Please Be Sweet & Lift The Seat!

Oh, my......your Judicious Jailbird is baaaaack!  With his very J.J. way of sharing a recent experience.....

Ever heard the saying "Men are pigs?"  Sure you have!

I gave this some thought and came to the same conclusion.  Of course, I did my thinking while on the toilet.  Yes.  The throne of higher thinking.  As I sat, taking care of my daily duty, I watched another man sit on the toilet next to me.  He had a newspaper in one hand, and a mug of coffee in the other.  I said to myself, "Well, there is is!" 

He's going to drink coffee while he smells his own shit.  Very nice.  The same guy is probably opposed to the courtesy flush.  Something we do here in prison so the man next to you doesn't have to smell you.  There is always that guy who just sits on that turd while he drinks that coffee and reads that newspaper. He may even look down at it from time to time to see how big it is.  Then, look at the toilet paper after he wipes. 

And....he is also probably the same dude that doesn't understand why a woman says he's a pig.

I'm a man.  There have been a couple times someone's called me a pig.  Usually it's while looking at some fine ass heading the other way on the beach.  Never because of my bathroom habits.  I'm a fan of the courtesy flush, and I don't find 'poop' amusing.  Now pee?  Well, pee is another topic altogether.

I told my lady that since we will have boys in the house, I want to install a urinal.  Boys like to try and pee in the hole, but hit the seat instead.  That's because they try to spell their name.  Men do the same.  When I was a boy my name was written all over the yard in snow banks.  Of course, I lift the lid on the toilet, but then I draw circles and do the alphabet as well.  I don't feel that I'm a pig, but I never fully grew up either.

Boys think new stuff and different stuff is cool.  So, I want a urinal.  The boys will love it.  As long as they don't try to poop in it.  That could cause a problem.

There are full grown men here in prison who pee all over the seat.  And that's when six urinals are only two feet from the toilets.  This is avoidable if you can present a man with a cool place to piss.

I'm a biker.  I attend biker events nearly once a month while on the street.  Biker bars create a long tub for bikers to pee in.  Like a beer tub.  Except they fill it with ice as well.  This serves two purposes: 1) keeps the smell and splash down and 2) as you pee, you melt the ice.  This is fun.  This makes a man want to drink more beer, so you can once again go melt some ice.  At least someone is capitalizing on the whole "men are pigs" thing.

For what it is worth, I'm trying to change the world's view of at least myself.  I can't really change the way other men are looked at.  When you truly begin to care, you realize change comes from within.  We could all use a little change.  You could start by putting the seat up before you piss.  Yeah, I kind of singled the guys out here.

But....if you're a woman and your man puts up the seat and you seldom catch him checking out that other ass?.....perhaps you could cut back the bitching.  Yeah....we have sayings for you all too.  It's a two-way street ladies. 

You all slow down out there.  Wear your seat belts and process with caution.

Yours Truly.