So today I was on the phone. Mom and I still have coffee. Detroit Tigers have done well this year. They made it to the play offs (congrats!). My mom was excited to tell me that she had been to a game. I took advantage of her good mood and let her know I am about to blast her on the blog. Mom laughs....then says, "Oh, you are so sweet Michael."
Thank you mother. Only a mother's love could see me as sweet. My grandfather used to tell me I was full of piss and vinegar. That I can believe. My mother telling me I am sweet...well, that's just nonsense.
Next month I will turn 33. I am a Scorpio. Very passionate about love, life and being an ass in nearly every way possible. As a kid, I had to fool my mom. We've all done it. You go do all your dirt away from your house in hopes your parents won't find out. Now I'm an adult. Well, that goes to be seen as well. However, today I don't hide shit. I write for a blog. And if I love you, changes are I'll write about you. So, mom....just remember I love you!
No, I wouldn't say I'm sweet. However, both my mother and my woman feel I am. Well....perhaps I am getting old. No, I'm not gonna claim that. Cheers to never growing old!
My next call is to summon the wind in my sails. Speak to the person who rocks my boat. Reach my place of zen. The apple of my eye. And I was shut down. They said J.Lo doesn't accept calls from prisoners. You mean to tell me Jennifer Lopez is too busy for me!? And, the 'ass' in me is shining bright. My J.Lo answers the phone any time I call. And...like my mother, she thinks I am 'sweet'.
What the fuck! I'm suppose to be the Tattood Hooligan. The jailbird. The convict. The law breaker. Societies reject. But, then these women. These women that love me and tell me I'm 'cute' and 'sweet'. Kind of puts a damper on my bad boy image. There must be some of that image left. My woman says that's why she loves me. Go figure. And mom...well, I'm locked up, I'm off drugs, and the strippers are gone. Instead of avoiding mom, I love to talk to her. She's my friend.
So, I think what mom means to say is not that I'm sweet, but that it's sweet I'm at a place in my life where I have time for her. That's OK mom. I get this.
Enjoy this time mom. Because I still need you to bring my woman with you when you pick me up. And, don't be surprised when I hug and kiss you, then haul ass with my woman for a couple of weeks. I guess you can figure that one out. I'm using you now for 'moral' support. My woman is my 'physical' support.
Oh, yeah! Hey mom....could you put a few bucks on my canteen? I'm broke. Oh, is this a bad time to ask for money? I'm your kid. That's our job right? To ask our parents for their money?
Last week I called home and caught my little brother. I think he was excited to talk to me. Right up until I had to put down on him. It went something like this...
"I love you man...but for the love of God quit breaking the law! Every time mom has to bail you out, your fucking up my canteen money! I'm on limited funds and you keep docking my pay. Tighten up and obey the law!"
I know this confused him. First, I'm the one breaking the laws. Well, the bigger ones anyway. I mean, if you're gonna get wet, just dive in already. Fuck pussy-footing around. The next part he probably can't process is the fact that he's the 18 year old kid. I'm the 33 year old kid. So, I'm guessing he's more entitled to mom's money than me.
Still, if I enter the scene waving my arms all around, shouting at the top of my lungs, and throwing my weight around...I must be right...right? Here, in prison, we call this 'booing' someone up. I'm dead wrong, but I'll play it off as if I'm 100% right.
Well...this is nice. I've put my mother, my woman, and my little brother on blast. Just remember it's because I love you all. No, for real...I do! Just keep telling yourself I'm 'cute' and I'm 'sweet'.
Oh, Lord help us all!
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6 comments:
Cute and sweet huh??? I dont know about that, but I did meet your little brother and I think he is the cute and sweet one!! LOL HA!! And he wasn't breaking any laws. Yea yur cute and sweet I guess, but you aint got nothin on Lil Bro!!
Love You!! Cari
You sound like a real winner!
Cari, I agree with you! Spud is the cutest and the sweetest :) I was jealous to see you guys in pics together! XOXO
Wow ... where do I begin.
You've always had a certain smart-ass style to your writing, which I've always found to be comical and enjoyable, as you've never really sounded like a smart-ass ... until now. More specifically, a self-absorbed, egotistical and entitled smart-ass.
Mike, your words hold power. The hurt and/or harm done by these words is not simply undone merely because you remind the receiver of your love.
Your brother has not broken the law for well over a year and it is irresponsible and unkind of you to lead anyone to believe otherwise. Especially to do so in the context of your whining about your lack of canteen money.
And honestly, where do you get off talking to your mother as you did in this post? --- "I'm at a place in my life where I have time for her ... Enjoy this time mom. Because I still need you to bring my woman with you when you pick me up." --- Such statements make it sound as if you merely have time for your mother because you are on the other side of that fence. This may not have been your intent, however, it is certainly how it came across ... in my opinion.
Truth is, Mike, your mother is THE one person that has loved you and stood by you and supported you through your entire life, including your time behind that fence. And truth is, your mother is THE only person you can damn well guarantee will be waiting for you, with open arms, when those gates of freedom open ... the only one, beyond a shadow of a doubt. I should think you would speak of her, and to her, with the kind of respect and adoration and appreciation she deserves.
Mike, you can come in "waving my arms all around, shouting at the top of my lungs, and throwing my weight around," all you want, It does not, however, make you right. It merely makes you look like a crazy, loud and overbearing jackass.
I look forward to some future posts with your signature smart-ass style writing, just minus the smart-ass Mike.
And please be assured Mike, I bring this all to your attention because I love you ... no, for real, I do. xoxo
He is feeling his oats a little too much today!! He needs the smack down. But I did chuckle. Cause I know the brat and know how much he loves me. However, he didn't shine to well in this one did he?
The MOM
I concur, the little Smith is quite sweet and cute.
I had to think about this post and if I wanted to reply, or not. This is not my favorite post, and I understand how it could be read to leave some of the comments that have been left. (Not to mention sweetmelin, I do believe that you are bringing your thoughts with love and I know that you are incredibly supportive of the jailbird himself.)
However, I believe that an important comment was overlooked, a comment that provides a different perspective.......
"I'm locked up, I'm off drugs, and the strippers are gone. Instead of avoiding mom, I love to talk to her. She's my friend."
Although, the "Enjoy this time mom. Because I still need you to bring my woman with you when you pick me up." provides the opportunity to paint a negative perspective I think it is important to note that "the brat" is more than likely talking about a different "place". He is clean. He is taking control back of his life. And I am pretty sure that he is trying to suggest that he is at a different "place" in his life both mentally and spiritually. And he sees how he is not avoiding his sweet mother now that he is in a better "place".
"...it's sweet I'm at a place in my life where I have time for her." Again, although I understand your comment, I do not believe that the "place" is about his physical location, but rather where he is both mentally and spiritually.
(He should not have written "enjoy this time mom..." That castes a shadow on the important message.)
Like you, I bring this with love.
'The Wind'
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