Guest Post by Our Mama

I had coffee with Michael this morning; our regular Saturday and sometimes Sunday routine.  We laugh, cry, and attempt to solve the "world's problems" one topic at a time.

He recommends a book he just finished and I get it from the local library so we can discuss.  He wants updates on the sibs, all SIX of them, and their children.  Sometimes we pray together.  He wants more than anything to really know his family.  As a young boy he was the protector of them; always watching out for them. As an older teen there was an experience that shook him to the core.  I remember trying to direct him to some counseling but he wouldn't follow up.

That situation threw him into the darkness of drugs and hell on earth.  You are reading about it all here.  It took prison, and his facing his past demons, to find light and peace.  Reading this is difficult but he warns me in advance so I can handle it.  I was duped for many years because he was so far away and did his best to hide his pain and drugs from me.  I knew things were wrong but didn't know just how wrong. His younger Brother tried to tell me. That bro was sick with worry and would talk to me.  The night Michael was in the ER I was on the phone with his younger brother constantly.  That night is etched in all our lives. But still no change in our Michael.

As a mother my heart has grown very battle weary.  Days and nights on my knees praying, carrying pain that should be left at the foot of Jesus' cross but just couldn't do it.

Now I know that Michael has faced his worst enemy and is free from drugs.  He is finding himself again and growing close to his family.  I know he prays for each of his siblings because we talk about that.  The day Michael was sent to prison for 12 years broke the heart of his little brother, who was with him for court.  I had spoke with Michael on the phone that morning and we had prayed together.  None of us had any idea of what could happen.  I prayed that God, the Righteous Judge, would sit on the bench that day.  I guess He did but we had no idea what that would mean.  Michael's younger brother called me right after the hearing and he could hardly talk.  Besides his pain and disbelief around the immediate 12 year sentence, he was worried sick about me.  And I fell into a deep hole that I didn't know if I could get out of.  I drove to school to pick up my very youngest son and tell him what had happened in court and we held each other in the parking lot and cried rivers.

The first few months he was locked up I saw so many changes in Michael.  We could not talk by phone but were writing.  He started out angry, but as the drugs got out of his system his mind began to clear.  Now, after these years, I have my son back. 

Despite Michael being in prison, he is a free man for the first time in many years.

Sometimes we talk about sitting on my screened in porch, drinking coffee......God willing we will do that.