Sitting here eating a strawberry pop-tart, sipping on a fresh cup of coffee, and rubbing some sleep out of my eye. Before long, the sugar and caffeine will begin to course through my veins. Breakfast of champs, I say. I eat pop-tarts and shovel shit. Day in and day out. It's what I do.....time.
Not only am I eating pop-tarts washed down by coffee, I'm chewing on a 12-year prison sentence. Instead of leaving a bitter taste in my mouth, it's like eating your vegetables. Nobody really likes them, but you chew and shallow. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. One day I will be a strong man.
I kicked addiction's ass. I kicked my demon's ass. Sometimes I kick my own ass. Today, I kick this pop-tart's ass. I'm just an ass-kicking dude. Come over here, I'll kick your ass too. Nah...I'm just playin'. The other day I kicked the MIDAS man's ass. I won't ever get on that again.
Somewhere, along the line of all this 'ass-kicking' I learned to release emotion. Not bottle it up. That's the problem with today's society. You let people walk all over you. You smile like it's all good. Then at night, you go cry on your pillow. Ever seen a movie called "Falling Down"? That's what happens when you swallow too much shit. There's another phrase for that as well. They say...."gone postal!"
Well, my pop-tart is gone. now the rapper T.I. is telling me that I can have whatever I like. And you can have whatever you like too. Prison is a cage defined by tall fences. Some people living life in the free world the same way. Your walls are bills, probation, work, that MIDAS man in your life. I remember. Then I came to prison and my life changed. I'm not gonna smile while you step on me, then go cry in my pillow. Quite frankly, my dear..."I don't give a damn!" Wishing the whole world would throw a middle finger in the air.
That's the caffeine and pop-tart talking. I'm really a loveable kind of guy. I adjust my mood as needed. My new MP3 has my power anthems. Right now D.M.X. is spitting, "Lord give me a sign." Song says, "Give me a sign, show me what you want me to do, cause I'm gonna go through whatever you want me to."
God threw me a bone the other day. I held a guitar in my hands for the first time in nearly six years. Like riding a bike. I still got it. Smiled so big my face hurt. Last time I saw a smile that big? It was my sister opening a full furnished Caboodle on her birthday. She was like 8 or 9. I'm 33.
Once again I'm getting high on life. My life is not defined by the height of the fences surrounding me. What's a fence anyway? A man-made structure. We do this shit to ourselves. And we are the only ones who can change that. Well....and God.
Was I wrong to say he threw me a bone? I don't know, but I found peace in my life. Guess if you don't like God throwing me a bone, perhaps the walls of your church have become fences. We should all be careful of what we stand behind.
Did you see that map when you signed in? That map started with just one star. That star was my sister, Ester, from Alaska. I want to thank you for the star YOU just put on that map. Thank you for being a part of my life. Can you throw a finger in the air too? HA!HA! Put some hooligan in your life!
2 comments:
Pretty sure I know who that second star was. :)
Really cool that you got to play a guitar for a bit. I would have like to have heard more ... like how did you even happen upon a guitar? What did you play? Will the quitar be available again? Inquiring minds want to know these things. haha I suppose inquiring minds just want to imagine your face sporting that huge smile, once again. Yeah, that would be really cool. :)
Good questions!! The new camp offers a music class and J.J. was able to sign up for it right away. YAY! So, yes the guitar will be available one time per week. I asked what he played too, and now I cannot remember because he was at class last night and I can only remember what he said about last night. He does talk about how he feels like he his free when he sits in that room. It is filled with others who are laughing, singing, playing guitar and their spirits are free. I will be back with the first song that he played. He did say "he still has it". :)
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