentine's Day.  You know, that special day in one week.  Tighten up!!

Notice I addressed the guys.  What woman forgets Valentine's Day?  And it doesn't matter if they do.  If a woman forgets Valentine's Day.....then you have a cool-ass chick.  If you're a man, upset your chick forgot Valentines Day....then you are a bitch.

Hello Walgreen's!!!  You can grab a card, a box of chocolates, some flowers, and a six-pack.  The six-pack is to congratulate yourself for taking such good care of your girl.  Then again, if you have the chick that forgets Valentine's Day, you really ought to grab her a six-pack too.

Valentine's Day sucked when I was a kid.  Girls gave you these little cards.  Then these little candies shaped like hearts that say stuff like..."Won't you be mine?"  These kids are like 5.  What do they know about "Won't you be mine?!"

Won't you be mine turns into a headache.  5 turns into 15.  Then it's sneaking around, missed periods, and a baby on the way.  So...maybe that's exaggerated some.  As long as you never forget Valentine's Day, then you will be just fine.

For the record, you should do more for your girl than some Walgreen's chocolates.  If you have a Publix or a Meijer (or any other large chain supermarket) you can usually find a nice variety of flowers.  Hell, they may even have those 'fancy' balloons.

OK, smart ass.  You want to know what I'm going to do for my chick?  Well, I am an artist....so I could make a card.  Then again, probably not.  That's just how it goes.  Growing up my dad was a carpenter and a cabinet builder, yet my mom had plywood shelves with no doors on the front.  Ever meet the painter who has no paint on his own house?  Why is it like this?

I'm far from lazy....I just draw so much shit I figure my girl might like something store bought.  I'm like an overgrown kid.  Every parent with children has a refrigerator full of pictures, paintings, report cards, and so on.  And I'm a 33-year old dude doing the same damn thing.  I send home art, pictures, awards, certificates and progress reports.  Both my momma and my woman's fridge would be loaded with my shit if they hung it up.

Uhhhh....you ladies don't do that do you?

HA!  In all honesty the blog has become that very refrigerator full of my shit.  Besides, it sucks to open the fridge and have a picture fall down.  You have a nice buzz, and as you reach to put it back up five more pieces fall off.  Like it's a contest...

Let's see how much shit we can hang with one magnet.  Finally you say fuck it and give up.  You leave the picture on the counter.  Besides...it's just a bunch of scribbles anyways....right?  NO.  That's a freakin' masterpiece and it's the first thing your kid will notice is missing the next day.  The only thing worse is when you don't see that it fell.  By the next morning when you see it, there are 12 size-11 boot prints on it....one from each trip you made to retrieve a beer.  Yeah.  Try explaining that to Timmy the next day.

So, I will try a store bought card.  Right.  There is no store here.  Instead I will go the hustle-man.  The main man.  The dude who can get you whatever you want.  I will tell him I need a masterpiece.  A card that will tell my special lady exactly what she means to me.  That she melts my heart.  Every day I try to be just a little better for her.  Every day I whittle away just a little bit more of the rough edges.

The hustle-man will bring me a get-well car for an elderly person.  I will tell him that's not what I had in mine, but it is cheap.  He will tell me two Ramen Noodle Soups.  I will counter with one and remind him he doesn't even have the envelope...only the card.  Can we say, bargain shopping?!?!  Too bad they don't have a Walgreen's.  I could get that six-pack and celebrate my fabulous purchase.

Happy Valentine's Day Hooligans!!!

Baby?  Are you there?  I only wrote this for a laugh.  No!  I'm not really gonna buy your card from the hustle-man.  This is your Valentine's greeting.  ENJOY HONEY!  I love you.