One day we're up, the next down. Over two year ago I filed a motion to try and change the original sentence of 12 years that judge gave me. I've learned a lot in the time I've been in prison. Seems there's life lessons every step of the way. If nothing more than stand tall and breathe. Breathe in and out.
Reflecting back over my life at times, I feel all I can accomplish from behind this fence has been done. I have my sobriety, relationships with all my family and I've learned how special the love can be between the right man and woman.
I have a long term and short term business plan. I know where I will go once I'm released. I have learned to forgive myself and move forward with my life. I have changed the people in my life. Replacing the bad ones with people of moral. Everyone else has been cut loose. I feel good about that.
I find myself doing a lot of praying these days. Funny my motion went to Orange County Courthouse. Now that all this time has passed, the motion to rule was sent to the higher court. The District Court of Appeals. However, I take the whole thing in prayer to the highest of the high courts.
I don't always speak much on these topics. Everyone has their own opinion. I hate the term jailhouse religion. Nor do I want anyone to add that to the way they describe my life. Like I jumped on something to help save me. I relay on myself more than anyone or anything else. People let you down. My life has proved that time and time again.
My daddy told me as a boy if you want it done right, do it yourself. That's me as a man.
So, if you can imagine...trying to exercise faith in someone who hung on a cross for my sins, died, then ascended up into heaven to sit on his throne sometimes overwhelms me. I not only met God halfway, I still try to get the whole way myself. Just the way I am.
I don't need any crutch. I get by on my own. Nobody can say I came to prison and found some form of prison religion. Instead, somewhere along the line I saw that living my life accountable to something would make me even better. Instead of looking to God for what He can do for me, I decided to try and meet some standards.
He set some standards called the 10 Commandments. Most often referred to as the "thou shalt nots". Again, I don't talk much about all this since I do it for me. Most people would laugh anyway if they heard me say I live by some morals. How can I possibly say that when I talk like I do about the things I do.....
Well, something I'm doing is right. It's right for me and I'm happy. I have peace. Even here in prison, I'm wearing a smile. Without laws there would be no order in the world. Without a set standard in my life, I tend to wander. When I wander, I get into trouble.
Today I have purpose. What I'm doing works for me. Guess that's part of growing up. Learning how to move through the world with grace. Something we all could use more of. Hope you find yours.
1 comment:
You are so sweet! I am so proud of the man that you are, and that you are a part of my life!
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