Trouble. Following. Rules.

“There is a movie called Shawshank Redemption.  The film shows you nearly every aspect of prison life.  From a man wrongly accused to the man who is released and can’t cope with free life.  Then the man caught in between.  …Unsure if he can make it as a free man, but keeping a promise to try.

I’ve met the guy who caught life at 15 years old.  He doesn’t know how to drive a car.  He has never seen a cell phone and has no idea what a microwave is for.  Prison is all he knows.

A guy told the parole board last week to please reject him; he doesn’t want to leave.  He said if released, he would commit a crime just to come back.  He’s not a bad man, he’s a scared man.

Many look forward to going home, but to what?  Not many women wait around for their man.  Friends come and go.  One of my buddies will leave here soon.  He’s never met his father, his mother passed away, and all he has left is his granny.  I pray she makes it long enough for him to get out and on his feet again.

Another close friend of mine will leave soon.  His son was born just before he came in.  Today his son is seven years old.  He’s excited to be a dad to his boy, and scared to fail.

My work-out partner has two options.  He can leave prison in 12 months and owe eight more on conditional release, or he can complete all the time and walk free.  He has kids, they want him home, and he wants to be there.  However, one violation on conditional release and you’re back here to finish your time.  We understand all too well how those traps work, and in the end he will probably complete his full sentence here.

On the street, you jump at probation.  All you hear is a get out of jail free card.  This could not be farther from the truth.  Face it: You broke the law.  …Which means you have trouble following rules.  Probation and conditional release are nothing but rules.  Tons of stipulations, curfews, drug tests – the list goes on.

We have a saying: Here on vacation, Leave on probation, Back on a violation.

I was given probation.  When I violated, none of the time I did on probation was credited to my prison sentence.  Basically, I wasted 2 years of my life.  Had I known then what I know now, I would have told them to keep their probation, give me the time.  But that’s me.  One thing I will say is that once you have lived this life, you would take probation much more seriously. 

The guy who is here and doesn’t want to leave is institutionalized.  Life behind bars is all he knows.  I refuse to give my mind over to this place.  I have too many people who love me, and want me to come home to them.  My heart goes out to those who don’t.  I see them every day.  They are my friends.  Perhaps that’s why I try so hard to spread laughter to these guys as well as to you.  When I see an old, tired, broken face light up with a smile, it touches me somewhere deep inside.  But what do I know?  I’m just a hardened criminal.

PLEASE NOTE:  If you have family or loved ones that are behind bars, don’t forget about them.  You are their anchor, their ray on sunshine.  Mail Call is the best part of the day for every prisoner I know.  We all wait to hear our name called.  Tell them you love them.  It makes our day.  Show a convict some love.”

(Note from Ester: Mike told me on the phone once that everyone waits on the edge of their bunk at mail call, ready to jump off and grab their mail.  …Even the guys who have never received mail in all the time he’s been there.  They still wait on the edge of their bunks.)   

“While I’m here I am trying to make the most of my time.  During my time in prison I have become a certified personal trainer.  I’m taking college courses in credit and debt management and will soon begin yoga classes.  There is a ton of negative stuff in prison.  I’m trying to absorb all the good I can.  My goal is to be a better person.  Some days that’s difficult.  Writing for this project has been a huge help for me.  I dedicate a couple hours each day to either writing or drawing for Jailbird.  This time has become my getaway from life here.

Soon I will begin taking creative writing classes.  My writing is already quite creative.  Perhaps you would agree.  What I really need is a spelling class.  Thank god for spell-check (a.k.a. Ester)!

You keep reading and I’ll keep writing.  Be cool.  Take time to enjoy life.  We get in such a hurry sometimes we miss the little things.  Watch a sunset.  Throw a ball with your kid.  Go to dinner with your better half.  Tell someone you love them.

Just keepin’ it real.  Holla!

Much Love,

J.J.