You see that statement everywhere. Someone is always ready to take your money. Shop until you drop. Stores push sales. They want your money. Ever notice there are six checkout lanes and only one return lane? A whole store full of employees to assist you with your purchase. Then one retard in customer service who only knows one sentence..."Do you have a receipt?"
Wouldn't you just love to haul their ass over that counter? Could we just stuff them in the underside of a shopping cart...that space reserved for a hundred-pound bag of dog food. Should you get the urge to buy Fido's dinner a year at a time.
I'll bet that smug little prick in customer service would fit down there. Just wedge him so his head is in front. Then you can race down the aisles and narrowly miss each rack as you speed past. What a rush! Yeah. As you can see, I've made a few returns in my time. I'm left standing there thinking what happened to 'the customer is always right?'
Well, that's just like most warranties. Good until you walk out that front door. Truth is, no I don't have a receipt. Good ole' Aunt Edith purchased this knit sweater over six months ago. She's just as handicapped as this schmuck working customer service. And if I dare ask her for a receipt she will want to know why I'm trying to return such a fabulous golf sweater. As much as I hate my own transactions at customer service, there is always something that blows my mind. Like the granny holding up a watch in a box. She has a question...."Could you tell me if this watch is really sterling silver?" First, the box clearly states that in fact the watch is sterling silver. Second, why didn't you stay in the jewelry department to ask your question? Clearly this genius is only trained to ask if you have a receipt. Not assist you in your jewelry purchase. Now he's on a phone paging someone.
Next in line is a young mother. She has shoes and items that need to be exchanged for a different size. Mom comes prepared and has her receipt. Looks like this one may move along smoothly. OH! Wait! Sorry...the store has discontinued one item and the other is sold out. People don't think about these purchases for little kids. Kids grow like weeds! Your gift is going to sit under a tree for two weeks. Purchase a size bigger...let them grow into it. Then again...maybe you did this on purpose! Your sister-in-law pisses you off. What a better way to screw her over then to buy her kids a size too small on everything. Jam her up with a little Christmas cheer....send her to customer service with a pile of returns. Whoo Hoo!
Next in line is a greasy looking hobo holding a $200 automatic mocha latte frappuccino maker with a bean grinder. He's just here to cash in on all the confusion. He entered the store empty handed, pulled the 'coffeemaker-plus' off the shelf and now he's about to pull the oldest scam in the book. Best part?!?! He will be the only one to walk away pleased with his customer service experience.
Granny is still looking at the watch. Your sister-in-law is pissed and about to storm out. Your getting nowhere. You're late for work now. And a hobo just made $200.
1 comment:
DON'T tell anybody, but I used to buy an expensive lotion I couldn't afford, take it home, transfer it to another container, fill the bottle with something MUCH cheaper, and return the lotion. I did it probably 5-10 times before I realized 'If I get way with doing this, one of these days I am going to buy this shit and smear some of that cheap crap on my face that I'm allergic to!' I quit doing it... just buy it and don't return it, but I still get paranoid that I am buying somebody's old fucking Suave hair conditioner to put on my face. Dammit.
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