The Wimpy Kid

Well, I had some new art added to my resume the other day.  Here I was thinking it was quite gangster.  Then my lady informed me that it is in fact "adorable".  A word that I asked her to please not use when referencing me.  She laughed and said I was cute.  Bleh!

In fact what has happened to me is that I now live in the Diary of A Wimpy Kid.  For real.  I have a white Steve Urkel for my bunkie now.

All summer long the kid wore a sweatshirt and was cold.  Now he's sick.  Coughing and sneezing and wants the window closed all day.  Instead of go outside and get fresh air, he piles up under his covers with a glass of warm tea and reads romance novels.  Yeah.  With titles like "A Long Summer Night" and "Tender Devil".

My grandmother used to read these books.  They are soft porn for Christ's sake!  So yeah....

Someone had to be gangster around here.





An officer came and tossed our room the other day.  My bunkie was gone at school and that left me in the room.  The officer turns to me holding a copy of "Tender Devil" and asks if it's mine.  There's a damsel in distress, with her dress falling off with some Fabio want-to-be leaning her back ready to rock her world in a bed of roses on the cover.

Tender Devil....fuckin' A.  And now this officer stands here asking me if it's mine.  Can't he tell it's not?  Can't he see how gangster I am?  Whatever.

I'm sure I offended some of my people.  My dad's reply was that I turned my whole body into a canvas.  Well, shit...that beats being called "adorable".  When it comes to regrets, my tattoos are nowhere on that list.  My ink has meaning.  Each piece reminds me of some place in my life.  Still, I get some people won't agree.  

So, here I am living with Diary of a Wimpy Kid while he lives in the Diary of a Mad Man.  Really, I'm not mad. I'm just sitting here with a smirk on my face.  Thinking about what a bad-ass grandpa I'm going to be one day.

Isn't life amazing?  I mean, someone out there wants to bitch about what I do, yet there's others who can tell me that I'm adorable.  Then again....I guess if you took the time to get to know me you would see I'm a pretty cool dude.  I walked down some roads most people couldn't survive.  The shit that didn't break me, made me.

So here I am.  Being harassed for romance novels and making sure nobody steals Urkels lunch.  No wonder my lady says I'm "adorable".  If all my haters could see me now.....

My gangster life has turned into some sort of a joke.  And....the joke may be on me.  My bunkie just walked into the room.  He's wearing long john tops and bottoms, with a pair of gym shorts pulled up over the bottoms.  I have changed my mind.....Steve Urkel don't have shit on this dude.